Lost a family member a year for the last three years

I’m really struggling and cry everyday. In early 2019 my Grandad passed away he was the first person I lost that I was extremely close to, he had dementia and although I was very upset I was glad that he was at piece I had the honor of writing and reading his Eulogy and has hard as it was I did for him. In August 2020 my world fell completely apart, my Dad, my best friend struggled with his mental health and it all got too much and sadly he took his own life he also struggled with physical pain too life has never been the same again I was the one to write and read his eulogy I don’t know how I managed it but I did. Everyday since my Dad passed I have cried, I wake up every morning hoping it’s all been a bad dream. Then a few weeks ago my Grandma died and again I wrote and read the eulogy (I do have a lot of family but everything gets left to me). For three years in a row I have organised funerals and read eulogys .
I qas and am still grieving for my Dad then my Grandma went the three people that I was closest to have left, I’m 41 but one mention of my Dad and I am in tears. I have been told I need to pull myself together as crying won’t bring him back then I was told by the same person that I don’t seem to be grieving as much for my Grandma I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel all I know is that I am really struggling, I have been on a priority list for counciling for 4 months I am putting all hope on that helping me. My daughter who is 15 has struggled with losing everybody too but I think she struggles more seeing me her mum crying all the time. When will it all stop.

You poor thing
How dare they say pull yourself together
They should be there to support you
I understand I loss my husband then 9 months later I loss my mum
I couldn’t grieve for my mum even 2 years later I still haven’t
I think my body couldn’t cope when my husband died as it was out of the blue !
Hopefully the counselling will help you to get on with your life (which I’m sorry to say will never be the same )
It has been 3 years since my husband died and I still cry for my loss
I know my husband and mum would hate me feeling like this
but when you were loved so much and you loved them so much there is a big piece of you that is broken and will always be
So please ignore what others say
You cry when you need too
I know it’s hard on your daughter but maybe you two could talk about your grief together
I started to write in a journal when my husband died
It enabled me to put things down that I couldn’t say to anybody else
I still write in it today but not as often
Maybe start doing hobbies with your daughter or friends something that might take your mind off your grief
It is not easy
It will take time
You will be surprised how well we can cope with what life does throw at us
I’m just happy that my husband and mum are not going through this hell !!!
When your feeling down come on this site
Hopefully someone will give you hope to get through your day
You take care
Xx