Loss of my wife

My wife died on the 9th of may this year devastated


I’m so sorry that your wife died in May and that you’re having such a difficult time. Losing a loved one is so painful, it’s understandable that you’re devastated. I’m so sorry for your loss.

How long were you and your wife married?

Do you have anyone close to you that you can talk to & ask for some support? There are lots of lovely supportive people in this community who will have experienced the same loss as you so will really understand what you’re going through. It also helps to be able to write and express your thoughts and feelings on here. It’s a safe place for you and you’re not alone.

Keep talking to us & take care. Trudy x

Hi my wife also passed away in may and devastated

Hello Modav,
I am so sorry about your wife. What a terrible time for you. How long were you married?
You will find family and friends give advice, It’s not always helpful .take your time to grieve for your wife in your own way and do whatever feels right for you .

My partner of 47 years died suddenly in March and I feel as you do , devastated. My whole life and future have disappeared.
I’ve found some comfort in this community.
I’m seeing a counsellor it helps to be able to say anything I like but as they said to me "nobody can fix what’s happened ".

I wish you all the best at this very sad time. Jx

Hi Trudy, we were married for 39 years. Wonderful years she was amazing .she was always dressed in bright clothes, blonde hair . Always a smile on her face . I’m so so lost.

Thankyou for your reply , I understand what you are saying about advice ,it seems everyone has loads of it but none seems to apply . I and I guess you are so confused ,and apprehensive about the future. And yes very much like you my life has been robbed . I do hope I find comfort in this site. And hopefully stop crying . Regards David

Hi ,I’m so sorry for your loss , life can be evil and I don’t think it can get any worse than it is for us now .

Your wife sounds lovely & a lot of fun, I’m sure they were 39 wonderful years.

My Mum died 5 years ago & my Dad felt completely lost like you are now. There was lots of advice available and he even went to a support group at the Hospice where my Mum died a couple of times. I think what he found was that he wasn’t ready to listen to advice at that time - it was too soon. He was still in shock. Over time that slowly changed for him & he was able to start to take an interest in things again.

I think the phrase ‘move on’ doesn’t help. It implies you forget & make a new life. My Dad still misses my Mum very much & he thinks about her everyday. Sometimes he rings me up sobbing when he’s really missing her. He has though found a different way of life that he is enjoying.

Grief affects everyone differently so you have to do what is right for you when you’re ready.

I do hope that you find some comfort and support in this group x

Hi Trudy
I understand totally how your dad feels. My wife and I were together 24/7 apart from work. We never went out separately and really loved our life together.yes she was fun never see her without a smile on her face and the love we have for each other is second to none. I miss her so much I can’t find the words to describe the utter loss that I feel. We were retiring at the end of the year and planed to go and live in Spain .
She said that it is now time for us to be together , we were both so happy .then cruelly she was taken in an instant with an aneurysm. It really feels like my life is over . I am taking some comfort in the site ,you realise your not alone and that others are suffering,but it doesn’t take away that massive grief that emptiness,that each one of us is going through.

I lost my husband last November and like you we had planned to live in Spain. I have found the only way I cope is to plan to one thing every weekend so I have some focus.

The pain never goes and our lives can never be as they were but we have to learn how to have a new life. Not easy and I still cry everyday but I have to focus on doing something as I know he would be cross if I just wasted my life.

Time is not a healer, building a new and different life is, so we can learn to remember without the pain as we have found some contentment

Hi Janey
Life is so very cruel isn’t it. It was my wifes dream to live and spend time together in Spain. It’s devastating that we have lost our partners but to loose our dreams as well just multiplies the grief . I will take on board what you say about planning things, and what other people have said they do that are on this site. My wife would also be cross with me if didn’t carry on ,but it’s so hard without her, she was my motivation,my life just everything to me .

I’ve just lost my wife of 44 years and like you all am devastated. She was everything to me, funny, caring, loving, she was always there. Now she’s gone I’m so lost, don’t want to do anything,
It is only 3 weeks since she passed away from that horrible disease beginning with C. She was only 65 and I’d hoped for many years of togetherness but this has now been taken away.
What really hurts and confuses me is that like many people she did not have bad thing to say about anybody, always there to help, they say that all the best ones are taken, why???
Totally selfish of me but I’m struggling to accept the emptiness of not being able to hold her hand anymore or kiss her goodnight.

Hi Paul. Like you I lost my wife to cancer on July 2nd last year. She was my guiding light, my better half and after 38 years of doing everything together, I cannot imagine life without her. I have been going through the motions the past six months but now realise I have just been trying to avoid the inevitable pain her loss brings. Take care

Hi swanjack71
So sorry about your loss. You are correct it is very hard, it’s always on my mind. I get negative thoughts could / should I have done more. I have had lots of family and friends support but it does not take away the pain of missing my wife. Like you she was my world.
I have been doing volunteering work at the hospital where my wife was treated. I find it helps me focus on something and also I’m giving something back.
I’m going for counselling next week, hoping this will ease the pain but things will never be the same.
Don’t think I’m mad but some people say there is something after life and that we will meet again. I take some comfort in this and hope but if there is not I myself will not know.
Hope this makes sense.
You take care and cling onto all your lovely memories.
Paul B