Lost and lonely

I’ve just joined the site so not sure what I’m doing. I lost my husband in April this year, very suddenly. We didn’t know he had lung cancer until the post mortem. I’m not sure if he suspected he had cancer and never said. I know he wouldn’t have expected it to be how it finally happened.
After dealing with all the paperwork and closing of all his accounts and finance stuff involved, which took several weeks. It’s now just me in an empty house rattling round and missing him so much. I don’t have any purpose to my life now.
When it first happened I wouldn’t believe he had gone and that he would come home soon. I’ve now gone back to work though not full time yet, this breaks my day up but the evenings and the weekends especially are horrendous.
It’s only been 5 months which isn’t a long time I know but it feels like it’s getting harder to deal with not easier.

I lost my husband to cancer in February, but unlike you he had been ill for about 4 years, with a year’s remission somewhere in the middle. I did think that I had been prepared for his death by the hospice, but ultimately you never are. The only positive thing about it was that we left nothing unsaid between us. It is very hard to be the one the one left behind, and although I have begun to build a new life with the help of friends and community groups, it is still unbearably lonely being in the house alone. I am retired, and find evenings and weekends the worst, especially Sundays which I absolutely hate - it seems to be exclusively for couples and families. It does get harder after you have spent the first few weeks sorting everything out, there is a kind of hiatus where you feel ‘what next’ and the reality of your situation sinks in. Eventually you come to a place where you have bad days and then less bad days, better days and less good days. But it takes time and courage to get used to being on your own after being a couple for a period of time, and adjusting to your new life. It still gets to me when I am cooking a meal for one or when I open my front door and the house is empty. Keep posting, we are all very supportive, and understand what you are going through. Take care and big hug, Tulabelle xxx

Thank you for your kind words Tulabelle. I will keep posting and yes I know what you mean about cooking a meal for one. I tend to eat snacks type meals until the weekend. You take care too and a hug from me xx

It’s very hard and no one would say this sorrow and loss is normal. The empty house and meals for one gets you down and then the weekends. We all have our own way of finding things that work even just for a short while but so far for me nothing works all the time or for long enough. I have got myself a cat, yes that one you can see. She’s lovely and always there when I come home, substrate but better than nothing. My soul mate went on a Sunday and that weekend will always be etched on my brain, so weekends or not for me. I try to find things to keep me busy but again it’s only filling the hole for a while. One day I will be aloud to join him but until then I have to put a brave face on it and keep going. Sorry no real answer, we all have to be there for each other and not be afraid of telling it, like it is.

Oh dear Dolly dimple
I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost John too in April and initially seemed to cope but its getting more difficult. I havnt gone back to work yet. I have been busy getting children back to Uni but now they have gone my life feels so empty. PLEASE dont feel you have no purpose. I am having counseling and it has helped even if you just vent your feeling at how unfair it all seems to have lost your soul mate. Take care Cxx

Hi carol, thanks for your reply and kindness. Keith was my soulmate too. I find myself at the moment thinking about the day it all happened quite often. I’m not sure if it’s because on Monday I’ve got an appointment with Keith’s Dr to discuss his post mortem report in full, as I was only told it was Lung Cancer, so I’ve got a few questions that need answers.
This week has been a better one but now it’s the weekend, I hate them so much. There’s only so much cleaning etc you can do isn’t there. You take care too xx

Hello Susie, thank you for your message. I can only agree with what you have said totally.
Everybody says time is a great healer, I hope so, even though there will always be a massive hole that will never be filled were Keith used to be. Take care xx

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