April 27th 2017 my amazing gorgeous boyfriend of 3 and a half years died suddenly at university. I’m struggling to cope with the idea that all the plans for the future I had are gone and I feel completely lost. We were good friends before we got together, and now my best friend and partner are gone. We spoke continuously everyday, and he got me through all of lived problems, and when I need him most he’s gone. How do I cope with this massive hole in my life his death has left behind? The feeling inside is horrendous
Hi hunni, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and that was so sudden and unexpected. I am only 29 I met my soulmate in October last year… it was love at first sight… my bestfriend and my rock. He was killed in a road accident in January. It will take time
For you to process. I am months on from losing Gareth… it still hasn’t fully sunk in and I find myself crying. We were planning to get married and try for a family… he had names picked out for our babies. We had both found a light in eachother after having difficult upbringings etc. Although I feel like part of my heart has been taken… I am still able to smile when I remember the good times we had and comfort in knowing we came into each other’s life for a reason. i hated peoples advice on dealing with grief but a lot of people were right in what they said… give yourself time… be kind to yourself. I am getting a tattoo on Saturday a soulmate on I designed for my Gareth x
Sorry to hear about your loss too. It was awful to find out what had happened, I have nearly finished university, and we had holidays planned and our entire future was planned out too. feels so weird not to talk to him anymore, 3 and a half years of love and happiness and a future together have been taken away and its so awful. I’m having to revise of my finals which would be hard enough on its own without losing my partner. It’s not even been two weeks, and the lead up to the funeral is torturous, like you Ollie was my best friend too, I’ve never found anyone I could talk too about everything like him, and I doubt I will ever again. It hasn’t sunk in for me either yet, I don’t think it will until after his funeral. That’s a nice idea, me and my partner got tattoos together when we were about a year in, i got a lock heart and he had the key, and not everytime I see my tattoo it only reminds me of what I’m missing from my life. Everyone has been amazing at supporting me, however I’m too strong minded and don’t like the idea of people seeing me crying and looking weak, which is stupid I know giving the circumstances, but ollie was the only one to ever see that side of me. That’s why I’ve come to this site, knowing I don’t know anyone and being with people like you that understand that pain you get from losing your other half, helps a bit. What I hate most is seeing people that liked and loved him moving on already and planning their future when mine has been snatched away from me, its very hard. Thank you for reaching out, even under these terrible circumstances we have both found ourselves in x
I couldn’t go to Gareth’s funeral… it was too hard… I did go to scatter his ashes though. He is a beautiful tree. You should never be ashamed to cry, crying is good, let it out. you have to remember all the good things you had together and everything he gave to you. That’s really special that you had that connection with him. Gareth found my voice for me… I was able to talk to him and he me. Never feel guilty that you have a life to live. I did at first… I wouldn’t even eat because he couldn’t anymore…but then I hear his voice say “don’t be a div”! Don’t think of it as moving on either… because you’re not… he will always be with you and a part of you in your heart.
At first the idea of going to his funeral was too hard because it meant that was it, he really was gone, but his parents have let me help decide a few things for the funeral, and I’ll be seeing him before he’s cremated, to say goodbye, I know Ollie would hate the idea that I never went to see him again. I know it’s silly but I’ve always felt like that towards crying, I was told often when growing up that I needed to ‘man up’ as a woman because I was conforming to the stereotypes of women (I live in a very feminist family). I told him things no one else knows, and I won’t tell again, because it took alot to tell him, he helped me find my voice too. Its hard knowing he won’t ever see what I do with my life, everything has changed since I found out, I couldn’t bare to live the life we had planned together anymore. I have found it hard to eat, I’ve lost alot of weight already, which I know would annoy Ollie, I can hear him saying things like that too, I know he wouldn’t want me to make myself ill over it. That’s the problem, I’m moving to China in August to go teach which Ollie was dreading as I would be gone for most of a year, but then we planned to move in together to start our lives. Now China feels like an excuse to leave my grief behind, to forget about whats happened, and I know when I come back its all going to hit me again. He will never leave my heart, he was my soulmate, my one great love, and now thats gone, its hard to accept. How did you find it when you scattered his ashes? I’m dreading that part
I didn’t go and see Gareth before the funeral… he wouldn’t have wanted me to anyway to have that as my last image of him. I couldn’t due to his injuries anyway. I was the last one to see him that morning though… we hugged and kissed and said our I love you’s. To be honest I felt numb scattering him… knowing that was what was left of him… however I look at the place we did it… it’s perfect… herons landing… swallows dipping in and out… n I find great peace knowing he is free there. I do believe I will be reunited with him again… I’m very spiritual n I’ve had things happen since after his death that I can’t ignore to be signs from him. Ollie would be so proud of you for what you’re accomplishing with uni and going all the way to China. It will get to the point it’s easier to cope with but will never go away. As far as never having it again. I believe that too… I wouldn’t want to. Not in the same way.
I can imagine after what happened you wouldn’t want to see him like that, I don’t want to see Ollie in case it just looks like he’s sleeping, it would break my heart knowing he wont ever wake up ever again. I think I need to see him though because I still feel like its all one awful joke, that he will ring me and tell me he was messing around, which he would never do, or that he will just walk into a room and act like nothing had happened. I didn’t see Ollie for just over a week before he died due to both of us having uni commitments, I’m in my final year, and after full time work he decided to go back to uni so he was just about to finish his first year. I like the idea that Ollie will be free when he’s scattered, I believe I’ll see Ollie again when I go, whenever that is. Ollie would get annoyed at me for that, he didn’t really believe in any of the spiritual stuff, but now it’s the only thing keeping me going, the idea I’ll be with him again. I’ve not had anything like signs from him, I hope that mean’s he’s moved on. The last thing he said to me was that he was proud, we were texting so casually and he never replied again, his heart just failed him. People think I’m crazy for doing my exams still, but I know he would want me to finish on time and graduate. I know what you mean, I would never have that same connection with anyone, what we had was special to us, and that will go with him when his funeral is over, and he’s gone forever.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m 23, and my boyfriend is 24. On the 4th of May I found out my boyfriend passed away in a accident in Germany (he was there only for a day for business) We’ve been dating for just over 4 years and everything was perfect.
Now life has been turned upside down.
Nearly 4 months on I still can’t believe it. I look back and it still doesn’t feel real. I don’t know how I’ve survived this long.
Work luckily gave me a few months off work, and I’ve been back to work part time for about a month and this week I’m back full time since.
I’ve also somehow passed my driving test first time which my boyfriend kept betting that I was going to do so now I have his car.
I find it very hard to find people around my age who has gone through the same thing. There’s not a lot of stuff online about loosing your boyfriend at a young age.
Me and Jacob were also like yourself and had things planned. Hopefully after I passed my test we wanted to save for a flat then we would start thinking of more of the future (eg engagement, getting married kids ect)
He was also my best friend. We played pc games together, nerded out lots and was just overall the best person in my life.
It doesn’t feel like I’m living my life anymore. I’m just dealing with it wishing the days are over.
Love Laura xx