It’s nearly 6 months since losing my husband. He was my rock and we were hardly ever apart. I won’t ever get over losing him but have been trying to build a life without him around the grief that will never leave my heart. A few weeks ago I felt more acceptance of the situation and the tears had reduced but they have returned with a vengeance!!!
Without him I feel I have lost my identity I gave up my job to spend more time together and within 3 months he was diagnosed with terminal cancer so I became his carer. Life without him is so empty 
I don’t seem to find joy in any of the things I do and if I do smile at things I feel guilty which I know is stupid as he would not want that.
We were not lucky enough to have family so Without him or my job life is empty and I feel I’ve lost my identity and purpose as our lives were intertwined with each other. I try to connect with friends and I’ve joined groups buts it’s amazing how lonely you can feel in a crowd.
My thoughts are with all of you going through this horrendous journey 
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Catlady all of what you have said I can understand having also lost my husband 3 month ago. I totally wrapped my whole existence up with his not even realising until he died how much we both depended on each other eap after retirement . He was my husband best friend companion and we did everything together so I too understand how adrift and lost your feeling. This grief and loss is difficult to comprehend let alone know how to navigate through it. What I do realise and have been told more than once is the life we had is over ,it died the day our partners died and all we can do is grieve accept and slowly try to build a different life for ourselves. They won’t be the same lives as before but hopefully it’s possible to have some kind of a future eventually as I’m sure they would have wanted. We all just need to take whatever advise and help we can for the time being and hope for a better future one day. Try to keep as busy as possible and cry when you need to ,talk when you can and look after yourself. We are all in this together and can share our thoughts fears and worries on this platform. Best wishes for your future ,just one day at a time until the sun starts to shine again. We have to hope it eventually does .
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Hi Carole, I’m in the same situation as you. I’ve spent everyday of my adult life with my wife, we even worked a few metres apart. Every decision we made was talked about if needed, as often a glance was enough.
Now everything I have to do on my own, no smile, no love and no kiss afterwards. It’s such a world away from the beautiful life we had together.
I am also on my own, gave up working when she was given five months to live. The loneliness is the hardest thing to live with as just a little chat with someone about anything is a gift when you spends hours with only your own thoughts running around.
Anyway wishing you all the best. I hope you find some solace soon
Tom
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Catlady84
I am sorry for your loss and the emotions that you are going through.this really is a rollercoaster we are on.today has brought many tears.weekends i always find difficult like so many of us on here especiaaly sundays as that was the day my dear wife passsed here at home so suddenly.Our dear loved ones were part of us and when my dear wife passed away i feel part of me went with her.what is left is a heart tha has been torn apart.i know my life has changed forever and somehow i have to find another path to walk in this life i have now.I find my identity has gone o, i often feel like a stranger in an alien unrecognisable world.My wife and i had no children and i have very little family , only cousins.Its the emptyness we find so hard, coming back to the empty house always upsets me and i think it always will.Life i feel is empty without our dear loved ones.They were part of us and they always will be.Finding joy in doing things is so hard, thats what i find, it often feels like purpose and meaning has all dissapeared but we have to try and find some joy in our life even just a bit, to accompany our grief that we carry with us but its so hard to find that.Please try not to feel guilty about smiling, i feel that same feeling of guilt too, but we have to try and do our best to cope with this new life we have to face now.Even getting through another day without our dear loved ones is something we should be proud of because its so hard.grief has no timeline or direction, it can hit his anytime, anywhere.Just as we think we are not doing too bad it can knock us back again.Sometimes we have to be patient with ourselves.Taking things one step at a time, moment by moment.I know what you mean about feeling lonely in a crowd, i have had that feeling quite a lot.Trying to interact with our fellow human beings is so important i feel as we were meant for connection but it can be so hard.A cousin took me out for a meal before christmas which was very kind but i just felt so “Alone” even in company.it was the companionship and love of my dear wife that was missing and which i so miss every day, but that is something that will remain with us always our love for our dear loved ones and their love for us.Take care.
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Hello Catlady84. What you’ve said has do resonated. My husband died only 6 weeks ago . But like you’ve said I’ve lost who I am . Nothing feels or looks the same. Every morning I wake up and that awful sick feeling sweeps over me I’ve got to go through this again . It’s so tiring and the crying just doesn’t stop . I miss him so much it’s physical pain . I wish I could say something that would help us both and all widows/widowers but I can’t .
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Millie
My heart goes out to you we are all different on our grief journey but I so remember that empty sick feeling and physical ache I had in the first few months after losing my husband. I wouldn’t say time heals but life has started to become the new norm but I still get that sick feeling occasionally but have come to some sort of acceptance. I had too otherwise I would have gone mad. I still talk to him daily which I think friends who haven’t gone through our loss thinks a little weird. I carry my grief with me all the time. I try to do things but always feel as if part of me is missing and it always will be.
My thoughts are with you
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