Hi everyone,
I’m not sure what to say, or how to express myself. Three weeks ago I lost my angel, my best friend, my darling wife of 30 years. Too young at 60 to leave us. Trying to cope myself, is hard but having a young 25 son, who has mental health issues and is now very challenging makes it feel so cruel.
Having said this, I know that I’m in shock, as I feel numbness then tears appear at the slightest thought or words spoken.
Outwardly everyone says how well I am dealing with my children and this awful situation. Inwardly I feel guity, lost and somewhat helpless.
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So sorry for your loss and feel for you with the additional challenge. 3 weeks is very raw. I am now just over 10 weeks and I still cry most days. Ignore what people say you will not cope at this stage. Everything will make you cry. Just go with how you feel. It is different for everyone. Beware the brain fog. Trying to repress your feelings will make you ill. Accept all the support and help you are offered. Use you GP if you need to. If you want grief counselling you can self refer on the nhs website but there is quite a wait. Just use this site. Just talking to others who know how you feel helps. Xx. Sandra
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@Cove Hi Cove, and a sad but warm welcome to the site. So incredibly sorry that you find yourself here but as Pudding says it’s a good place to find yourself in your moment of need, everyone here has been through what you have, we all understand and we will help as we can. It’s been 9 months for me since I lost my wife, at 3 weeks I could barely function, I thought I was literally losing my mind, pain, confusion, exhaustion, crippling uncertainty and indecision. It slowly passed, I had to be patient, show myself understanding and recognition for each tiny step I took. As you say you’re probably in shock, I was for a good few months, in a way it helped, the brains way of slowly drip feeding the new reality. It really does help to come on here and say what you have to, sometimes you see an immediate benefit, sometimes it comes months later. Everyone you know, unless they have been through this themselves will not understand where you are at. I found it useful to tell people what I needed, they often wanted to help but didn’t know how. It’s going to be rough and there’s going to be moments of doubt and guilt but all of us here understand and can help you get through. Keep reaching out.
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@Cove so sorry for your loss and that you have found yourself in the club no one wants to be in. It is just over 6 months since I lost my partner. He was 57.
It is such early days for you, you will definitely still be in shock. Just try and focus on one day at a time or hour by hour if you need to. Anything that helps you get through the day and deal with the rollercoaster of emotions.
Take all help offered and try not to bottle up your emotions. People will tell you you’re doing well as they probably don’t understand what you are going through and don’t know what else to say.
Keep reading and posting on here. It definitely helped me knowing were going through the same.
Dear @Cove I am so sorry you are going through such pain. To have lived and loved for 30 years and then to lose your wife is the cruellest of crushing pain. I am now 2 years and 7 months into my grief. The only advice I can offer is to breathe in and out, make no demands or promises, just breathe.
Hi @Cove I feel people say we are strong and doing sooooo well because of their perception of grief. I think people expect us to be sobbing non stop, and believe there are still days like that lol. I’m nearly 7 months and times are rough but I do get good days too. 3 weeks in, I was a mess, a zombie. Be kind to yourself and just do what needs to be done to get through the next hour and day.
Having a son with mental health issues is a hard addition and I’m sure his condition is exacerbated by losing his mum. Seek help from the GP if you need to, although I’m aware this can also be a challenge in itself. If you have help, take it and be kind to yourself.
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@Cove hi, welcome to the site and so sorry for your loss I’m 12 weeks into my journey of the loss of my lovely partner Christine 
the members on this site have been a god send for me and have given me the chance to express my feelings in a way I couldn’t do outside the group!
Hi @Cove, it’s a nightmare that just keeps getting worse and worse, I know how you are feeling I’m 7 weeks now after losing my wife of 32 years, the pain is unbearable, friends and family don’t have a clue what we are going through, I cry every time I even think about my Julie, I find it impossible to talk to anyone without getting upset and keep telling everyone that I’m coping, that’s a joke my whole life has been ripped apart. I don’t think the pain will ever go away, at least you have a son that needs you and this will keep you going,
@Wayne2 im sorry you are in so much pain. Just by chance found a book Healing through the dark emotions that is free if you’re on audible. Don’t know if you feel up to reading but from the bit I’ve read she recommends ‘leaning into’ the pain grief. Have a look at kindle sample? Hope this helps and praying for a few clear spots of less pain for you to gather strength from.
Hi @Water really hope something changes soon, feel like life is unbearable at the moment, just can’t see any future or a way forward, Julie was my whole life and my best friend, just can’t come to terms with what has happened,
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@Wayne2. I found my grief turned me into the most terrible liar, with the most used reply being, “i’m doing ok” i will never ever be ok, there’s no “ok” for me without my husband. I want him back, i want our lives back. I want the love, fun, protection, comfort and life back that i lost when covid took him too young.
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Wayne 2 i can totally agree with you on this. Just feel so lost and can’t see a future or as you say a way forward. My gorgeous fantastic beautiful wife sue was my rock best friend told me if i was screwing up and rebuild me after my first wife destroyed my confidence. Took sue a long time to do it but some of the doubts are starting to creep back in and i,m trying to force them back to where they belong. We owe to our wives to honour there memories and try to carry on