Hello all my dear friends , how are you its been very quiet this week , and hope you are all keeping busy ,as its the best way to get through the grief. Kate how did little Brooke cope with school , have been thinking about you. Have ben trying to book a couple of days away ,but all my favorite places are fully booked . And i am having a bit of a hard time at the moment ,as John cleaned out the garage 2 days ago and we found a box full of Dawns belongings , ,. One was a diary when she was 16years old ,all her exam papers , and a diploma , for a buisiness course , and i must admit ,i am at the stage again where i feel like screaming , i just want her back so so much . I feEl like i am back to square one . . .Sorry to be so depressing .Maddie xx
I understand that fully some days indeed I cope better than others but Iām still not sleeping and wake early and thing straight to Aimee. I keep thinking how did this happen it cant be true its impossible sheās gone not Aimee it makes you go insane with it all. I just want my baby back to hold in my arms and sit on her bed like we used to do and laugh. I hate my life without her in it. Iām lost we was like one did everything together. I get that horrid panic that just hits you that she is gone forever and it feels unbearable to think Iāve lost her. I look at her things and think she should be using it all itās so hard. X
Hello Chel 66, , i know its just so hard , you are right it makes you go insane, our beautiful children did not deserve it . , they should be with us . When i see the the name Aimee , that is our Grandaughter name spelt exactly the same . and she has been so comforting to me me , she loved Dawn , and spent so many hours in hospital with her ,when we were getting near the end ,and begged the doctors to do something for her. ,and i know she is 19years old now ,she was only 16 when her auntie passesd. . and she misses her as much . Take care Maddie xx
Maddie, I know the feeling. I feel like a broken vase that has been glued back together which looks ok but will never be the same!
I have been staying with my niece in the Lakes and visiting my sister. I had most afternoons on my own walking Lisaās dog on the beaches and thinking how much I miss her. Every minute of every day.
Brooke is our guiding star. She keeps us alive and focused.
Yes, she enjoyed school and loves after school club.
We are having her overnight tomorrow.
I feel for you finding the box of Dawnās. I havenāt been able to look at my box of photos of Jemma and Lisa. Lisa was such a happy girl, jemma too although she worried more.
We all here are holding each others hands through all this.
Thank God for that!
With love, Kate xxx
Dear All,
Charlieās daddy and stepmum took us to to RHS Wisley today. I love gardening (they have a very successful gardening business) so it was such a treat and lovely day.
Charlie kept wanting he and I to go off on our own a little and was talking about his mummy. So we were having little chats about her. When we sat to have our picnic, Charlie wandered around taking photos with Sallyās camera. Even though he is only 10 years old he loves taking photographs as did his mummy. He came running straight back and showed me his first photo, a close up of a magpie. I couldnāt believe it as magpies have become very special since we lost Gemma and I see them at special times. Gems loved magpies since being a little girl, she was fascinated by them but I have never told Charlie so it did feel like a sign from my darling girl. Also Sally then opened a pot of hummus and a white feather immediately dropped into it!
xxx
How special and lovely. Maybe he will be a good photographer like his Mummy. Itās so hard at times but somehow we get through.
Love to you.
Kate xx
Hello Maddie, Kate, Chel and Victoria,
I have just read all your posts and I can understand all. Maddie, I know exactly where you are coming from it takes you right back to square one. Iāve been having a hard time of it and kept thinking it will all turn out for the best and Kate you were right when you said Sam would sort it out (Geraint) well he did I stuck my ground and I now heās (hasnāt apologised) but more loving toward me and seems grateful that I babysat the other night when they had to go out for a meal with his boss who had come down from Londonā¦till 1am in the morning from 6 on the night, I knew Sam would sort it but I kept getting upset. Like you all I wish Sam was still here he would have said forget it mumā¦he loves you heās just up his own ar** sometimesā¦and yet I know how much Sam loved him and he loved Sam. Stanley my grandson will be 6 on Monday and apparently he talks all the time of Sam (Hannah was telling me) but even he knows not to talk to Daddy about Sam because it will make him cry. Oh what a mess!!
On another note Maddie, I will post off that puzzle for John on Tuesday.
With love to you all
Helen
So glad you stood youāre ground. Well done.
Feeling tired after a 6 and a half hour drive. A lot of time to remember so many journeys up and down the A9 with Lisa, with work for her florist business, going to the wholesalers for equipment in Glasgow and when she was at Uni in Glasgow. I was driving back from the Lake district and as soon as I hit the intersection we used to turn off to the Uni, the tears flowed. So many memories but memories are all we have now.
Take care lovely, all my love . Kate xxx
O h Helen ,we have suffered so much , not just losing Dawn and Sam , but our siblings , have not been there for us . I have to admit I have have a hard time with Sarah thelast couple of weeks, and i made up my mind not to go round to see her any more . She is on my back to take aniety tablets ,which i dont want to do . She has not been ween well for a couple of weeks ,so i do feel guilty. I just find life so hard now , i do get so angry , but try and struggle on . What choice do we have ?.. Sarah knows that if she needs us we are always here for her.we always help her out ,weather its to look after Jessey or financialyā¦ But when i need help ,i feel so aloneā¦ Yes Kate , it doesnt take much to make the tears flow . Maddie xx
Helen jOHN looking forward to the puzzle .x
Dear Maddie, Kate, Helen and all,
I had such a bad week last week, very tearful and sad. Life feels very unfair and it takes me a few days to get back on to an even keel. I think life will always be like this now, living my life with an undercurrent of sadness. I am better this week though and trying to look forward.
Helen, I am glad you stood firm with Geraint. I think we all grieve in different ways and that causes problems. Tiffany and I had a very difficult time together over my sister cutting contact with me because of Gemmaās funeral. . Eventually l told her (Tiffany) that I would never talk about my sister again. That has made a difference and we are closer than ever now. Iām so glad your relationship with Geraint is heading in the right direction.
Maddie, maybe stepping back from Sarah might be a good thing as remember you have to look after yourself too.
Much love to you dear friends xxx
Good morning dear friends. Lovely morning her in the Highlands. I enjoyed my few days down in the Lake district but the weather on the drive each way was daunting as there was so much rain around Glasgow and northern cumbria.
Anyway, home safely and Brooke was here on Saturday afternoon till yesterday afternoon. She is such a joy but is saying more and more that she misses Mummy. There is a young family in the house behind us and Alan had suggested the wee girl should come to play in our garden with Brooke.
It didnt happen this weekend but Brooke was quick to ask me whether the child had a Mummy and a Daddy. Bless her heart. I think now she is at school she is more aware of the fact that her family is different. I said to her that some children only have a Mummy and some only a Daddy, plus some have 2 Mummies or 2 Daddies. She laughed at this but I said it was the way things are so not to be sad about it because her Daddy was a very special person who loves her very much. She is a very happy little girl and I hope the love that surrounds her will be all she needs. We had video calls with Jemma so they were both delighted with that. Jemma is missing her terribly now she is back in Edinburgh but will be back on Thursday for a long weekend. Jemma needs the contact as well.
This was just a wee catch up. Hope you are all doing ok.
With lots and lots of love to you all.
Kate xxxxx
Oh Kate that is so lovely . All you can do is tell Brooke about her mummy,and i know she will grow up with the knowledge , that her mummy loved her so much and she did not want to leave her. She is so i would not say lucky that Lisa has left behind such a loving family . My heart goes ou to you . In one way Dawn did not have any children ,as she could not carry because of her illness , i do not know if that is a good thing or not . As there is nothing on Dawns side at allā¦ Maddie xxxx
Sad that she couldnāt have had a child. The fact is though, that if Lisa had known her lung condition had developed the way it did, she would never have got pregnant. However, life works in strange ways and she only found out due to a car accident at 25 weeks. The Xray showed scarring throughout both lungs but her condition was so rare the medics said to carry the pregnancy to 34/35 weeks and then have a section. It was the way it was meant to be. Not ideal but it is what it is.
With love to you dear Maddie.
Kate xx
Oh how lovely Kate , that you hav e your beautiful grandaughter , Brooke ā¦ xxxx
Hi everyone
Iāve had such a bad day, started off ok just gone back to work due to start at one so thought Iād have a clean through first , found matts work shoes I was hysterical he was so chuffed when he got them smart shoes for his promotion Iād forgotten they were there now all dusty and unworn I cried for an hour Iām so so sad I canāt believe heās not coming home I keep carrying on pretending heās travelling again, life is so unfair Iāve already lost one child I just canāt believe itās happened again sorry to bother you lovely people but you are the only people who understand the pain x
Dear All,
Maddie It is sad that Dawn didnāt have any children but I loved her photo that you showed us. Such a happy girl and so beautiful. You must be very proud of her.
Charlie has been talking about mummy more recently too. Although sometimes I find it hard, it is good to talk about her with him and reassure him of how much his mummy loved him, keep her memory alive for him.
Coren has also been asking me questions about his childhood and I am going to try and make them both a book about her and fill it with photos of her, stories of when she was a little girl.
Much love to you all xxx
Victoria, I tell Brooke so much about when her Mummy and Auntie Jemma were little. She loves to hear about them both.
As you say, it keeps Mummyās memory alive in their young minds.
With love, Kate xx
Jayne, I am so sorry you are having such a bad time. Finding his shoes must have been heartbreaking. I know that in the early days when I visited Jamie and Brooke in their flat , I used to cuddle Lisaās dressing gown on the back of the bathroom door. Jamie has moved it now and I miss Lisaās smell.
She also had a lovely leather biker type jacket and a Burberry scarf which is still in the hall cupboard. I am hoping these will go with them when they move to their new house.
I hope that one day you can find comfort in the clothes he wore. I canāt even imagine how difficult it must be for you having lost 2 children. Life is so cruel.
Keep posting here. You know we all understand.
With love, Kate xx
Thank you for your message, people say in time things will get better, how can the, no mother or father should loose a child, I also lost my daughter in 2014, Kim wAs my youngest daughter in Shaun was my eldest son. Am still fighting for answer,s off the doctors at the hospital.