Loss of my wife

I lost my wife in 2020 after 2 and half years of her battling multiple cancers.
I did what most people would do and said to myself everything will get better, i have my family, i have my grandchildren, things will be fine.
Who am i fooling, I’ve always had a close relationship with alcohol but i was drinking way too much and stopped 31st December 2021 but every year around our anniversary and her Birthday things hit me like a bus, this year things finally got to me and sadly i have started drinking in what i call small quantities just trying to numb the pain (doesn’t work).
Yes some of the comments i have read i can truly relate, why am i still here when will the pain end yes waiting for death.


Dear @Ratties32

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I do hope you find the Community to be of support and comfort to you. Many of our members have experienced the loss of their wife so will understand some of what you are going through.

There is a very useful site called AtALoss which lists local bereavement support in your area, if you would like to meet others face-to-face. If you go to the AtALoss website and select your location, you can see what may be available.

I would like to share the following resources with you by Sue Ryder which may be of support and help to you.

  • The self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief Grief Guide
  • Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This service is also useful for family and friends
  • Information on the Stages of Grief
  • Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through

You are not alone, we the Community are here for you at any time, please continue to reach out.

Take care.


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@Ratties32 like you I have become too heavily reliant on alcohol recently. Don’t be like me cos it won’t do you any favours. Take care, John

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Thank you John, i was very friendly with alcohol and did stop drinking alcohol for over a year, i will try my best not to go back down that hole, once again thank you and lets try our best to regain our strength for the ones that don’t quite understand the mindset that we are going through.

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I so sorry for your lost of your wife. By the sounds of things she tried her best to fight and stay with you all.
I can’t Imagin how you did what you did. My wife was told 2 days before she passed what it was. I know she would of thought as much as she could as she had so much to live fore. Her children grandkids and me yoo. Just like yourself i hit the drink big time. And yes its so hard when it comes to her birthday, Christmas and anniversary i have had to stop the drinking as it takes my filters away, then all i want is to ho to her her and have tried 2 times now. But i have seen the pain what i was puting my son and her kids though.
I like you are just counting down the time till all this pain, loss and hurting in silence ends.
I do hope you can try to find a way to cope day by day without the drink. As when you wake up in the morning the pain is so much more because you have tried to num what in your head and heart.
Try to take on here more as there is a lot of people going through similar events. Friends and family meen well be truly don’t understand what we are going through thankfully. As i would not wish this pain to anyone.

Hi, Mikeb
Thank you for sharing your feelings, sorry for taking so long to reply.
The mind is a powerful piece of equipment that our bodies hold dear., they also play many tricks with our emotions.
Many times I have felt fine but other times I can hardly hold myself together, the deviation of self harm and how it affects others is something I can’t contemplate due to my brother succeeding back in 2006 and I saw first hand the heartache he left behind, his children, never got to meet his grandchildren, luckily we are still here to look after our families and that is a priority for us. Remember stay strong, we can eventually get through this with the love and support of everyone around us.

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