Loss of my wife

My darling wife was everything to me we had 39 happy years together when she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour February this year.We had been so happy together and had been enjoying a lovely Sunday when she started experiencing severe headaches.Our lives were then changed forever as 2 weeks later a brain tumour was diagnosed.i nursed her myself at home and did my absolute best but sadly every day she deteriorated first with mobility, loss of speech,appetite and finally consciousness.She passed away 3 months after her diagnosis I was holding her hand at the end.The loss I feel is indescribable we worked together in our business and were rarely apart.The passion we had for one another was just as strong as when we first met, l find it very difficult to cry although I am sure this would help. The funeral was last week, despite a huge turn out and great support from friends and family it is very difficult to now get motivated.However just writing this and knowing others are in similar situations is a help

I hope you find these forums some comfort. We are all grieving and finding it hard to understand this devastating sense of loss. I am only a few weeks in having just lost my husband of 40 years and when they say in comes in waves it is so true. So many people on here are kind and tell us of their way of attempting to cope.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Trisha xx

1 Like

Yes, we are all members of the same club, one non of us wanted to join but so grateful that we have each other. Stay with us you will find help and comfort.
Non of us know how we are going to cope with our heartbreak and everyone’s journey is different. I’m afraid we are alone in this and it’s up to ourselves to find that way forward…
You have a wonderful lasting love and one day I hope this will give you great comfort. I have said ‘have’ as it hasn’t ended. I love my Brian as much as ever. He is with me every second of the day. I talk to him, include him. He may not be here physically but in spirit I know he’s watching over me. I keep looking for those signs and they are there. Motivation is hard but I found that keeping busy was the way for me. I sorted through everything, sold, burned, donated, trips to the local tip. Upsetting it was, but I’m glad I did it as I don’t have to dread it now. As I said. You will find your own way through the fog and hopefully a distant light will show eventually.
Good luck Pat

I find real comfort reading the posts on this site and wish I could express myself more
Thanks and warm thoughts to you all

Hi Edz
My wife was diagnosed with glioblastoma brain tumour five years ago exactly today.
She had already undergone an operation to remove the tumour and then the grade was confirmed. Despite the prediction being that she would die within a year she did manage to exist for another four years and died in August last year.
It was the most horrific thing to happen and she underwent radiotherapy, chemotherapy and a second operation.
She was so brave and she will continue to be my inspiration for ever I think.
Over the last ten months I have become different and I’m learning to survive without her. I think I will always grieve but I’m determined to build a new life around that grief. Before she died she told me several times that I had all I needed to enjoy the rest of my life and that I should try to do so. I feel like it’s my duty to her to try but it isn’t easy.

When someone is ill for a while before they die, it does give one a chance to adjust to the idea that one day they will be alone. We often try to push it to one side because I think that we never really believe it will happen. That does not lessen the pain, but I feel so very sorry for anyone who suffers sudden loss. It must be not just a shock but devastating. My wife deteriorated with heart failure and dementia. If anyone knows about that awful business then they will understand. It’s watching someone who has always been on the ball slowly lose their memory is pretty awful. I didn’t understand dementia until it was explained to me properly. There is a society dedicated to helping carers with loved ones with dementia. They are very helpful.
YY, I admire your determination and the will to see through this awful time. I know it’s not easy for you any more than any of us, but I love reading your posts because you always give me that little bit of inspiration that’s so badly needed.
As for the rest well, how do you respond to such pain. Words are so inadequate. Watching someone suffer whom you love is devastating, it must be. I don’t think we will know the answer to ‘why’ in this life. Everything has a cause and a reason for happening, but it’s so difficult to see at the time. I believe all will eventually be seen.

I totally agree Johnathan, I was told my husband was in the last year of his life he suffered with COPD through industry. I too pushed it to one side, even when I was taken into a side room and everything was explained to me what was happening. I didn’t comprehend that they meant by soon, in actual fact it was days after. A strong man, the head of our family, always active doing jobs re-tilling our roof at 67 ! The pain and devastation in losing him is tremendous, I’m only 6 weeks in, but reading other people’s posts is indeed a comfort. You need to be kind to yourself, rest, grieve try to sleep ( that’s easier said than done) eat. I still look for him, listen for him. But it’s hard really hard. My one and only true love taken away. He was a great story teller, adding a bit on each time, how the family used to laugh. Always felt safe with him by my side. And the caring, how you deteriorated in those 8 months, I was lucky? To be with you at the end, as many have lost their spouses suddenly. The last look you gave me is forever ingrained in my heart, mine is surely broken now.

Back to top