Hello all, I’m doing OK. It’s just a couple of thoughts in my mind following my parents’ passing recently. Firstly it’s odd as I don’t mourn my mum that much. She was a loving mum, but she had anxiety throughout her life and became self-centred in her final years, and maybe that affected how I feel. That may change. Who knows?
But I’m still cut up about my dad’s passing ten months on. OK, he was old, 87, so I can’t complain! He had heart issues for his last two years and was in and out of hospital. I thought he’d get better, but I can see now the hospital staff didn’t think so, and they were right. A couple of things sadden me, and one will sound odd.
Firstly, although he retired early, he wanted to travel and do things, but he wasn’t really brave enough to do them on his own. My mum held him back to an extent. OK, he might have tried travelling and not liked it, but at least he’d have tried. If he had his time again, he would have travelled, and that saddens me a lot.
The second is odd, slightly comical. My mum was buried in the same grave as my dad six months after. Being nosey at my mum’s funeral, I had to look in the hole they’d re-dug maybe expecting to see the top of my dad’s coffin. All I saw was muddy soil and a few puddles. We’ll all end up that way I guess, but I just felt sad and uneasy about my dad being in that cold wet hole. It’s nonsensical as he’s dead and has no feeling or consciousness about being in that grave. I’m a practical person. I know a body has to be buried or cremated or it’d become a bloated rotting mess, but I just can’t get that wet muddy hole out my mind.
This grief is not consuming by any means, but it’s still an hour or so a day I think about my dad. He had a decent, simple and long life. I wished he’d done more for himself. He rarely went to school due to WW2, and this held him back hugely in life as he was a lot cleverer than his demeanour suggested.
I’m just curious about the wet soggy hole story and if anyone else feels that way?