My partner had been ill for a number of years more with mental health issues and pain than anything else. We coped with this together over our 15 years together. We both got Covid very early on sadly the GP refused to believe us! He said I had food poisoning and my partner well he just refused to see him. Long story short after a trip to hospital for a suspected thrombosis he was diagnosed there and then with Covid and his decline went on for two years and very rapidly in the last two months of his life. He died at the age of 54 after a month in hospital and a month in a hospice like unit. I am finding it hard to accept he has gone as he had been away from home for those two months, I thought it would make it easier however it has had the opposite effect. I still keep expecting him home. Then suddenly I realise that he won’t be back and it’s like the cycle of grief starts all over again. It’s only been two months and I have been off work for this time but I still don’t feel ready to go back. My mum said to me today the routine will help but tonight I felt so overwhelmed just at the thought of returning to work. As a teacher it is an all or nothing role. It’s like my brain just can’t function at the moment.
I am so sorry for your loss. To lose your partner like that must be awful and what’s even worse is your GP not believing you in the first place.
Did you get to see him at all in those two months?
You are still in the very early stages of grief and everything you are feeling is normal.
I lost my Dad very suddenly in January after he fell and hit his head. My world shattered and my heart smashed into a million pieces…I cried every day for weeks.
However I only ended up having 9 days off work…I am also a teacher and can honestly say it was the best thing for me to do at the time. Getting back into a routine is what I needed, seeing the boys everyday just made me forget my troubles for those few hours. Although it did hit hard on my journeys to and from work as I have to drive 2 hours each way on my own and in the evenings. I would just cry!
I also found I took everything to heart for a few weeks and cried a few times (I don’t normally at work) as it was like they had forgotten what I’d just been through but after a few weeks I got back into the swing of it again.
Now obviously everyone is different and I totally get as a teacher it is an all or nothing job and you need to be able to concentrate and focus on the job at hand but have you spoken to your school? Could you maybe dip your toes back into the classroom one or two days a week to see how you go? But if you are not ready then I totally understand, grief is horrendous and an absolute rollercoaster!
Keep reaching out and message me if I can help in anyway!
Take care of yourself,
Hi @PaulaJM, I’m so sorry for you loss, it’s very early on your grief journey don’t expect to much of yourself this early on.
I too work in a school but on the support staff in a secondary school. I was off work for 8 weeks, but I work in an reprographics on my own so could slightly hid away from other staff and students, so if I broke down and cried it didn’t matter. I can understand how you feel about returning to work Infront of a classroom of students, there is no place to hid it’s full on.
School have been very supportive to me, even 15 months later when I m going through a difficult patch since the twelve month anniversary.
My school has a Employee Assistance Programme, when you can get councilling, is there anything similar at your school. As @RR2 said you could always try a phased return .
Just be kind to yourself and only go back when you think are ready. Your mum is right as much as I struggle with work it does give purpose to your day.
Sending love to you both.
I just had to write because your message to Paula was so thoughtful.
I’m so sorry you lost your father recently, such a huge loss. We all cope differently but your offer of friendship and support must have meant a great deal to her. Thank you.
Thoughts and a hug to you both.
Thank you for your comment and thoughts.
It was the least I could do. We all need to stick together in this community and help out wherever possible.
I have really struggled these past few months and if I can help in offering some kind words and ideas to help people through the worst times of their life then I will!
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.
I got to see Andy for an hour a day when he was hospital but this was a 6 hour round trip for me as a non driver but worth every minute.
The unit he went to at the end were amazing and let me stay with him. They even gave me my own room with its own shower room sitting/dining/kitchenette area. So myself and the family had some where to sit quietly if we needed time out.
They were a huge support and explained everything as we went along. Andy said he didn’t want to know how long he had left but he said one day “I’m not going home am I” that was a huge day for us both.
Thank you for your support. I will give work some more thought. One colleague has been really supportive and I see her most weeks that helps me with how I am feeling about work.
Thanks for reaching out I’m glad you have been able to manage work with the support of what seems an excellent program.
I am not aware of such a program, when I was off when Andy and I both had COVID I just had someone that was a health coach trying to encourage me to eat healthier and exercise more. It really wasn’t the right time for that input. It was as much as I could do to get out of bed to look after my family let alone anything else.
I am currently on the waiting list with CRUSE after my initial assessment and they were excellent so hope the wait won’t be too long.
Next time my manager contacts me I will ask if the service has improved.
We do have a bereavement counselling service and other forms of help on here, but if you are just fed and want to speak with someone the Samaritans - phone number 116123 are always available.
Thinking of you,
Hi Paula, im sorry for your loss, and i know how hard it is to move on with everyday life, it was the same for me as i suspect it will be for most, i could not understand how the world was even still spinning after my wife passed, but what i did find helped was talking about how i felt to close friends, tears and all and accepting their help and support, as its the last thing most of us want at that point, try and find things to keep you occupied especially in the evenings, everyone grieves at their own pace so take it slow and you will find your own way of working through it, its a tough one going back to work and facing people and life, but trust me it helps, yes you will have momments and days where it is overwhelming, but people will show you love and compasion and support, try to trust in that you will manage, its building up to take the first step to go back, i hope that you find it possible soon, be kind to yourself and take care…!
Thanks for reaching out. I have a lot to consider over the next week as I am due back in a week and a half.
I think I will try and speak to CRUSE again and possibly my GP before contacting work.
I know routine can help I am just not sure I am ready to paint a smile on My face. Maybe they would allow me some admin time
Bless you, you dont have to paint on a smile, all you need to do is take it at your own pace, do everything you need to do for you, just be gentle and kind to yourself, you will find a way through trust me, i have been there, its not easy, but time helps ease the pain but not the love, that just grows, reach out if you ever need to talk it helps…!!