Lost and bewildered

I lost my lovely mum almost 4 weeks ago. We had the funeral 3 days ago. In the time between her passing and now i have been on a cruise with the partner i will be splitting up with at the end of the month at my mums insistant wish before she passwd and have had my 50th birthday. Throughout the process, my older.siblings and children (to be expected, though) have emotionally and practically relied on me, and i found myself pretending to be strong to ensure they were ok. But now it’s hit me . i am totally lost and bewildered, and I have to work, but i know i am not effective, and I’m just getting through the day. I am close to tears all of the time. I fell lost and low and dont know how i can cope with these feelings much longer . I don’t feel i can work, but i have no choice

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Hello @Julie1973,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

Hi Julie1973, I’m Julie1972 ( though using Julest) on here. So sorry to hear about your Mum. Is so very hard isn’t it? I’m 51 and had my birthday recently which was hard without Mum here. Sorry to hear you and your partner are separating as that is an extra stressor. I hear you about work and not feeling up to it. I’m also working . I’m a social worker and I’m not sure if I’m up to it at the moment but I’m pushing on as not sure what else to do. I’m still so tearful over Mum ( Mum passed on 27th December) and I’m up and down. Thinking of you through this difficult time. X

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Hi Julie, ive just joined the community too and posted for the first time. Im sorry about your mum and you are thinking of splitting up from your partner. Ive recently left my husband and am finding it so hard. It was my mums anniversary on Friday and ive been tearful and sad all holiday weekend. Feel very alone. Do you mind me asking why you cant take time off work? Do you not get sick pay? Its such a difficult time

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I dont get sick pay unfortunately and with the upcoming separation i simply cannot afford it.
Cannot stop being tearful everything seems empty and i am loosing everything i love…family time etc. Its so hard and i feel very self centered saying this but i honestly don’t know how i am.going to cope over the next few weeks.
Thankyou for your reply i appreciate your kindness xx

Thank-you for your reply i know inevitably i just need to push through but finding the strength and heart to do so when everything within my work.m seems so trivial is hard.
Your word’s and support are so welcomed and i hope.you find the strength to.push on too xx

Thanks for messaging. Reading your message helped me feel less alone today. Thank you. Its very early days for you. All happened so recently. So sorry you dont get sick pay. Doesnt seem fair. :confused: Please try and find some time for yourself when you can. Believe me its not worth it totally burning out. This happened to me when looking after my mum and she had such a terrible time in hospital that was even worse. I became very ill due to not eating or sleeping and ended up being taken into hospital myself after she died. So…hopefully people will realise youre not a machine and offer you some help and support. Sometimes you have to be selfish and put yourself first. Ive never been very good at that and look where i ended up x

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Hi, sorry for your loss, it’s so awful isn’t it? I think anyone who has lost a loved one can relate to everything you are feeling. Sadly what you describe is all part of the grief journey. I lost my Mum back in January and although I am functioning normally to the outside world, I am still experiencing times of utter despair. Literally you do have to just keep going, day by day, gathering strength from whatever gets you through. I know my Mum would hate me to be so upset so I grit my teeth and do what she would want me to do. Best wishes as you navigate this rocky road…xxx

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Hi Rosie, sorry for your loss. It sounds very recent and raw. Sometimes it does help to let people know how youre really feeling. You soon learn who’s going to be supportive and who isnt. Sometimes its the ones you dont expect. Ive been shown wonderful kindnesses from some work colleagues since i left my husband, while some ‘best’ friends werent there for me at all which i found very upsetting. X

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