Lost a family member suddenly

I lost my grandad really sudden amd by sudden i mean i went on holiday and he was fine happy wanting a gift when we got back.

When we got back we had a phone call the monute we stepped into the house saying my grandad had collapsed due to his legs giving way. We phoned a amublance and he was rushed to the hospital and the diagnosis was that he had a water infection.

Monday we went to visit him and still he looked well and happy even if he wasn’t liking his stay in hospital. Tuesday was the same (i dropped family off but waited in the car park for them) until the evening when he started to detoriate the doctors thought he would stabilise and recover.

My mam went to see her friends to have coffee and a chat on wednesday thinking that nothing would happen to him and at about i answered the house phone and the hospital said he had detoriated again and we should rush in to see him at that moment i just phoned my mam and cryed and some how i managed to tell her to get to the hospital.

I waited and suddenly knew what happened when my dad came in from work really early and just went up to my bedroom and cryed. I did manage to get myself alright to go round to work and say that i was going on bereavement leave.

I have sort have put a facade up to let people know that i am alright but while my mam is sorting the funeral out with my nanna i am burying my head into either playing video games or watching youtube videos but my mam has said that i should go back to work when my bereavement leave ends to try and get back into routine and just have the day off when its the funeral but i feel its way to fast and that i will do something regrettable.

I think that is my mam’s way of greiving of losing her dad aswell but what can i do?

Hello James
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you have lost your grandad so suddenly it must be such a shock that he has gone.
Please read some of the posts on here and you will realise you are not alone and when you are shut away in your room many of us are doing something similar and we understand the pain you are going through when you loved someone as you did your grandad.
You are young and your mum will be trying to make things better for you as well as dealing with her own grief. All i can say is that everyone needs time to grieve and if you really think you need more time then you should take that and please please you must cry dont try and bottle up your feelings.
Some people on here have lost parents wives husbands children etc but we all understand the pain and sadness of losing a loved one.
Please take care and try and talk to someone how you feel a friend family member it really does help to talk sometimes
Take care
Carol x

Oh James, I am so very sorry. It is so difficult for our younger ones as it may be the first time they have experienced a loved member of their family dying. I have three grandchildren and when my husband died three years ago, they were aged 3 years, 5 years and 9 years of age. It was so difficult for the adults, being brave for them as they loved him so very much, I hid my tears as well as I could until I had to leave the room as the younger ones kept asking questions about where is granddad, what time is he coming back, can I ring him, will he still read me a bed-time story. It was heartbreaking. My life had just ended because I had lost the man I had loved and spent 50 years with, our sons were devastated but trying to keep it together for their children, it was a nightmare. Three years on, our grandchildren still talk about him, our 6 years old even now keeps saying, when is granddad coming home again, I miss him and the tears are there again. Their granddad so far is the only death they have experienced and it hit them hard. You will never, ever forget your granddad because you loved him and you were lucky that you were a big part of his life. Just be there for each other, your grandma, mum and dad and other members of your family are all going through this nightmare, especially your grandma because she has lost her soulmate so you need to be together, talk about him, remember things you did together. After three years I still grieve for my husband and still cry for what I have lost and that is the cost of loving someone. Someone once said, that the greater you grieve, the greater you loved and it is so true. Take care of each other and just be there to talk, don’t ever be afraid of crying, crying is nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes boys and men hold back the tears and cry in private, there is nothing wrong in showing someone how much you cared for them. It is a terrible time for you all, but if you help each other, you will get through the next few days as a loving family, the rest will follow, it isn’t easy, it is very hard and like I say, it is three years for me and I still grieve for my husband and I always will. Sending you my love and love to your family, Sheilax