Lost and lonely

I am a young man in my 20s and 4 months ago I suddenly lost my young wife. Married for only 8 months But together since leaving school 10 years ago.

I feel completely lost. I am currently re evaluating life and how to try and live my life moving forward. things like working a 9-5 job seem so much harder when your not coming home to the person you love. I feel like I want to change many things in my life, changes that may bring me some kind of happiness in this new life And a sense of purpose for both me and my wife. The thought of Going back to my old job and my old life without her seems so hard. I feel like I now need to live life for both of us, there are so many things we wanted to do and accomplish.

The problem is whilst still trying to grieve these new ideas come and go just as quick, I take one step forward and five back. How long did it take others to start remembering all the nice memories of your loved one and coming to terms with what has happened. I want to get to the stage where the nightmares stop, all the difficult things I have had to do in the last four months move to one side and I remember my wife, my best friend and the many great times we both spent together and happy memories we made.

To Adam so sorry about your wife.all I can say is.take one day at a time its still very early days for you.I I am afraid in your bereavement you will have to rely on time.it will more than likely stay with you for the rest of your life.but being on this site will help you I am sure.people on here are all going through this agonising torment you are not alone .hugs to you Annette.xxx

Dear Adam
So sorry to hear about the death of you wife and at such a young age. My 24 year old son was killed in an accident 4 months ago, Not only did he leave me, his dad nad a little brother and sister but also a girlfriend that he had been with for 4 years. We know they had made plans to spend the rest of their lives together and we had planned to sell our house, move and give them some money so they can set up home together, Like you, they had known each other since they we about 14 years old, so as you can imagine she is totally devastated. We have always had a great relationship with his girlfriend so we have tried to help her through these first few months as she makes her way through this grief and I promised my son that we would look after her until she no longer needs us,
I do hope that you have lost of support and people to talk to, We are all having counselling including Jakes girlfriend and I think it is important to talk and not isolate yourself.
Take care

Hi Adam,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your wife at such a young age. It’s good that you want to find positive ways to live your life for both of you, but you don’t have to figure it all out or make big changes right now. Many people find that in the early months it helps to take things day by day and not worry too much about the future.

I’m glad that you’ve found this online community, and I hope that it helps a little to be able to share things here. As well as getting replies to this conversation, you can also read and reply to conversations started by others. For example, I found some I thought you might be interested in:

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this site, please do get in touch.

Community Manager

I’m so very sorry to read about your tragic loss. It must be devastating.
I’m 10 weeks into this nightmare , as my hubby of 35 years took his own life. The shock you are feeling is all part of grieving , as is the 1 step forward , many steps back. Some days will be more bearable than others. Take a small crumb of comfort in knowing you are not alone and places like this forum can be helpful to ’ off load ’ or just talk.
I don’t think there is a certain amount of time really, grieving is such a personal thing, with no right ways or wrong ways. Just take baby steps with this new way of living. It’s so very hard, I know. Remembering all the happy times and memories, can be bittersweet. But please remember them, you created these times , and that can’t be taken away.
You may feel alone, I know , I do too. But coming here is a great help for us all.
Sending you a big hug and wishing you some peace in the coming days. (( )) x