Loss of partner after short illness

Well this is almost a folk song in its drama, bad timing, and tragedy. On the first of April my partner went to A&E with sudden onset jaundice. The scan looked very much like pancreatic cancer and indeed that is what it was. The oncologist thought chemo would give him a year to 18 months. We had planned to marry anyway, and his divorce had only come through in March. We looked up where you could get married quickly and Denmark seemed to be easy. We submitted all our paperwork and got a wedding date of 9th March. We were due to travel by train (I hate flying) on 6th March, but he collapsed having had a hypo. He was determined that we would get to Denmark and I booked next day flights to Copenhagen. The next day he was worse, and his temperature dropped so I called an ambulance. A&E saw him very quickly and pumped him full of antibiotics, although A&E was horrendous due to the shortfall in staff. He got worse and the following Monday he died, with me holding him and holding his hand. I don’t know what I’m starting the thread for, other than to vent about what happened.


@Catharchist I understand. My darling Sharon went to hospital not well with suspected jaundice. Then immediately diagnosed stage 4 pancreatic cancer then diagnosed also tumours in her liver. There are no words to describe this. I was supposed to pass first, I’ve written off 2 aircraft, 2 gliders, several cars, had and recovered from cancer, built and lost businesses, high stress etc - while she had never been ill in her life. We’d both given up serious work to spend time together, and then out of the blue, everything was ruined. Ended. She managed to keep going, withstood 40 chemo cycles, 12 A&E admissions with potential neutropenic sepsis etc, but getting worse, and I nursed her throughout - spending the last 5 months at her bedside 24/7 in the hospice (Phyllis Tuckwell, absolutely fantastic people who made this happen despite Covid). But although it was never going to have a happy ending, subconsciously I never believed she’d go, so it was so unexpected when she passed. I still don’t really believe she’s gone. I can’t afford to let myself go about the unfairness of pancreatic cancer or why she was taken with this for no reason as I think the rage would consume me, she never wanted to go, and there aren’t the words to explain how I feel. That’s why I’ve just joined this forum, because it seems people here understand, and if you haven’t lost your soul mate, you could never understand it. Sorry, I’m prattling a bit, so I’ll stop…


Martin was also rarely ill, and was running ultra marathons and things like that. It’s an awful illness.

1 Like