Lost and alone

I lost my partner 3 weeks ago, after 20 years. The pain is indescribable. I spend my days just laying on my sofa crying. My appetite has gone so I only eat small amounts when I can stomach it. Things seem to have got worse after the funeral. I just don’t see the point in existence. I hurt so bad every time I think about the fact that I won’t see them again. I’ve known people who have passed before, but the grief this time is so deep. I’m barely sleeping and just lay awake waiting for morning to come.

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I lost my partner 3 weeks ago, after 20 years. The pain is indescribable. I spend my days just laying on my sofa crying. My appetite has gone so I only eat small amounts when I can stomach it. Things seem to have got worse after the funeral. I just don’t see the point in existence. I hurt so bad every time I think about the fact that I won’t see them again. I’ve known people who have passed before, but the grief this time is so deep. I’m barely sleeping and just lay awake waiting for morning to come.
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Hi Sharrona, so very sorry for your loss.
Losing a partner is so painful and it will be dreadful for you at the minute. Do you have any good friends or family who can visit you, just for a chat to help you a little bit? I find it helps just to have a little walk (even though I didn’t feel like it at first)
Three weeks is a very short time so it is understandable that you can’t sleep or eat.
It might be a good idea to contact your GP who could perhaps refer you to a counsellor. It helps to talk.
In the meantime keep putting your thoughts down on here as it really helps when you realise that there are so many of us dealing with this awful grief. Unfortunately too many of us are in this same situation but we really do understand how you feel.

Sharona my partner Derek died 2months ago .I’m taking St John’s Wort which helps my mood and I try to get out as much as I can. I’m writing a journal about our life. together. I hope you feel better soon and find a way to cope. It’s hard isn’t it.

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Oh I know I am going through this right now ,Judith passed away 6 weeks ago and I am ruined,the pain is awful ,feeling sick all the time ,stomach all over the place ,you are not alone with this,grief is a terrible thing,it eats you alive,destroys you.Keep sharing your thoughts please.Michael.

Hi JaneyS, Thanks for the reply. I do have people I can speak to but some have been insensitive and others don’t fully understand the grief. So it’s difficult. I have to say that before this happened, I too didn’t fully understand the pain of losing a significant other. Yes, I think it’s a good idea to speak to my GP about counselling and also going for a walk to clear my head. Thanks once again for reaching out.

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Hi hilslarie, thanks for reaching out. Yes, I’m definitely going to look into St John’s Wort, as I’d rather try a more natural remedy to help balance my emotions. Thanks for the advice.

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Hi Mickeyboy31, I awake to another day without him. I’ve had some good advice on here which I intend to take up, but it’s hard. A massive hole has been left, an emotional pit that I’m trying to scramble out of. Thanks for reaching out and understanding.

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I am trying to scramble out of the same pit.Well halfway through another day of torture ,rake some leaves this afternoon,that should take up some more time.Then the usual sick feeling will return and the pain of grief then bed again.Great life now,unhappy and lonely.Michael.

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I lost my beloved husband near 12 weeks ago, each day is a huge challenge … we have 3 son’s who now depend on me fully so I keep putting one foot in front of the other. It occurred to me today while walking our dog how vulnerable I now feel in the world without him. I felt so protected by his presence in my life and quietly confident in the world, now I feel so exposed.

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I totally identify with your description of your vulnerability. That is spot on, I feel exactly the same as you Normeo, “protected by his presence” says it all.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband at such a young age, and sorry for your sons losing their dad. My heart goes out to you all.
We have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other as you say. Take care

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Thankyou, it helps to hear that other’s identify with where I’m at. I always knew how lucky I was to have met ‘my person’ and after 22 years he was a huge part of who I am but I didn’t realise just how much I relied on the emotional stability he gave me.

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Me too,they say you do not know what you have until you lose it ,very much so in my case.Judith was my heart and soul,my reason for being.Cancer stole her from me 6 weeks ago.Now I am a lost soul drifting along going nowhere.Michael.

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this too!
It’s completely devastating. I’m still coming to terms with how dreadfully ill Phill was and how he suffered through cancer. If it’s “their time” then why must they go through such pain to get there? X

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I had to let my Judith go that day ,she was really ill with stage 4 bladder cancer,2 major operations,chemo and then they told me there was nothing more they could do.She fought like hell to stay with us ,so brave so strong I was amazed by her mental strength,I had to whisper in her ear that it was ok to go ,it broke my heart,I am crying whilst writing this but I had to let her go she was so ill .OMG I miss her so much.Michael.

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One of the hardest things is that I still cannot believe I will not see her again,that scares me more than anything,after 32 years together how do you cope with that.I hate this new life without her,it is no life.She was my life,everyday she was my life,I do not know how to carry on alone in this empty house.How can you go on when you are so unhappy.I see no future for me except loneliness and pain and grief.Michael.

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I’m so sorry you feel so alone, do you have any family near by? Without my parents, sisters, and sister in law I don’t know if I’d have gotten through those first weeks, I just didn’t want to be alive.
My 3 sons have literally kept me upright, their needs have always come before my own and continue to.
Having lost one parent they feel so protective of me.
I really hope you continue to use this chat room and know that you’re not alone in how you feel. Have you considered speaking to a bereavement councillor?
Everyone asked me this and eventually a few weeks ago I booked to see someone, it’s useful to speak with someone who is not emotionally involved.
Like you, I find the finality of loosing my beloved so overwhelming and difficult to comprehend, I’m desperate to have him near.

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I lost my partner Michael in December 2020, now l frightened of going out I live in a bubble I’m Neither happy or sad, one of my neighbours said a few going to the local town, on the bus and do l want to come, l said yes but Panicked all afternoon then made an excuse felt bad for making an excuse but know I couldn’t have gone out, if they had said to meet at the pub, l would have gone, as l could have left when l wanted, the whole experience left me feeling bad, now I’m angry at myself and for them putting me in this position but I know they’re only trying to help, kind of realise I am now a different person from the one l was with Michael, always going out and enjoying Company, it’s so hard work on your own. The trouble is, l will feel down tomorrow if l go out, even though I won’t enjoy myself that much, is it worth it.

The anxiety that comes with grief is unpredictable isn’t it. I’m only able to associate with very closely family amd friends. I find being out doors manageable but haven’t yet felt able to socialise much, being in pubs, shops etc feels too claustrophobic. Sounds like you’re trying to re-integrate with friends which is a positive thing, but only do what feels manageable for you. I hope your friends are being understanding but ultimately you’ve got to put yourself first.

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Thank you l needed that, l cried because l felt let down by myself and l felt l let them down, in why l wasn’t strong enough to go out and enjoy the night, and feel ok about it, l wish with all my heart l could be the person l was with Michael, and not this bloody sad sight of what l am now….

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