Lost both parents

I lost mum 8 years ago after a long battle with two different cancers, then two years later we found dad dead on the hallway floor from copd, lung cancer and cardiomyopathy. Today I’m struggling, I’m having flashbacks and nightmares and the antidepressant are not working. Since losing them we’ve lost two grandparents, and a very very close friend to cancer. This grief is never ending. My home is a mess as I have fibromyalgia and hubby has a broken ankle so isn’t doing much though he’s my carer, our kids r trying to help. I just feel I’m letting my parents down. I miss them so so much. They did everything for me, wrapped me in cotton wool so I never learnt to cope alone.

Hi there Coppercaz,

First of all you are not letting your parents down in any way. You have had an awful last eight years, one loss after another and I am not surprised you are feeling you are struggling. It isn’t helping that you must be in a lot of pain physically with the fibromyalgia which is debilitating on its own let alone with other concerns.

I wouldn’t worry if your house is in a bit of a state, it is more important that you have your husband and children with you. It is really just muddling through together somehow.

The flashbacks and nightmares are not good. Would it be worth seeing your doctor and having a chat. I notice that you are taking antidepressants, maybe the dose needs altering? Maybe they are too strong as that can make you feel worse.

Do keep coming back here if you want help. There is an online chat forum on this site which is also worth considering and lots of kind people who will be happy to help. They certainly have with me.


Hello, i am new to this forum so just having a read through the posts. I clicked on yours as i to have lost both my parents. My mam 13 year ago to Breast Cancer and the my dad 5 weeks ago to Liver Cancer. It really is the worst feeling in the world not to have a Mam or Dad around, and what breaks my heart is that i will no longer receive a ‘Daughter’ Birthday card.
Please don’t worry about the state of the house, look after yourself and family first.
Maybe look at the antidepressants you are on, maybe a change of brand or different dose is needed.

Take Care

Hi Mandy

I won’t say welcome to this forum as the reason you are here is the sad one we all joined for. I am saddened to see your have lost both your parents, your Dad most recently. That feeling when you have lost both your Mum and Dad is indescribable. So painful, so thank you for coming on here to support others when you must be hurting so much inside.

Birthdays are no longer what they were before I do agree. I have kept favourite birthday cards from my Mum and my Dad. I wouldn’t put them up or anything like that but to have something with their handwriting on it. Seeing love Mum or Dad written down means a lot to me.

What I have done the last couple of years since the loss of my Mum is to buy myself a little birthday present, something to remember her by. Photograph frame, pair of earrings, something like that.

Once again I am so sorry about your parents. I lost my Mum to cancer and know how devastating it is to see someone decline and pass away in that way.