Lost both parents

Hi. I’m new here. Thought I’d join as I’m really having a hard time at the moment and don’t have anyone I can talk to who genuinely understands what I’m going through.

I lost my mum in 2017 and it completely destroyed my world. She had terminal cancer, so I knew it was coming but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with once she passed. I still can’t believe she’s gone, because of cancer. It was always someone else who was going through it etc. Never did I think I’d ever hear the words come from my mum’s mouth that she had cancer, and then when it came back and had spread and we were told there wasn’t anything to be done, it felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.

Then losing my dad in November 2020, due to an incredibly selfish person basically passing covid-19 on to him, even though my dad was classed as ‘vulnerable’. Someone else’s actions cost me my dad. I feel so angry as he should still be here. He was taken from us unnecessarily. My children lost their grandad, who they loved so so much! And now I’m left with no mum or dad.

I just need somewhere that I can come to where others understand this feeling of grief and pain.

Thank you

Dear KayteC

You have come to the right place. People on here will understand your feelings of grief and pain. Even though our circumstances are different we all know how hard it is to lose someone we love. I know from experience how hard it is if both your parents die within a few years of each other. Our son lost 3 grandparents in the last 4 years so I can also understand how hard it must be for your children to have first lost their grandma and now their grandad. It is very sad that someone gave your dad Covid and that this causes you even more heartache. I wished there was something I could say that would comfort you or take some of the pain away, but the best I can do at this moment in time is to let you know that I am thinking of you and wishing you the inner strength to get through this difficult time as best as you can.
Jo

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Hi KayteC,

I’m sorry you have lost both parents in quick succession.

I have a sense of anger with the world too.

My dad had a heart attack and died immediately when he was 53 and then 18 months ago, my beloved mum had a fatal brain haemorrhage aged 74.

My world has lost all enjoyment. I’m a very unhappy person.

I try so hard for my daughter and partner, but losing my mum has left me bereft and bitter.

I guess all we can do is take each day as it comes and live life to the best of our abilities.

Chatting on this site is very comforting and I’ve found that people understand when no one else in our life seems to

Cheryl

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Hi Cheryl

I’m so sorry you have lost both parents too. It’s quite easily the worst thing I’ve experienced so far in life. The feeling of loneliness and a sense of being lost is so overwhelming.

I’m finding it hard sometimes to be ‘ok’ for my children. It’s a constant reminder that I’m a mum without a mum, or dad, now. Like you, I struggle to find happiness. It’s as though I’m very numb but sad at the same time. It’s such an empty feeling :pensive:

Thank you for replying, albeit for such heartbreaking reasons.

Hi Jo

Thank you for your comment and kind words.

My son, who is 6, is finding losing my dad quite hard. He tells me every day that he misses grandad and that he’s sad. It breaks my heart because I can’t take that pain away from him and I’m struggling to help him. I have recently bought a book about how to help a child who’s grieving so fingers crossed I can help him with his grief too.

I hope to find some comfort from being a part of this community.

Thanks Kayte…its such a permanent sense of loss and pain isnt it. X

It is!! No matter what is going on around me or if I hear something good or positive, there is always that feeling of concrete weighing me down inside :slightly_frowning_face: x

I feel like I’ve swallowed a rock, that’s a symptom of deep grief .

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In a way I’m getting comfort knowong I’m not alone in my grief and that I’m not the only person who feels like this.
I lost my mum to Covid Pneumonia on the 6/1/2021 and my dad to the same thing on 18/1/2021 they were both 83.
Mum had signs of dementia and diabetes and was quite bad some days. Dad had diabetes.
It’s not the passing of Mum that upsets me as I witnessed my Nans demise with dementia but my dads.
Our relationship was strained at times and he didn’t always make things easy with his critical and sarcastic ways. It was easier to avoid visiting.
When Mum passed I made a decision to go the extra mile to make a better relationship but now I can’t.
I have unanswered questions amd I need to know if he was proud of me. I know he didn’t like the animosity between me and my sister but I did promise him I would rebuild that relationship and we have been.
My sister did say he was proud of all of us but I still feel I meed to hear it from him. I just wish I could turn back time and not make the mistakes I did.
I really miss them both immensely.

SteveJLee

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I too lost my mum and dad both within a year. Mum had mental health issues made worse by a brain tumour only discovered when it was too late. My relationship with my dad was not great. He had a knack of making me feel guilty all the time. He went into a nursing home with severe COPD and collapsed and died after 3 months. I was unable to see him and experienced alot if phone calls when he was virtually demanding that I get him out. This was lockdown 1 and he was confined to a room…a sick man. No assessments were being done. I didn’t know what to do. Now hes dead I feel sad we didn’t have a chance to put things right but angry that he put me through so much. He blamed me for everything but I tried so hard to make things right. I thought my mum and dad would just die peacefully in their sleep but life is just not like that. Now I am very aware of my own children having to go through the same process but will do my utmost to make sure they are not as traumatised. Unfortunately this is the cycle if life and we can’t control it. You all have my sympathies. Let’s hope time will make us feel better. Being in this pandemic isn’t helping. It’s all so bleak.

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