Lost both parents to cancer

I am a 39yr old mother of 2 boys ( 11 & 8yrs). I lost my father back in 2013 to lung cancer and then in my mother in May 2021 to Bile Duct Cancer. Both were diagnosed at a very late stage - Dad was diagnosed 16wks before he died and Mum 7wks (although she had been told she had 5-6months without any treatment). I am really struggling in the run up to Christmas, I don’t want to celebrate and just want to cry. I know they wouldn’t want me to be sad as they had a great life but I miss them so much. I am angry that I’ve lost both my parents yet my husband’s parents (who don’t bother with my kids) are still here. My kids are missing out on having Grandparents that play with them and do stuff with them. How can I get past this?


I am so sorry you have lost both parents at such a young age and so suddenly. It is so hard for grandchildren, especially if they are left with grandparents who don’t seem very interested. My grandson is devastated at 3 years old that he has lost his grandad. They doted on each other. We just need to keep their memory alive with photos and constantly talk about them. I have started a memory box for my grandchild. It has some of his favourite things, for when he is old enough to properly understand. My daughter and I are so angry that he has been deprived of a future with a man who loved him so much.

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Hi Laura,

I often feel the same way you do. My daughter lost her beloved Nan, my mum, 2 years ago who was her world. My dad died many years before my daughter was born.

My ex still has both parents alive who have seen my daughter a couple of times in 14 years of life.

Its not fair but I focus on giving my daughter a happy life just like my mum would have wanted. Its difficukt not to become bitter. I have friends who have both parents and hardly ever see them. Again I try and focus on the fact that I adored my mum and gave her years of company and fun. Its all I can do.


Thank you all for your reply. I am trying to focus on the fact they wouldn’t want me to be sad as they had a good life and it was their time to go but why is it always the good ones? The ones who help others and are there for their family yet others that only look after themselves and don’t bother with their family or grandkids seem to live longer. I was so close to my parents that not a day went past that we didn’t see or speak to each other. To go from seeing or speaking every day to nothing, no texts or phone calls is heart-breaking. I wake up and go to text them or call them and it hits me that they are gone so my heart breaks all over again.

I agree Laura and I also get angry that my mum and dad werent old (53 and 74)

I’ve got miserable aunts in their late 80s that dont enjoy life anymore. My mum loved life so much and would live to still be here seeing her family and watching her beloved tv.

Life is very unfair :disappointed_relieved: