Hi michelle sending you a big hug .this life we all find ourself in .is so hard sometimes we wear our masks and have to carry on I couldnt get through at times without you all big hugs to all xxx
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Hello to all lovely friends on here, I am here in the wee small hours wide awake! A normal for me since I lost my Gemma.
I wanted to talk about resting places. Although it is 8 years since we lost her, it is only relatively recently that I had Gemmaâs ashes interred (I hate that word)! I didnât want to do it as I liked having her at home with me but her son wanted a âplace where I can go to remember mummyâ. I would literally move the earth for them so thatâs what I did. It is a beautiful, peaceful spot and I decided to make the area around here lovely. As Gemma loved nature, I have been planting lots of wild flowers around her headstone and have had a bench engraved. My younger daughter has hung a pretty light reflector in the tree and miraculously I have discovered that I enjoy going there now, I find peace there. Sometimes I take a coffee, sit on the bench.
Michelle, I think that you do the same? Some people canât go and I understand that too, but I think and hope that we each find our own way through. Like Jim, I believe that we will see our children again one day but until then we just do the best we can. Love and hugs to you all xx
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Hi Michelle. I remembered your date too. Was thinking of you and your family.
So, I was at the hydrotherapy pool on Monday as I am awaiting hip surgery.
I was drawn to a lady in thd pool who was quietly observing me doing my exercises. I went over to speak to her and she said, I lost my daughter too! She just knew. I think we carry our grief within us but others who have also lost a child just know somehow. I also felt her loss before we even spoke.
Life is full of unexpected kindness from people we dont even know. Yet so-called friends will never be in touch again. Its just weird. Thankfully I am surrounded by friends who truly love us as a family which makes life a lot easier to bear.
Sending love to you Michelle and all here.
Kate xxx
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Hi all
Lots of u I remember from years ago. To old and new bereaved parents. It just sucks. We never get over it. We never truly go back to the person we were b4 we lost our child. There is a b4 version and an after version of us. The after version puts a lot of time, energy and really hard work to make people think we r the b4 version. Sometimes I think I can even fool myself. But then a day like yesterday happens and I am sobbing over a teatowel not folded as it should be. I think I am even fooling myself that it because it is the anniversary next week. Pretending I am making sense of being overly emotional. I tell myself these lies to try and cope or just to give my reaction a reason. When reason does not exist when I have lost my son. I still have his ashes. My ex husband wanted to share custody of his ashes, biggest joke ever. We divorced when my son was 4 and he never asked for access never mind shared custody. I have a bench at the scene of his accident where his siblings wanted it. It is not a nice place to sit and remember him. It is physically nice by the beach etc. But it is the scene of 1 of the worst days of my life. All the other worst days being the hospital, the funeral home, the funeral etc. I like having him with me but I worry what will happen when I am gone. Will they all share him out. These r the thoughts that keep me up at night. Still trying to make sense of what will never make sense.
Hugs 
to all
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Good morning Pauline, it is often the small things that bring us to our knees. Iâm sorry. If you are worrying about your sonâs ashes, I was thinking maybe you could make a statement of wishes that you would like your sonâs ashes to be laid at rest with you?Hopefully that would put your mind at rest. I would have done that if Gemma had not had children x
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Hi Victoria
Thank you for your advice. It does worry me as the family has just imploded and nobody talks to each other. I definitely want him with me. Just didnât know if it could be stipulated and adhered to.
I remember all your stories of Gemma and the family issues you were facing as well. I hope those issues have resolved for you.
Thank you for your kindness
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Sadly my family relationships have got worse. You would hope that they are the people who would support you but it seems not. They are not worth it.
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Oh Victoria
I am so sorry. It is the same for me. I now go away on holiday by myself on Conorâs anniversary and his birthday. As we used to all get together have a meal at his favourite restaurant after going to his bench. So removing myself from the country doesnât remove the hurt but it means I am doing something for my own mental health. Being kind to myself as I would if it were a friend. I am way to hard on myself and I think as a bereaved parent we always are. So please try to do something kind for yourself.
Lots of love, kindness and hugs to u x
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Hello Victoria, I am so pleased you are finding comfort by visiting Gemmaâs resting place, yes I do have a coffee and sit and chat with Matt, Iâm sure your Grandson is gaining comfort from having somewhere to visit too, although I agree itâs not for everyone, there is no wrong or right we have to do what feels right for us, sending much love to you my friend 
x
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Dear Zoe,
Sending much love to you my friend, we used to have many chats in the early hours and also Deborah, i hope your daughter and lovely Grandchildren are well xx
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Dear Kate,
I have been thinking about you too as I know its time of year that you will be reliving the time Lisa was poorly and you used to sit with her 
, I think we agree its the leading up to their anniversary which is the worst time, thatâs amazing meeting that lady and how you both knew that you shared the same grief, I find that some of the friends I have made since the loss of Matt will be friends for life, I hope your precious little Brooke is well, I love to hear what she is upto , take care my friend you are in my thoughts xx
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Hi Michelle. Good to hear from you.
Looking after Brooke today as her school is closed for the election.
I think she will be looking after me more like, as my hip is pretty bad now.
I was hoping to have had surgery by now
Love to you.
Kate xx
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Hi everyone, I read all the comments and my thoughts are with you all. I havenât written anything for awhile as Iâve been feeling pretty lost and alone in my own head and I donât want to just feel itâs about me when I talk about Sarah and how much I miss her because I know Iâm not alone. My heart is broken and I cry so much. Iâm still looking after Oscar and Ivy as Harry is still living with me until he finds a place with his new partner, it breaks my heart as I see his relationship with someone else every step of the way as he is living here sheâs now met the children and Iâm broken about it. I know eventually I will have to accept it better, but I canât bear it. It hurts so much. Ivy is now 2 1/2 and asks where her mummy is and calls her lots itâs as if her little brain doesnât understand that she sees her in pictures holding her but sheâs not here. I know Sarah would be glad it was me still giving them everything they need, but sarahnot being here to be mummy hurts so much, they say the children must be a comfort to you and as much as theyâre my reason for being it hurts just as much that they donât have their mummy itâs been since the 1st of October 2024 but my heart aches and I feel so alone sending love to you all who I know are feeling the same ,we should never lose our children before ourselves xxx
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It is hard watching our grandchildren grow up without their beloved mummies or daddies. I can remember Charlie crying and saying âwhy did it have to be my mummy?â And I thought âwhy does it have to be anyoneâs mummy?â All we can do is be there and do our best, as we all do. I have such a lovely, close relationship with the boys and for that I am grateful x
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Hi @Pauline22 my son Marvin passed last October aged only 26 within two weeks of being diagnosed with lymphoma. Marvin was fit and healthy, no history of cancer in the family and he had all his life ahead of him.
I am the youngest of eight children, both of my parents have passed away and all my family have disowned me since I separated from my abusive husband nine years ago so I really relate to how you feel about family. We are still going through a messy divorce and my husband has had no relationship at all with me or our children (Marvin and Bella) for nine years. However since Marvin passed, my husband claims he had a loving relationship with Marvin and he has all the support of my family and his own! I really know how difficult family can be and itâs bizarre that you can share the same DNA but be so different in every other way.
I still have no family support at all except Bella who thankfully lives with me and we talk about Marvin all the time. It was seven months yesterday since Marvin passed and I still canât believe he is not here. My children were the only good thing to come out of this marriage and I miscarried twice and had to wait seven years before Marvin came and lit up my world. I thought I had enough pain in my life but I never thought that I would be dealt this huge blow. We take one day at a time and know that we will see our children again and I think that our children were too good for this awful world.
I totally understand about the tea towel folding as any little thing sets me off too but when you fold the towel, ask Conor to help you and he will give you strength. It might be an idea to have a photo of Conor nearby in the kitchen. Regarding Conorâs ashes, you can definitely stipulate this in your will and it has to be followed, or better still arrange your funeral beforehand and that you want your ashes to be together with Conorâs.
Sending you lots of love and hugs xx
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Oh Lucinda1
I am so sorry u have become part of this hideous club of bereaved parents. I am so sorry u have had similar issues with bad relationship and family issues. Life really knows how to kick the shit out of us when we can barley make it thru the day. It is a betrayal u never expect from family. The wrong people r always the ones that want all the support for their loss when they didnât care when our children were still with us. Just know that ur ex will eventually get hit by the karma bus and Marvin will be the one driving the bus. For some horrible reason other people want to be chief mourner. I always think well then let it happen to someone they truly love. Instead of the pretence. I am so sorry for u and ur daughter. U will keep going as there is no other choice. The pain doesnât go away. It helps me to think of it as the price we pay for having loved our children so much. Feel free to private message me. I will happily offer u an understanding ear. So sad that we have both had such a similar experience. Today is Conorâs anniversary and I actually got on a plane and left my home to stay with a friend for 2 weeks. Just to avoide being home alone on the anniversary of the worst day of my life. It has made today easier. I am sure everyone here can offer suggestions on how to make it thru the days as it is still so new for u. That 1st of everything without Marvin will be dreadful but u make it thru the days somehow.
Sending you and ur daughter love and hugs x
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