Lost and alone

Hi
I have recently joined this group as I lost my husband two years ago.
I am completely devastated.
He was the love of my life and my soul mate. We were married for 25 years and thought we would grow old together.
Steve was a fit and healthy 64 year old, still working and active. He then went down with COVID in October 2020. He tested positive, was taken into hospital, put on a ventilator and 23 days later I sat with him when he passed away.
I was fortunate to be allowed to be with him on his final day but I still can’t come to terms with the fact it was so quick.
This wasn’t meant to happen, we had plans for the future, plans for our retirement.
Now I find myself alone, in the big house he worked hard to create for us.
I am trying to get on with my life, I have even been on holiday to visit some friends in USA
However, I feel so alone and life seems so pointless now.
It’s like I am on automatic pilot all the time.
I smile and do things but my heart hurts constantly.
Friends tell me to go out and do as much as I can as that is what Steve would want me to do.
I am sure he would but it doesn’t help when you are planning things on your own.
He was my rock, my support and my best friend. I miss him so much

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I feel the same but I’m only 10 weeks in. I get through each day But they are not the same and each day comes with thoughts if what I’ve lost. He was the most amazing person who made me happy and we enjoyed doing so many things together. The thought of doing them alone fills me with dread. It will never be the same but I will take each day as it comes and get through as best I can. Some days are better than others but I will find a new path, I will push it to happen because I have to survive too. It’s hard isn’t it.
Ali

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I feel exactly the same. I lost my husband Lee on Friday morning. It was sudden and unexpected, and I feel broken without him, but I’m determined to carry on for my 3 daughters. Every day is so hard. We were quite private people and enjoyed our own company at home, and having so many people trying to comfort me is hard, when all I want is him. X

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I can mirror so much of how you are feeling @Diane65. I only lost my partner 10 weeks ago. I am trying to get out and do things but just feel broken inside. Nothing has any meaning anymore. From the outside to others I may look like I’m doing okay but inside I’m crying. I just keep telling myself that Bruce would have wanted me to carry on so that’s what I’m trying to do.

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Morning Diane, I to am also like you and a little longer down the bereavement path and it is still hard. It’s easy for people to give advice on what and how to carry on but it’s not that simple is it… I put on an act when I have to be in company but it is hard to do. There are very few people I feel comfortable with and I avoid some people like crazy which is how I still feel at times!! Yesterday my daughter in laws parents invited me for lunch and all I kept thinking was Pete should be here with me, but I survived which is all we can do. A great love taken is hard to accept.
Just wanted to say that I feel feel the same as you do .
Love Jenny x

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Thank you The responding. It is so hard, I agree.
Every day I just wish he was still here.
I hope you find some peace and solace soon x

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I am so very sorry, my heartfelt condolences to you.
One day at a time is all we can do.
Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing xx

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Thank you for your message.
It is so hard isn’t it.
Trying to do things without him is the most difficult thing for me.
All I keep thinking is how much he would have enjoyed himself if he was still here.
It’s so nice to speak to people who are going through the same thing.
I am sorry for your loss xx

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Thank you Jenny
Your words mean so much as I can relate to what you are saying.
I had a family dinner at my house yesterday and all I could think was Steve would be having a ball and should be here with us.
I miss him so much and try to carry on without showing my true feelings.
Like you, I avoid crazy people, especially the ones who want to know everything about how he passed, and the ones who think they can tell me what I should do.
No one knows how they will react until it actually happens to them.
I miss Steve so much, I don’t think I will ever move on.
Thank you again and my heartfelt wishes go to you xx

Everything I do I think to myself Bruce would have like that or I’ll have to tell Bruce about that. That’s when it hits me. Realising I won’t be able to tell him about my day. This journey is so hard :disappointed:

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Dear Diane 65,
It was good to have a reply from you and will look out for future posts from you to find out how you are doing. As a wise old country Aunt of mine said… ‘There’s always a new day tomorrow whatever today may bring’ …I’m hanging onto that. We will get there.
Love Jenny x

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Hi Diane65,

I am so sorry. I’m finding it really hard to move forward. I get told to do things but it’s easy for people to say that if they haven’t been in our position. And on my own it seems very daunting. We were together nearly fifty years and to be without that special person is soul destroying. I miss my husband so much. I do hope we can find some point to our lives and find some happiness once again.X

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Thanks. Had a really bad day today. I’ve been keeping busy chasing insurances, and pensions and everything else you have to do. I feel like I’m drowning. I panic I won’t be able to afford anything as we ran a garage together and he was the mechanic and main earner. Not only have I lost the love of my life I’ve lost my stability and income. My family tell me constantly not to worry, but that’s easier said than done. X

Hi
I am so sorry you are struggling.
I know how hard it can be when things get on top of you.
Family mean well but they don’t have the concerns we have do they.
I hope you manage to sort this out soon.
Are you still working? If so hopefully that will help you stay focused. Xx

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We owned a garage together. He was the mechanic and I worked in the office. So as well as loosing my love I’ve lost my income too. :pensive: X

Have you contacted department works and pensions as at these really bad times they can at least advise you in your own right you can get a widows pension . I am so sorry for your loss each day can be like a mountin . The light goes from your heart and home but the light does come back almost like Going into the night but there is a dawn to come . To talk to others is a great help all the very best in time to come . You are the best judge of anything not others advise . The dawn will come but you will all ways love partner husband

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Thank you for you kind words. I will look into this. X