Loss of purpose

I feel very low, lonely, frightened. My mind is so muddled too, My confidence is extremely low, I feel I am needed by anyone. The thing is I felt this way most of my adult life. I got away from it, for last 7 years, because my Mum passed away and my Dad could not cope emotionally or practically. I virtually took Mum’s place, doing all Dad’s house keeping, being his companion, cooking for him & giving him lot of emotional support, as he was heartbroken. 3 years later when Dad diagnosed with bowl cancer, I stepped up more so to be completely there for him. I loved my Dads company, he was & is my favourite person. I put Dad first. My purpose to care for him as best I could., this kept me happy, to be needed & that Dad loved my company, We had humour between us, similar views & were in tune. I now find I hurt so much, although I have friends & family, I feel I need them, but they do not me. Although I get phoned & visited, I know am lucky in that way. All those people are needed by others, so ivisits & phone calls to me are squeezed in, when they got a minute, which I know at least they bother, but means I spend a great deal of time alone. Everyone looks forward to Covid situation improving, and I do too, but whereas they can make plans for holidays, meals out etc I do not have a person whereby I can make plans with. My neighbour is extremely kind to me, as will listen to me & I value her kindness, as she is wife, mother, grandma & much more. She tells me I am good person, but I need to rebuild myself. I do not know how to. She says there has been lot thrown at me. When Dad passed I took on his 2 elderly dogs, I loved them & I know I cared for them well, but serious illness resulted in me having to agree euthanasia for both, 3 months apart. A year ago after Furlough was made redundant from my job, where I was happy in last 5 years & was a purpose too. I feel wiped out, that I have no fight I’m me. I rehomed a dog, she nervous dog, feared lead, with trainers help she improved & we bonding well, she has lovely nature. I feel thou, I am just a dog owner, I am nobodies daughter anymore, I have had no partner for 20 yrs, no children. My brother seems to keep his distance & I realise has his own grief to deal with. I feel everyone else I know, has love & future plans. I want to work, as was always a good worker, but feel overwhelmed & lacking to find a job. I get very shakey & feel cannot cope with starting anew. My neighbour said visualise my self in 5 yrs, this mortified me, as I see myself just as lonely, unconfident, lost. I would love to find a companion/partner. So I feel is just me & my dog, year in, year out. My neighbour hugged me yesterday & it was the Kindest gesture, I do not know what I would do without this wise, kind, caring, remarkable lady of 81 to my 56 yrs. She has a seriously ill daughter & to support me too, is true goodness.


Greenfields, I have read your post and it’s sad. You are still young with many years ahead and need to think what you want to do. It’s difficult when you have been the person who does the does the caring roll. I can sympathise because for most of my life I have looked after family members and when I finished with one person there seemed to be another waiting, you just feel exhausted and at times used.
Making a life for your self is now a must do but how is the difficult thing. I send you lots of hugs and hope that you can sort out how to enjoy the years ahead. S xx

Hi Greenfields, life can be so cruel at times & I feel every ounce of your pain , they do say you can be in a crowded room & still feel lonely & that’s how this grief makes you feel, I have family two brothers who I know are grieving in their own way & my dad who at 85 & has lost the love of his life after 67years of marriage is doing so too, I have two very supportive daughters but still feel so alone after the loss of my mum, I’m 58 & feel like a lost little girl, I know I’ll never be the strong independent person I was before, loss of a loved one does change you & I will live with that, I’d give anything to have my mum back as my world now is not the same I just go through a day at a time, the funeral is Wednesday which I’m dreading they say life goes on but like you said I don’t know how, keep messaging on here , its comforting to know we are not alone with our grief & can try & help each other, stay safe, your are in my thoughts
Love Lynn x

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Hi Lynn,
So good to hear from you, albeit, you feel such pain & loss. Like you I feel a little girl lost without my Dad, Although, I looked after him… When his health was there, he was my protector, always there, if car problem, water leaks, put me right on my gardening. Interested in my interests. Watched lots TV together, ate meals together and he was so funny in a innocent way. People loved him. I was & am so proud of him. I am trying so much, to keep going, but am finding into the 2nd year of loss, somehow far more excruciatingly painful & lonely. Time seems to stand still. My brother, niece & I are trying finish clearing Dads home of 60 years. We were all unable to face it, for long time, still cannot rally but beginning to feel is sad has been not been lived in 17 months. & sad standing empty. A lot had to be done & we trying to make it a blank canvas for buyers. Today I took several boxes of Dad’s unused medicines, & ileostomy bags & all the accessories, skin cream, mouth washes, all in relation to coping with cancer, to the Chemist. This was a upsetting errand, needed to be done. The selling of the home is going to be an emotional hurdle which will be so upsetting, as we very close family. When my brother & I left home, for following years went for Sunday dinner not without much fail. Mum did good job of feeding us & Dad would recount funnystories of being in national service, school boy, painter & decorater, fisherman, clay shooting & more. . We would laugh so much & when we lost Mum we carried on, taking turns to cook. So many memories, so much to miss. But like you with your Mum, Dad my key person, & the emptiness overwhelming. Thinking of you too Lynn, thank you for your kindness., it helps

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Also, thinking of you on Wednesday on such a sad, difficult day to get through. . I hope goes as well as is possible. Take Care.

Thank you Susie for your encouragement. I really do not know how I go on. I am taking very small steps. I am no good with change at all. My dog, who I brought as a tribute to my Dad, is my starting point. She’s lovely and twice daily long walks help little, although I often sob, when no one about. But people fuss her & pass time of day with me, it’s something.

That’s the joy of dogs. I use to run, no really only wobble and the dog walks always give me a smile or an encouraging word. Things will improve and your life will have meaning, just so long as you don’t expect instant changes. Your inner strength will guide you and he will always be part of your life. Keep posting and walking. Take care S xxx

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Hi Susie, thank you, I do not expect instant changes, but I feel others do. It’s so horrible, frightening, isolating. When we lost my Mum and all through the years following, my Dad would say he did not know how to live without Mum, but he was lucky, as I put him first and helped, supported to my best ability. But I do not have anyone to do that for me. Somehow I take each day at a time, but I find them so overwhelming, My dog thank goodness give me reason to get through & some friends,… Everything feels x 100 difficult,