Loss of Wife

Hi , Just reaching out , I lost my beautiful wife on the 28th March aged 46 my whole world is gone she left behind 3 daughters and my 10 year old son we are all numb , my anniversary was in May and would of been 20 years and more recently my daughter turned 18 these 2 dates were really upsetting for all of us , I am finding the pain is getting worse and I m due back to work in a weeks time I know I’m not ready but have bills to pay , anyone on here feel like your in a bad dream and will wake up soon , I hate life at the minute


I can truly understand your pain. My husband died on 6 th June 2 days before his birthday. It would have been 50 years married next Friday. Life is indeed hell. Unlike you we had no children. I don’t know whether that is better or worse. I really hope you and your family can support each other


I’m so sorry. I lost my wife 12 weeks ago tomorrow. I keep thinking she’s away on a visit and will be back soon. There are some wonderful supportive people here and they’ve advised me to take things 1 day, 1 hour or 1 minute at a time. Whatever it takes. this is a terrible journey we are on and we can only help each other along.


Hi, so sorry for your loss, i too lost my wife , also aged 46, on 30th May, she would have been 47 tomorrow, and our 23rd wedding anniversary would be August 4th.
I’m 6 weeks down the line now, it’s maybe %5 easier now, i can talk about her without breaking down, but still get awful panic attacks when i think of never seeing her again.
As Pudding says, really hope you can find strength and support from your family.
Very best wishes mate


I lost my partner aged 46 on May 20. We had the funeral on Thursday and it’s felt so surreal now that we’ve gone through that moment of what is I suppose “closure”. I’ve cried more since the funeral than before. I think the reality of how life is going to be now has truly set it.

I’m a teacher so am now finished for the summer (I’m in Scotland). I feel partly glad about that because I wouldn’t be coping right now if I were at work, but equally, I’m struggling because my work colleagues, who were so amazing at keeping me going in the initial few days/weeks, are now on holiday and busy with their own lives. The daily checks ins have stopped and I feel I’ve been forgotten about largely.

It’s been a harsh realisation that beyond work colleagues and my parents/brother, I don’t have anyone else to turn to. We were together for 17 years, and whilst his family knew about me, my family didn’t know I lived with another man. It all had to come out rather quickly after his passing, but fortunately, they have been wonderful. All of his family are vaguely close together geographically and, whilst they’ve been lovely, I only met most of them at the funeral, even though they knew all about me. I’m close to his siblings and gran and we chat regularly. His mother passed shortly before he did, and whilst she knew all about me, we never met. I regret that so much. The fact that my family didn’t know about us makes it that bit more difficult to try to work through the grief. They’re very supportive and are in touch constantly, but I feel great shame for having hidden our relationship, and regret that they didn’t meet him.

It’s so hard to deal with the losses that all of us here are going though. There are so many wonderful people here supporting each other, but those awful moments of loneliness and feeling bereft are devastating and it’s so hard to get through them. I’d love to wake up from this too.


You are all quite early on in your grief. Unfortunately we just have to walk through it and deal with each hour, day as it comes. Days do get lighter, the raw pain does subside. The grief tends to come in waves and floor you when you least expect it but in between the days do get better.

My advice, just take it slow, don’t think too far ahead as that is painful. Embrace the hard days as fighting them just prolongs the inevitable.

I’m 23 weeks in and I never thought I would have good days but I do, it’s not all consuming now.

@G1983 I have two weeks to go till the summer hols and I’m dreading them. My partner was a headteacher and me a TA so we spent all our holidays doing fun things. We had plans that are not going to come to fruition. So I’m trying to fill my days with small house jobs, meeting friends etc, will see how it goes. One day at a time.
Good luck everyone!


@Ali29 thank you. Today hasn’t felt such a bad day. There have been bad parts to it, but I’ve managed to keep busy. I think it’s the days when I don’t do anything or have anything planned that are particularly bad. I do better with something to focus on, even if it’s just telling myself I’ll go for a short walk later in the day.

I’ve been doing a jigsaw that I bought him for Christmas. It feels like we’re doing it “together”. Also spent time looking through his old photo albums. Lots of people I don’t know, but lots of smiles seeing him as a child. It feels quite cathartic and whilst tears come, they’re not the sobs of the last few days.

Hopefully you manage to keep going through the holidays once they arrive. Keep going! I’m sure you’ll just take it slowly like you’ve been doing so far. The first week was very surreal to not be going away straightaway like we usually did before the other schools broke up. I need to get back into a routine of going for walks or to the park, and to get in touch with some of the people who offered to meet up during the holidays. I always feel they’re just saying it because they have to, but they’re a great bunch and will, I’m sure, be pleased to be an ear to chat to or a coffee buddy.

Just coming on here and reading or replying is a help when it gets tough. I need to remember how I got through the initial few weeks, hour by hour. I’ve perhaps tried to bounce back too quickly.