loss of my wife

43 years married missing her so much it hurts

Hi bristles I know after being 6 months without my Jane just how you feel I too feel the same way Jane was my wife my life and my only true friend she was the one behind me what ever we did my life is now full of regrets,guilt call it what you like regret that I worked long hours to make us financially sound leaving her on her own feeling as I do now(lonely)regret arriving at a&e 5 minutes after she passed away I followed ambulance in car hospital 10 miles away thinking she was just to be admitted as she had a lot of health troubles kidney disease,asthma,leg infections etc .
Guilt because they would not take one of my kidneys to keep her Alive (compatibility,my health,my age 69 I did not care what happened to me just so it would give her more life .
I feel guilty I am left in our house not my house that she craved for 33years we lived in tied cottages for that length of time moving 9 times in 43 years till we bought this house in 2008 she was so proud except on the days of her dialysis when she had 3 days 4hours at a time and had to leave it behind at the moment I hang on to that thought.
Also we have a little dog that I would not like to leave behind she is 3 years old doesn’t take to people readily barks at them when they enter the house the whole time they are there even nephew and niece who have stayed here you may think that a dog is not important but to us she was ,she was Janes dog really she could even scent when Jane was on the road back from dialysis be it 12’oclock 1’oclock she would sit at the door or gate knowing Jane would soon be home,these are the things that are in my memories.I am waiting for that special day when I see Jane but at the moment have still to think what she would say.
I do not know what may console you at the moment I am hanging on to the day when I see her again as other people are Kind regards my friend until we see what’s on the other side