Don’t know if I’m in the right place, my ex passed away yesterday with complication caused by life saving surgery, we had been divorced for 12 yrs but separated for 14 yrs, we had been together for 24 yrs ( was painful, he had an affair, and it took me a long time to get over it)he re married, I’m in a long relationship , I have 2 grown up children 26 & 30 to my ex who still live wth me, I haven’t spoken to or seen my ex for over 8 yrs, so why do i feel so heartbrken, sad ,

Dear flyingvixen,
I would think that what you describe is a perfectly normal reaction. You shared your life with him for many years, you loved him and he is the father of your children. Even though your relationship ended and you had not seen him for 8 years, he was still alive, but now he is gone and you grieve his loss. It sounds like you bear him no grudge and that you have been able to rebuild your life. Did your children keep in touch with him? They are probably grieving too. Hopefully you will be able to support each other. For all of you, it is the end of a chapter in your life and you will have to find a way to deal with the emotions that brings.
It is good that you have come to this site. We all know what grief is and try to support each other as best we can. Wishing you strength and comfort.

Thankyou Jo64 for your comforting words
Yes my children kept in touch with their dad, they did have the opportunity to say goodbye to him, I am trying to be strong and supportive for them, my son seems to be taking it the hardest he feels guilty for not seeing or speaking to him more often, I have explained that it is normal to feel like that but not to beat himself up about it, I also feel guilty for feeling so sad and crying and I do have a very understanding and caring partner. But feel like I shouldn’t be grieving for my ex husband it feels like I’m betraying him (My partner)

Thankyou for your understanding. I did say to my daughter that he had now broken my heart twice, we did have 24 yrs together and I can’t forget that, I did love him and he hurt me so much , same as you say at least i knew he was still their for our children but I now keeping remembering all the happy times,we had and that’s when the grief overwhelms me.

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