Lost mum on the 16th September 2020

Lost my mum suddenly not even two weeks ago, we were very close. Took her to A&E on the Thursday as she felt unwell, was told she had terminal cancer on the Friday and that she had months at best or weeks at worse left however she died 5 days later. I was there, I’ve cried but am absolutely numb now. I can’t accept she not still at home and I’m just not crying, I feel like I should be weeping and wailing, has anyone else had this? I’m an only child and I’ve had to do everything thing by myself, Re funeral and letting relevant people know.

Hi nony
I’m sorry to hear about your mum. My mum went into hospital for a day operation. I took a week off work to look after her for when I collected her the following day.
Instead i got a phone call telling me my mum had suffered a severe bleed on the brain in the recovery room. She died a few hours later.
This was 15 months ago and i am nowhere near ‘over’ it. My life has changed dramatically.
I just take each day as it comes, dont make any plans and let my emotions happen. If I want to cry, I cry.
At the moment I’m going through a numb phase where I feel very little. Like it’s all been a dream.
Cheryl x


My own mum passed away if the same thing. The suddenness is shocking this along with the loss is totally heartbreaking. Mum felt unwell when cleaning the house on Monday afternoon lost her life on Tuesday I am know as being so strong no one knows how I feel

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Hey Nony, so sorry to hear about your sudden loss. I too lost my Dad very unexpectedly in May. Grief can be quite a scary time. What I’ve found is to not beat yourself up when you’re feeling ok or not feeling anything at all. Take those moments as they are. Xx

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Dear C1971, bless you. Yes it’s utterly like a very bad dream, I can’t believe it. My darling mum is gone, she’s at the undertakers in my town and it doesn’t seem real. I’m trying to be strong, taking care of my mums older sister (who’s 85) and being a mum to my 10 year old and a partner to my other half. I met with a friend today who’s burying her mum on Thursday and she’s a wreak. What’s up with me? I’m so sorry you lost your mum so suddenly too, how absolutely horrid for you. Yes it literally is one day at a time, I can’t even think about the funeral next week. Take care of you xx

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Dear Quinnk, I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s so quick too, be kind to yourself. I don’t know where we get the strength from sometimes, it’s just the case of having to. I’m so pleased I found this site, I can be honest and open up and not feel so alone even when surrounded by people. Take care x

Dear Steph421, I’m so sorry for your loss of your dad. I know there’s no right or wrong way of dealing with grief but I’m still in utter shock I suppose. I still imagine she’s at home asleep, still there. Thank you for answering, take care of you xx

You will get through it. Somehow we find the strength. My mums siblings are all much older than her and going strong in their mid 80s.
My mum was only 74 and I do feel cheated.
Anyway, just to let you know you arent alone. Post and let us know how you get on x

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I’m so sorry to hear if your loss. Parents are supposed to live forever! So when parents pass away it is a total shock. The one constant in our lives has gone. I lost my mum in October 2019 very suddenly of heart disease, never expected that to happen, one day I was talking to her the next she was gone. I have good days when I can accept it and bad days when I can’t. The grieving process is a normal part of it, how long it takes and the stages differ from person to person. People say it gets easier with time, will have to wait and see about that one. The first year is getting through the very first anniversaries birthday and Christmas etc. But please make sure you have a support network, people who understand if you just burst into tears for no reason. It’s bloody hard but try to remember if your mum was suffering she is now free of that. Talk to her and write her letters believe me that helps. All the best xx

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If it makes you feel any better, in my eyes, nothing felt worse than the initial shock. I certainly have my moments but to me, the initial shock and finding out was definitely the worst. I did have a particularly bad week recently, and even though I did feel awful, at least I felt something, yknow? It’s ok not to feel ok, it’s ok to feel nothing and it’s ok to feel good. Xx


I’m so sorry for your sudden loss. The shock is overwhelming. I lost my mum very suddenly to a pulmonary embolism in Feb, she was 64 but only looked 50 at the most. The day before she came down to see me and the kids. She looked amazing and had all new clothes after losing weight on slimming world.
My step dad said she was fine when she woke up. I got to the house when they were trying to resuscitate her. My step dad carried the still warm cup of tea down the stairs after they stopped.:cold_sweat:
I still wake up and have to remind myself she is gone. I can’t believe that I will never speak to her again or see her beautiful smile. I cry constantly at a smell, sound or anything else that reminds me of my wonderful mum and best friend xxx

Hi Lisa, you are so right when you say the shock is overwhelming. Like your mum, my husband was 64 when he died very suddenly, a year ago, while out with our younger son.
He had not been unwell and his death plunged us into a grief we could never have imagined. Both my sons have been my lifeline but the effect on them of losing their wonderful dad has been so painful to witness.
They are fortunate to have jobs on which to focus and life on a day to day basis continues but the trauma of losing their dad has changed them irrevocably. We have so many happy times as a family to be grateful for but we hoped for so many more. My elder son got married this August. He was dissuaded from postponing it as no matter when or how it took place, his dad would never be there. He was of course with us every step of the way but the photos are a poignant reminder of what we have lost.
Your description of your stepdad carrying the still warm cup of tea downstairs is heartbreaking in its simplicity. A reminder of how life changes in an instant. It resonates with all of us who have lost someone suddenly and struggle with the disorientating loss.
I am so sorry you lost your lovely mum so suddenly. I found it impossible to explain what sudden loss does to the mind to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. On this site we don’t need to explain. I hope you gain some comfort from posting. Take care.

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How are you Cheryl? X

How are you Quinnk? X

Hi Nony

Thankyou for asking. I’m no better. I just plod sadly through life to be honest. I work full time and bring up my daughter, run the home and love my partner.

But there is always sadness and a feeling of being cheated. Its 6 weeks until the 2nd anniversary and I simply can’t believe that I live my life without her.

How are you? X

Struggling at times, feels like it’s getting worse rather than better. Had a meal out for the first time in our local eatery didn’t think before I booked it but was where we had the wake. In the corner was our usual table were I sat with mum x