My heart breaks again and again for all the people in London and Manchester who are just starting on this awful and devastating journey.
Thinking of you all on this site.
Anneka x
Hello All
Like Anneka my heart breaks for the people affected by the Manchester and London terror attacks. Those poor people starting on this devastating and horrendous journey. How can these evil people say they are murdering innocent people in the name of religion. If their so called religion teaches them hate they need a new religion.
With love Helen
Hello everyone, I hope your day is not too bad today. I hope you donât mind me dropping in, but I wonder if any of you feel able to reply to Christine? She is new to the site and has lost her 28-year-old daughter recently: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/sudden-loss-my-28yr-old-daughter
Iâm sure sheâd appreciate hearing from some people in similar situations.
Hello everyone, I have not been on the site for a while as I have been trying to cope and be strong. However the reality is I am still so far away from coming to terms with losing Daniel. It is his 28th birthday next week and as it approaches the anxiety and sadness increases. Not sure how to spend this day? Last week was my birthday and that was bad enough. I wonder how you all are coping. The weather and long days does help but then thoughts come crashing in and you just feel ambushed by grief. I do hope each of you are finding some peace. Sending love Wynne
Hello Wynne,
Youâre right about grief ambushes you, just this last moment I spoke to Samâs photo and then started crying, itâs been 6 months since he died and every morning I wake, I find myself for a split second thinking Iâve had a terrible dream then reality crashes in. Have you returned to work yet? if you have does it help in any way? I still have Samâs birthday to come and I am dreading it and the feelings of anguish it will bring, all I try and do is think each time I get a thought of Sam I ask what would he do? He lived for 4 and a half years with the tumour and made the most of every minute of each day. So I have no excuse not to keep trying, he went back snowboarding, went off to Croatia Turkey and loads of other places too did everything he wanted to do and I am so very glad he did. He lived and went to more places in 34 years than I have done in 61. He even finished all his carpentry courses and passed them with distinction even though one hand was still not able to grip properly following a stroke on the operating table in 2013. He overcame so much, so much so that some of his friends said at his wake to me âwe used to forget he had that thing in his head, he was some awesome blokeâ What a statement. So every time I crumble I can see him saying to me âfor goodness sake get on mum keep tryingâ
with love Helen
Hi Wynne i lost my 28 yr old daughter almost 6wks ago suddenly due to a tear in aorta ⌠i too am wondering wat is life about im having trouble justifying her death she was such a precious one never any trouble and we had a strong bond . Will this pain ever ease that we feel for our taken children xxx
Hello Wynne, I understand your anxiety leading up to you sonâs birthday. It is the worst time, that and Christmas I found very difficult. We have had 2 of each of these since we lost our daughter (20 months now) and the second was just as painful. The lead up fills you with dread. We have to celebrate and remember in whatever way we can handle (as if we need reminding any day!!) We have to help our Granddaughter through this time also although we know Mothers Day has been particularly hard for her when itâs all over the shops and they talk about it in school. She is more excited for Mummyâs birthday as children are for birthdays so having a meal together, a cake decorated by my Granddaughter, sending up balloons, lighting a special candle has just about been bearable. I find I donât get upset as much,(still do a lot) but I find the hardest thing is wondering why this could happen to her and us.
Thinking of you and everyone. X
Hi Wynne i lost my 28 yr old daughter almost 6wks ago suddenly due to a tear in aorta ⌠i too am wondering wat is life about im having trouble justifying her death she was such a precious one never any trouble and we had a strong bond . Will this pain ever ease that we feel for our taken children xxx
I can understand your grief, I lost my grandson Jordan at the age of 21 in March 2017, he was murdered in his home, he was my daughterâs oldest son and my first grandson, we was very close and I cannot imagine life without him, he also had a little girl age 3 so she has lost her daddy, I think of him everyday , I feel so lost and feel so guilty that I canât give my daughter her son back and find myself distancing my self from her, I donât know weather its because I canât cope with my own grief or what, I want to cry all the Time but find myself applying this hard shell in front of workmates and my partner, I feel so lost
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Dear Chilly, So very sorry for the terrible loss of your grandson. The pain indeed is the worse thing one can ever experience. Losing a loved one before their time. Yes one does put on a mask to face the world but inside the tears never stop. Especially hard for you little granddaughter tomorrow. THinking of you. Wynne
Thank you Helen you echo so many of my thoughts and emotions. Time is passing but the pain does not seem to ease. Your son, Sam had a very rich life just like Daniel although their time here on earth was so very short they both traveled widely and touched so many people.I suppose that makes it worst as their time was cut short and we are left wondering what amazing things they would have accomplished in the future.
Yes, I have had three days back at work but it has been incredibly hard. Really not sure I will be able to continue.
Sending love. Wynne
Hi Christine, Wynne, samâs mum and all.
As you know from my previous comments. My son Chrisdied in March.
Although I am getting out more now with my friends, Chris is always in my thoughts. When I bring him into the conversation, as any mother would with any of their children. I can feel that they are uncomfortable, as if I shouldnât recall things he said and did.
Talking about him keeps him close. Itâs not as if I express my sadness, just recall his life.
It is good to have a forum to express my incredible sadness to people who truly understand. I can be going about my daily business and it suddenly hits me like a hurricane. This incredible realization that I will never see him again.
One of my nieces is dating a medium, and I have had comfort from the message I got from Chris. Some of it the medium may have known from my niece, but there were some things he wouldnât have known.
It has brought me comfort to know that he is looking out for me.
You may have different views about this, but I believe there some genuine people out there.
My love goes outto all the grieving people. There has been many horrific incidents in the news lately.
Polly
Hello Polly, Wynne, and all of us on a terrible journey,
Iâm glad youâre at work Wynne even though itâs hard you may find that you sleep better because of you being back at work and possibly so tired. I am glad Polly that you have had some comfort from the medium, I too took comfort from a spiritualist I went to see, the things she said she could not have known the fact that she said Sam wantâs to thank me for not letting him go to hospital ( I was insistent that he remain here with me I didnât want him going to a hospice he hated hospitals) she also said they didnât take my (meaning Sam) sense of humour and that is so trueâŚand also that he passed very quickly. He woke up on the Thursday morning and was sick and slipped into a coma and died on the lunchtime on the Friday. We all get that terrible feeling when the grief hits us out of the blue. I always talk about Sam to my friends and they talk about him also which helps me, my elder son cannot begin to even talk about Sam to me but I think he does say a few things to Hannah (his wife). Sam is all around me and I can feel him especially when I start to cry that is when I talk through my tears to Sam because I know he can hear me and it comforts me.
We all are trying in our own way to accept what has happened and try to live as normal a life as we can. Sam would expect it of me, and I am sure in Daniel and Chrisâs way they too would expect you both to try your best to get on. They can see and hear you and they are there trying to let you know in the best way they can that they are still around, for you Wynne that clover and the birds, for you Polly to know he is there looking out for you, that is why I know in my heart that Sam, Chris and Daniel are all around usâŚ
with all my love
Helen
Hello Christine
The pain does ease, but the hurt never quite goes away, we will find our own sense of normal although there is no time limit to grief. There is a lady at zumba older than me but her daughter died 30 years ago aged 9 from an asthma attack, she said to me that even now if she hears a certain record or is in a certain place the tears could flow but she keeps going, she said to me there is no alternative.
with love Helen
Hi Polly
I just reread your post and your friends attitude about you talking of Chris.
Take no notice of âyour friendsâ that appear uncomfortable when you speak of Chris if it brings comfort to you carry on talking about him but tell them that it brings comfort and helps you and if they are true friends they will understand and bring him into the conversation themselves.
with love Helen
Hi Helen ive had a very hard couple of days i always find fri n sat worse as kerri collapsed at 17.15 fri out of blue n was gone a few hours later⌠i just keep thinking should i have noticed anything out of the ordinary and is she happy on the other side so many thoughts are screwing with my mind⌠i cry constantly âŚhave to put front on on front of my 12yr old son as he scared now im gonna die .how can i promise tommorrow i be here wen no one knows wats around the corner⌠ive told friends i need space as they want to visit n give me support but i just wanna be alone at present in my own grief âŚthanks for ur reply before its lovely to have other beareaved parents n grandparents i feel u understand me more xx
Thank you Helen for your words of comfort.
Polly
Dear Friends,
It has been a very hard week as it was Danielâs birthday. We went away with family but it was a case of just getting through the day. As so many of you have said the Agony just continues and when you come home you are reminded of everything again. I am thinking seriously about contacting a medium to see if that will help. Some days I feel that our boy is so close but like many of you it would be comforting to know he is safe and happy in another world. Sending you all love. Wynne
Hello Wynne, hope you got through the day ok? I am dreading Dawns birthday in july; donât know what I will do at the moment as its on a dreaded Saturday when sh e passed, I also want to contact another medium it will be the third hve to get something some when ,but do not feel her close evan though her ashes are in the garden ,like you hope she is alright in the life beyond . love maddie
Dear Maddie, I hope you are copying Okay as I know July will be a difficult time for you as it is the month Dawn was born. Did you also manage to also contact another medium? I still look for signs of our dear boy, Daniel but life continues to be so very hard. Everything so pointless and even though I try to be happy for others when good things happen in their lives, for us time stands still and we just go through each day with heavy hearts. Sending you and everyone else love and strength Wynne