Lost and broken

Hi,

I don’t really know what to write I just know I have to get things out.

I haven’t experienced a death in the family for 20 years until last Friday morning when my Dad passed away (seeing it in writing is hard). We knew it was going to happen fairly soon as we had withdrawn treatment the day before but he seemed to go so quick and noone was able to get to him before he slipped away :cry:
Since I got the phone call I’ve felt a little bit numb as well as lost and broken. I also feel guilty if I do smile, laugh or think about something not connected to him.

I’m being triggered like mad, literally anything can set me off. How long does this feeling last??

1 Like

Hello Lostdaughter,

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling pretty low.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

We also offer further support which you might want to take a look at. Our Online Bereavement Support includes our free online bereavement counselling, our Grief Guide which has interactive tools to help you cope with grief, and Grief Coach, where you can receive personalised support via text.

Take care - keep reaching out,

Alex

Hello
Lostdaughter

You do what you need to do to cope with your grief
When my husband died I was a mess
I just wanted to die
I was off work for 5 months just living in my wee bubble
Disbelief that he had died

9 months later my beautiful mum died
I was totally different
I have never grieved for her yet
I had to be strong for my dad and sister
I know what needed to be sorted so auto pilot just set in

There is no right and wrong
You must do what is best for you
You are allowed to smile laugh cry scream get angry
Whatever gets you through the day
Come on her to rant share your emotions
We do not judge
We are all in this club that we didn’t want to join
So keep sharing
You take care
Xx

Hi Scottie 10,

Thank you for your message.

I’m very lucky that my workplace has been amazing and are not rushing me to go back, they are aware that there’s likely to be a delay for the funeral but it’s my call as to when I go back. I miss the people at work as they are (mostly) a caring and supportive bunch but I am concerned about being triggered and also my concentration wanes alot at the moment I just zone out at times. I have another 10 days at least so I shall see how I feel in a weeks time.

I’m being strong for my mum and siblings but when I’m alone the crying doesn’t stop, I think my husband will eventually get sick of me.

Im angry that the process is taking so long, it feels like we are in limbo, we want to get the process moving but until we get the certificate we can’t do anything and it’s frustrating.
I’m worried about the 1st of things, it would have been his birthday at the end of the month, I don’t know how to get through that and Christmas as well.

I thought I was doing okay today then suddenly burst into tears in Tesco. When we got home tho there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky and a white feather on the doormat, I did see that as a sign, hopefully he is trying to tell me he’s okay and not in pain now and watching over us.

Sorry for the long reply, I’m struggling to talk to family as they are dealing with their own grief and I don’t want to drag my friends down.

This definitely isn’t a club we want membership to. I hope you are doing well lovely

Xx

Please keep coming on here to talk and share your feelings
And please cry it’s how your body is coping with all your emotions

And your so right everything takes ages to sort
It’s a waiting game
I’m not saying when you have a funeral the grief is over
But it’s the next step and like you said then first of everything

We are all here to support you
You might not always get a reply
But writing it down may help you with your grief

I hope things get sorted soon for you and your family
Take care
Xx

if you loved him, a long time.
see it as a blessing that you cared enough about him to hurt.

I am sorry for your loss. I never got over losing my dad. pain eases but
miss him bad everyday.

It broke my heart I was deprived of being with my dad when he passed my siblings were so mean to me not getting through to me to tell me he was dying. I thought the missed call was just her being mean again , no answer phone messages nothing
But apparently she informed me just by a missed call . I’ll never forgive them

Aww lovely thats so awful.
My mum and sister didn’t make it to be with my Dad, the hospital phoned to say his breathing had changed and by the time they got there he had gone, we have found out since that his time of death was even before the call was made. It breaks my heart that he would have been alone and today I just feel so angry with the world x

My sisters were with my dad. They even got him to change his will when me and my husband had gone on holiday , our one and only time to the USA my first long haul flight . My dad wasn’t in that right state of mind but they said things to make it happen . I don’t care and belongings it’s the fact they said things to hurt him or tarnish me from him that makes me so angry

So yesterday I went back to work just 17 days after my Dad passed, I need to keep my mind busy being at home is giving me too much time to think. Yesterday was okay, today however I had a little melt down, I don’t even know what brought it on it just happened. My colleagues were amazing, I turned down the offer to go home but these feelings are really flooring me :pensive:

one month after my dad died, I broke down too in the car before work. I still remember it … a long deep bitter cry. never wept like that in my life. I understand … :heartpulse:

I understand that deep cry it almost comes up from your Tum up, I did that at the hospital when I lost my mum, and both funerals mums and dads .
It’s a mixture of hurt and loss, ect