Hi Maddie,
I saw this one a week or so ago she was OK not brilliant. I’m seeing the one my niece saw about her brother Ben next Monday. I went to work today for my friend who works in an employment agency just for the day. I have said I don’t mind doing the odd day now and again. It was good as it took my mind of things all day. Perhaps your other daughter is struggling inside about what has happened to Dawn and they do say that you take it out on the one you love. I know with Sam’s elder brother he can’t seem to open up at all at the moment. Perhaps it would help if you talk to her and ask her why you “annoy her” I always think talking is the best medicine. That’s probably why I talk out loud to Sam all the time.
Write again you can always private message me if you want
With love Helen
Dear Helen and everyone. Have just returned from a week hiking with my daughter. It was pretty strenuous but it helped time to pass and also gave an opportunity to think of dear Daniel. He loved the outdoors and I could feel him on our trek but it was so bitter sweet wanting him so much to be with us physically, to be able to chat and share the outdoors. Missing him so badly and not really knowing how to keep going daily. I wonder Helen if you had any more insights from the medium you saw. We all wish so much we could turn back the clock but that is never going to happen. How to keep going? Sending you all love. Wynne
Hello Wynne and all on this site
I saw a medium today, the one recommended by my niece (she lost her brother Ben in a freak football accident) 21/2 years ago. The medium was marvellous. He said you feel Sam when your sat in your little car I said yes and he said that is because he sits there because “your driving is absolutely dreadful”. Sam always said my driving was so bad dreadful in fact. He also mentioned that I still have his ashes and I’m in turmoil as to what to do because of my ex husband (true). Talk about telling it straight…he said can I repeat to you honestly what I am getting so I said of course…Sam said I had a sh** dad but I have a brilliant mother. How was the medium to know about Sam’s dad he called him a chicken,(we divorced acrimoniously 20 years ago) … The medium also told me to keep talking to Sam, as he does hear me and it keeps the bond between you both very strong, and mentioned about his clothes and the room where I keep his photos, he described it in depth and also said Sam wants to say thank you for everything you did for him. I could go on he was so accurate. I always talk out loud to Sam perhaps it would help you to do the same. I am glad you went off hiking, and I am sure Daniel would be pleased and proud of you trying to cope. Apparently I make Sam really really sad when I cry, he knows I miss him but he wants me to do more for myself? He knows also I go (he called it dancing) but it’s zumba and he also said he’s happy and he’s healed no more bits of him not working! I am sure Daniel is the same.
Hi Helen Wynn.and everyone,oh I’m so pleased for you Helen that you got a response from Sam,it sounds like he hasent lost his sence of humour. It does make you feel a little bit better,but what people cant seem to understand,is that all you want is them back again.I also saw a spiritualist on Saturday,i was told to ask for a certain one as she was suppose to be very good she did not charge me as I had been recently bereaved,but she did not pick up anything,i think she felt sorry for me ,so asked me to wait to see another one who was supposed to be good, but she did pick up on a blue heart necklace Dawn used to wear ,which my granddaughter wears now and never takes off also she said Dawn said it was her time to go she knew we didn’t want her go but she had given up,which was right,my husband said this.She also said she was happy,oh my god I just hope so that’s all I want,so pehaps I will try again in a couple of months.
Hi Maddie, Helen and all.
I am also glad that you are getting contact with your loved ones.
My reading was a great great comfort to me. Chrisaid he liked the idea of a plaque and we are getting a bench in his memory on our local village Green.
Any way of remembering is bitter sweet. Chris loved to travel, so we are scattering his ashes wherever we go. But will save some to keep.
Love to you all on your journeys, who knows, maybe one day we can look back and smile.
Thank you Maddie and Polly
It has given me a lot of comfort to know Sam is healed as the medium called it and that he’s happy. I would not wish for Sam to come back to suffer more but if I could have him back as he was before the second tumour was diagnosed I’d give everything I have. I have to try to stay strong and do more so that Sam doesn’t feel sad so I try not to cry but it is so so hard.
Dear Helen,Maddy, Polly and others. It is six months today that we lost our darlind Daniel. It still seems so raw and although so many people say just take one day at a time it is often too overwhelming just to get through the hours. It was lovely to read Helen about your experiences with the medium and how good it was to hear that Sam is now well. Of course you are right all of us would give the world to have our sons and daughters back with us. I loved reading about Sam telling you off in the car. I can’t get rid of Daniel’s car as when I drive in it I feel him close. Does this pain and longing ever get easier? How do you get through the days without asking the relentless questions about why it has happened? I am going to go back to the doctor as maybe medication will keep me from breaking down and feeling that life now has no real purpose. Sending you all love and peace. Wynne
Hi Wynne, I too continue to ask why? How could this be? You hear about it but it’s happens to other people not you. It’s hard to believe. Now, after almost 2 years, I still don’t know why. We are living a different life, one without our daughter. I guess it’s a form of accepting she isn’t here with us. It’s very tough, I wish it had been me and she could still be here with her little girl. She was a teacher, achieving so much for which we are very proud, I can’t imagine how she felt about not being able to see her little girl progress at school. We have to continue so we can be there for her and we are doing our best. A medium has told me Jo thinks we are doing a great job. The medium gave me some other comforting information and this has helped. It has been a struggle to get this far and I wonder how we have managed as I fully understand how you are feeling right now. I still struggle to socialize, even going out sometimes, but have got through with the help of family and a few good friends.
Thinking of you and everyone else who are feeling this pain. X
Hello all,
Bir you are quite right it is a question of trying to get through for the sake of the other family members. I will not ask why Sam, because it leads down a path where I cannot get any peace. Wynne, Daniel is in that car with you that is why you feel so close. The medium said to me there are signs all around that they are here. I know Sam is in the car…he couldn’t stand my driving and wondered how on earth I passed my test! Yesterday I was pulling out backwards off my drive into the road never saw the van coming towards me but somehow my brakes were slammed on so hard my seat belt locked. I know I didn’t use the break as I still had my foot on the accelerator so I know who did stop the car. He would want me as Daniel and Jo would to carry on no matter how hard…I can just imagine Sam saying to me if I can learn to walk again then you can carry on !! He would never give an inch so I have no choice.
hello,wynne ,helen,and all this concerns, wynne will be thinking of you today,as you have made the 6months we have been through this time but am dreading so much the anniversary in December,we are thinking of going to lake garda for 6days at xmas just to look forward to something completely different as my other daughterter is thinking of going away for xmas and the thought of us being here by ourselves,i just couldn’t stand as last year we could not bury dawn until 28th dec.Helen I so envy you that you feel sam close,you must be doing something right, I still cannot put dawns photo out yet,pehaps that’s where I’m going wrong .hugs to all of you that is going through this awful time Maddie.
Hi all, I have been reading all your messages. Many of them seem positive, and have had some sort of “contact” with their loved ones. My daughter is a worry to me as she is taking on so much just to stop her thinking about her brother. She had been living in Chris’s house on and I off since he died. But it is almost soldo, and she said it’s like getting rid of the last bit of Chris.
I wish I could help her,and the I only way I can, is not to let her see how distressed I am sometimes. It’s hard, but I try to be strong for her.i had a a completee meltdown the other day as I keep thinking about his last day,and how I wish I had done things differently. I’m sure we all have to our thoughts, but we were all in shock at that time.
I was hoping it would get better, but it seems to get worse. It will be five months tomorrow. However reading all of your comments, I know it is going to be a lifelong adjustment.
wishing you all strength on our journeys
Hi Pollyanna,its so very hard isn’t it? Some days are worse than others some days I just could cry all day it seems every day something different creeps in the last days she was in hospital, I just cannot get it out of my mind,my husband keeps saying I have got to except that she is not coming back ,but I cant… I’m so sorry for your loss,I’m sure you did all you could of for Chris,lets just hope they know how much they are missed .take care maddie
I have photo’s of Sam all around the house, one by the side of my chair in the lounge, where we are holding hands when we went for a walk a few weeks before he died (Sam was very ill) but chose to walk he was so determined. To me in the photo he looks drawn and so so tired, but other people say how well he seemed to look. Every night I take up a photo to bed of Sam that was taken on the beach in Australia when he lived there and place it by on my bedside cabinet and say goodnight and good morning each day. The medium told me keep talking to him he can hear you so I say when I’m off to the supermarket, out with my friend Dee or whatever I’m doing so as to keep him close. It’s my way I suppose of coping.
Dear Helen, Maddie and everyone. Thank you so much for sharing your ways of coping without your precious sons and daughters. We have taken a trip up to Aberdeen to spend some time where Daniel went to university. Yesterday I slipped in the rain and broke my arm and wrist badly on the kerb so I am now in plaster for six weeks. I had strange dreams of Daniel last night where he seemed to appear as a white butterfly. Not sure if that was the medication or the result of the fracture. Oh dear, how to keep going. Sending you all much love. Wynne
Hello wynne so sorry about tour fracture, you must feel awful, I cannot relate to your dreams of Daniel,as I have not had any dreams about dawn since she passed ,but she looked so well and appered around a corner said hi which she used to say and that is it .we have been out with friends and family and had such a wonderful day such laughs and remminanicens,but when I get home just feel so sad and guilty, my sister in law rang said what a lovely day we didn’t do anything special but had good company,but now all I want to do is cry, does anyone else feel like this ?
Hello everyone here, so sorry Wynne to hear of your fracture, I’m sure your dream of the butterfly was Daniel letting you know he is there with you, and caring for you.
For you too, Maddie, Dawn let you know she was there. We all experience things in different ways, but I’m sure our lovely children are there for us but in different form.
I truly believe also that they are well and healthy, as Helen said. My son’s district nurse, whose sister had died two years earlier said that she would look after Chris .
when he died. I’m sure they all look after each other.
I also have dreamed that Chris is well, happy and healthy. He walked down the beach with me when I was scattering his ashes.
The last dream I had of him, he was telling me off ! I have to laugh ! I have a lovely framed photo of him driving a red Farrari around a race track - a present from his sister a year ago (my lovely boy was alive a year ago ! ) I decided to have a few of my favourite photos enlarged, and to change them from time to time. So I exchanged the one of him diving the sports car, with one of him setting off for a cycle ride.
My dream was a very clear instruction to change them back - he wanted the red Farrari back ! I got up in the middle of the night and did so - all was calm after that.
I still chuckle when I think of that !
Thinking of you all, Anneka x
Hello All
Wynne I’m so sorry to hear of your fracture, I am sure the dreams are Daniel’s way of letting you know he is OK. Like all on this site I get upset most days for varying lengths of time but by talking to Sam I somehow come out positive the other side of the tears. Anneka, like you I have photo’s of Sam everywhere. A lovely one is of Sam and his elder brother at his elder brother’s wedding (Sam was best man). I found a photo of Sam as well from when he was best man to his friend Jason (they’d been mates for over 20 years) of Sam dressed in top hat and tails and lovely white shirt…but no trousers!!!..Jason told me he took a photo of himself on his phone and sent it to Jas saying there was no trousers with the suit, and he’d go like this!!! His sense of humour again! I smile when I think of all the stunts he’s done in the past with all his friends!! Jason’s marriage lasted all of three months, and Sam was there to pick up the pieces, they were so close. How time flies that was 4 years ago.
Dear Helen, Anneka, Maddie and everyone. It is so lovely to hear your stories and your dreams. It really puts a smile on my face and helps. We are now back from Scotland and of course as soon as you enter the house the reminders are everywhere from photos to clothes of Daniel. Like you say I really do sometimes feel he is here telling me to keep going and to look after ourselves but it is so hard not to break down and just give in. Each day and week that passes you would think it would get easier to accept but just the opposite. Distractions help a bit but then the emptiness and how life should be comes rushing in knocking you for six. Struggling with one arm only makes me realise how hard it was in the last few months for Daniel to wash and dress himself when he was in such pain. Thinking of you and hoping for us all it gets easier. With love xxx
Hello Wynne
My tears can start at a moment’s notice and for no reason, yet I can hear Sam saying please mum I don’t like you crying all the time, he knows I miss him and he wants me to do more for myself (so the medium said) so I try don’t always succeed and my tears last for varying degrees of time. I have things of Sam’s all round the house and feel nearer knowing that they are his things. Not too sure it gets easier, I don’t think that happens because we will miss them at any time just like the first time but I think we become more adaptable to the grief and therefore live alongside it. Like trying to go away/holiday or out with friends. This is the best that I hope for.
Dear All
Just been reading your posts and I am amazed that although the circumstances of the passing of our children are so different (my 24 year old son died in an accidents 3 and half months ago) we all share the common experiences of grief. I can identify so much with some of what is said. I recently came home from holiday, it was extremely painful to go but when I came home the house was so full of memories and photos of Jacob that initially it was like an overwhelming rush of grief I then felt calmer being with his things again.
I have found that the grief is not getting any easier in fact the realisation that this is my permanent life now, without my son and no escape, is almost too much to deal with. I do not know how to live in this life, to accept that this is it, that he is never coming home, although I know this is the truth of my situation. Everything seems unfamiliar to me. I am returning to work in a couple of weeks and the thought of trying to act normal and being around loads of people with no where to hide terrifies me.
I know my son would hate seeing me like this,he in his usual manner would have told me just to get on with it now, and I would say to him that it is easier said than done.
Does it ever get beter?