Thank you. Someone said the other day we ‘keep them in our hearts pocket’ and we do. Very best wishes and thoughts xx
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Thats such a lovely thought Nell. Xxx
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Bless you luv. Sending much to you luv shellyanne XX 
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Hello Shellyanne,
You’re so right people do not have a clue what you go through when you have a lost a child. I remember a few months after I had lost Sam and my friend took me out to Wilkinsons, I remember being in the store and just staring into space thinking what am I doing here, I didn’t realise but a man and his wife were waiting to get past me and as they went past he made a rude comment to me, and I ended up screaming at him and his wife and saying…you should be dead instead of Sam, how terrible that I did that, my friend then got me outside and I just burst into tears and she sat me on the bench and went back to find the couple and explain.But I couldn’t cope even now I get my moments and it’s nearly 6 years and I stare into that big black hole of despair.
With love
Helen
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Oh Kate,
My heart goes out to you and yes the best thing is to keep busy. I too when I get my moments as we all do I clean like a madwoman
Take care Kate
Love Helen
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Hi Helen, I did a few crazy things I regret in the early days, it must be cos we were literally traumatised. I know I was and I’m still so a bit. I’ve been lucky and I got a grief companion and she lost her boy in 2017, she says exactly what you say. It will never go away, but we will find a way to live with it, somehow. I often think how more isolating it would be if we didn’t have this place of honesty and all the wisdom from people further down the road. Thanks xxx
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Hi luv it’s 36 yrs since I lost my first daughter Katie and it took me yrs to accept it and it took as long to learn to live with it. Then I lost my mum 18 yrs ago and Inbetween all this I’ve lost 3 close friends to cancer then Jan this yr I lost Leah my world was turned upside down then you get people saying oh you’ll learn to live with it and time will heal and in the end I just screamed when will I heal n when will I learn to live with it and the despair you feel it’s horrendous I feel for everyone on here because we are all grieving and we know how people are feeling but when people haven’t lost a child they really should be careful what they say because it crucifies us love and hugs to us all shellyanne XX
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I think that’s what Michelle ( MattsMom) says.
It reminds us that our children are ALWAYS with us.
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Love and hugs to all of you having a worse than usual day xxx
Not much help, but thinking of you all. 
Ann
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Exactly, you know what you are talking about cos it happened to you. I’m so glad to realise its not just me. Till I came on here I thought my response to losing my girl was way unusual, I know now that this is how it feels to lose your child. It’s huge and feels emotionally like a run away train. But somehow we keep on. I salute every single person going through this, we need kindness and care and definitely not to be told to ‘get over it’. Xxx
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Hello Ann good to hear from you I hope you had a pleasant vacation, and you’re welcome I was wondering why you were MIA (smile) I am glad when you went to feed Katherine’s cat that it wasn’t too bad for you. It sounds like you are getting along better also which is wonderful!
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Yeah it’s not what you want to hear it shud be I’m here if you ever need to talk not you ll get over it in time it’s very cruel and cold XX
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Hi everyone,. Sat downstairs in the small hours for about the millionth time again, 4,30am. Not been to bed yet,. Just seen on Facebook a meme that got me thinking. It said something along the lines of. " Take care of your own trigger points, they are your problem, it’s not for the rest of us to dance around your feelings …
Made me think that was probably written by someone who has never been where we have,. It is kind of true, it’s up to us to manage our own trigger points, however it doesn’t go on to describe how people can sometimes treat you because they are totally ignorant, or spiteful, or selfish or just plain horrible, I learned to " manage my trigger points quite a while ago, what I didn’t have control over was all my so called friends running out on me. Or some of the things that have been said to me since my boy died. I don’t need to go into detail, we all have stories of people being insensitive idiots. But hey that’s life, you can’t force everyone to be nice to you or even care about you. When my son died I found people fell into 3 groups.
The first group was the people who really cared. They were few are far between.
Group 2. The ones who pretended to care but quickly distanced themselves never to return.
Group 3. The people who simply couldn’t care less about your loss,.
It’s a hard life lesson but but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger as they say. When ever the situation comes up where you get into a conversation about your child you very quickly get to judge a person by the way they react to your revelation that you lost a child. As a parent it will be something that we will carry to the grave with us. So when people come out with cliche,s. Like . Arhhhh you’ll get over it,. Or , well just remember the good times,. Or,. Well at least you have other children, or,. You look fine ,you must be over it,. I just learn to laugh at these people. They couldn’t walk in my shoes. They couldn’t do what I do. I’ve been to hell and back. And survived!!!
Ok bedtime I think. Take care everyone
Jim
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Jim you are spot on as usual. We live in a small village and recently an elderly resident told me the whole village wept when Lisa died.
You are right though about the three categories.
5 friends were there for us on the whole journey when Lisa took ill. Even making the 3 hour journey to Aberdeen to support us.
Group 2 sent flowers and came round to the house.
Group 3, if I bumped into any of them weeks after Lisa passed would say ’ hope you are OK, I would have been round but thought you wouldn’t want to be bothered’.
Well we cut Group 3 loose very quickly.
So last night we met up with my friend Ali whom I met 28 years ago when she moved to the village to stay with her parents. She had a wee boy Peter same age as Lisa. She had fled from a violent husband, still black and blue.
We got on instantly and eventually after a few years she moved back down to Harrogate.
She and her new husband rent our cottage every July.
So whilst we were having drinks Ali took my hand and said ‘it’s today isn’t it’ meaning the anniversary of losing Lisa.
We were both so touched that she remembered.
The people who really matter to us are those who can see our pain and be there for us. The ones who know what we carry with us every minute.
Much love Jim and all.
Kate x
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Morning Jim my god so many true words spoke there about people it’s so cruel and spiteful that’s when you need a friend s support but shortly after the funeral you don’t hear bugar all from them unless you txt or ring them first so I think if they was a true friend they would help you so I think was you ever a true friend atall I just try and talk to friends who look after me sod the fake friends hope everyone is ok as they can be I’ve woke up with the dreaded overwhelming feeling god I hope it’s going to get better through the day. Shellyanne xx
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Morning all.
Shelleyanne I have woken up with exactly the same feeling, its like groundhog day. Finding myself wandering around the house feeling lost, I cant focus on anything or face anything. Hopefully the sun will come out and I can go in the garden. The other day I was sitting on the step at the back of the house and a butterfly flew right past me into the kitchen. It settled on a window until I got it in my hands and released it. I like to think it was Niall showing me he is always near.
Love to all you amazing people xxx
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It’s an awful feeling Susan I finished my little cleaning job this morning and I felt the tears coming and I thought oh here we go again so I got home and instead of sitting on the settee sobbing I got my 2 dogs straight on the lead and went out it helped a bit but sat here writing this and I could sob buckets again yesterday was an ok day and I did my weeding I need to do more weeding but my arthritis is giving me hell tday so it might only be a small session tday but ilbdo a bit that’s my target for tday. Hope everyone is having a better morning XX shellyanne
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Jim you are so correct last night I was on the phone with my step sister and she let it slip out that my brother had a pig roast. She lives about an hour and a half away from me and I had not seen her since Theo died. I asked her why didn’t she let me know about the pig roast or at least stop by see me and she said because she wasn’t here that long just a couple of hours. Last year my brother invited me and my step sister told me about it and made sure I was there. This year it felt like it was a secret. Who knows I might not have went depending on how I felt, but I didn’t even get a chance. No one told me about it and it hurt my feelings that she didn’t even stop by or call me and say I am here and if you would like me to stop by and say hi I will. Those actions just solidified to me that people and your own family don’t know how to approach you when you are grieving. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because my step sister is going through some things herself but she was right here in my area and couldn’t call or stop by. It really saddened me and made me feel rejected.
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Hi Susan
Im so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son .no time atall im sorry youve had to join this road we are all on. Your still in great shock . Just baby steps my thoughts are with you …lost my son 25 .its 14 months now . Feels like yesterday the yearning and ache in my heart hurts so bad . I try to do things because if you dont life wouldnt be worth living .i was watching the marsden on tv last night my sam walking up the stairs .being told at 24 we can only offer you pallative care my brave boy was gone in four months this crazy sick world is so unfair . We all in this together .i would be lost without you all . This site has made me stronger love you all xxx
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Dear Racy, so sorry you are feeling hurt, I’m not surprised, but people do act strangely. And without thinking. It’s not the same as actual contact with your family, but you know that we on here understand and send you our love. Ann
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