I am new to all this and only lost my husband yesterday. The doctors did everything they could but unfortunately he passed away. I was with him in hospital for 4 days and watched him slip out of my life. He deteriorated so quickly before I managed to see him that I didn’t get to speak to him to say goodbye.
I’m not sure how to handle the grief. We were only together 4 years married for 2. And his health had not been great for a while. But his death was still sudden and unexpected. I am having an array of feelings at the moment between numbness and shock as I still can’t quite believe he’s gone. Sometimes I will burst into tears and I know there will be more to come as I have to still organise the funeral and sort his estate. Like some people I’ve seen mention on here I don’t know how I am going to do anything. We have a house together but I can’t bear to go back at the moment as I know he won’t be there and the house is as he left it before going to hospital.
I am currently staying with my parents and have to speak with the hospital bereavement team tomorrow as non of the legal documents have been sorted yet. It all feels very overwhelming at the moment and I don’t have much of an appetite.
It brings a small amount of comfort reading these posts knowing I’m not the only one going through this.
My mum dad and family have been so supportive so I am lucky for that.
But I do keep beating myself up at the moment thinking could I have done more. If only I had spotted his health deteriorating earlier maybe he would still be here.
Although I have family around me I do feel very lost and alone right now
I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in a state of disbelief at the moment, everything will be so raw. The Bereavement team will let you know tomorrow when they can release your hubby so you can start arranging the funeral. I am not sure how I got through those first few weeks, but somehow you do, and so will you. There is a widows grant that you should apply for, it is not means tested, so don’t forget to apply for it, as it will help you. You will get a lot of support through this forum, so please ask, we have all been where you are. Thinking of you, and always happy to chat. Look after yourself, make sure you eat something even if it’s just toast, and if needed ask your Doctor for something to help you sleep. X
Gabbie how brave of you to speak about your loss. I lost my hubby in August and still can’t believe he’s gone. None of us signed up for this life. You will have so much to sort out at the moment it takes your mind off things. It doesn’t really hit you till everything is sorted and you have had funeral I to hate coming home to a cold dark house and I still haven’t sorted his things out just can’t bring myself round to doing it seems as long as his things are here he is in a way here with me . My heartfelt wishes to you and your family and hope you keep on posting on here for support. Xx
I’m sorry for your loss but pleased you have opened up and joined us here. As previously mentioned, we are all at different stages of our bereavement so the help and support and advice is endless here. Never be frightened to ask or to say it how it is. We all get it and understand.
I really feel for you. It’s so hard to imagine how to be able to move forward. My husband passed away on Christmas Day, it’s so hard being here without him. He was at home with me to the end, and I walk into the bedroom expecting him to bed there.
Oh gosh, I’m so sorry for you. I lost my husband on 10th December. He was only in for 24 hours and was such a rollercoaster of feelings. I was am am devastated, I felt cheated out of our future together like someone had stolen that time from us. It is so difficult, and like you I’d never planned a funeral before. My husband passed on a Friday so I couldn’t phone till the Monday so had the whole weekend lost with everything, and then when I spoke with them, after promising to get back to me the next day it was actually 4 days. Made worse as the funeral home couldn’t collect him until the Friday evening then it was the weekend againg so it was actually 9 days after his passing before I could go and see him. I was so upset. There is so much to do, but everyone involved was lovely and made things as easy as they could. It’s very hard and I have good days and really bad days but keep talking, I’ve found reading post’s on here helps me on a night, when you might be feeling upset and can’t phone anyone. Take care xxx
Welcome. Its good you found this site. Its somewhere that you can say things to others with the same experience. Unless you have lost someone very close, it is not understandable how you are feeling, even to your closest family or friends. I lost my husband last July, my world turned upside down. Keep posting. It does help. Best wishes.
Dear Gabbie, I really feel for you, my boyfriend of 4 years was found dead in his house December 1st, we felt like soulmates he was 70 and I am 66 and I never felt so happy, the first week was complete shock, couldn’t eat at all just drank gallons of tea. Like you I endlessly go round thinking what could I have done, why didn’t I notice the symptoms he said he was v I’ll and I was so worried as he lives near Durham and I am in London, to stop me worrying he said he was going to hospital, he told the neighbours he was going to London to see me, I think he knew he was seriously Ill then he stayed in his house didn’t answer the phone and was only found as his window blew open and the nieghbours got a ladder to close it and saw him. I understand so well the constant what could I have done, I think it natural after a death, endlessly rewriting history of things that if life had continued as it was you would never have questioned. Now 6 weeks later I am out of the shock and eat something every day, but life feels changed dramatically I realise I am going through a process, some days really hard, then I get some things done, I have even made a couple of meals for good friends who I can be open with, still I go over and over trying to change things, but I have to realise this was his descision to go in this way, that possibly nothing could be done in hospital and he knew and he wanted to go in his own way and talking to me would have been just painful This week I went up to his house, was painful and beautiful, every card I ever sent all around a little jewellery box he said he had got me there, so hard but bought home personal things and a couple of clothes his favourite waistcoat I want to have these things at home I need connection with him I wish I could give you a big hug, I am now aware that I will process this over time, and I just think of getting through the days and trying to keep things together but even with 6 weeks I am now eating , things are changing, sometimes I can even think how amazing we got together and had such a beautiful time before the end of his life, I now know what it feels like to be really loved by someone would I choose not to have this pain and not to have had that? Of course not please take care
Try not to feel such guilt easy to say I know as we all do…”I should have known” “I should have been a better partner” “I couldn’t get to see him” I 2 have and do feel these things remember you are in shock at present your brain is not functioning properly yet.Take one day at a time…lean on people any transferable skills people have ask them for help. I am 14months on from losing my chap of 34years in horrendous circumstances please remember you learn coping mechanisms that’s all later on …but not now .Thinking of you Deb