Lost my beautiful Mum

Hello everyone,
My name is Sarah and lost my Mum on 16th May 2023. She was a very young, fit and active 74 year old. She started struggling with her walking and kept falling. Last August 2022. Her GP said he thought it was compression of the neck and spine. She was reffered to walton neuro. While waiting for the appointment she became completely unable to walk. Dad took care of her at home with my help. Still waiting for her appointment in april she started to lose her ability to speak. We took her to the GP. He sent her straight to hospital. With all tests done my Mum was diagnosed with motor neurone disease we were told it was very rapid and she was given 2-3 weeks to live. She died 3 weeks to that day. What i am struggling with more than anything was my mum knew she was going to die as the doctors insisted we tell her which i sort of understand but we were then left unable to know how mum felt. She could not speak at all. It was heartbreaking, confusing, sad, and terrifying. Mum passed peacefully but i feel we never got to say goodbye properly. Those awful last 3 weeks is haunting me. Sorry for the long post. Xxx

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Hi, sorry for the devastating loss of your Mum. I completely understand why you’re agonising about your Mum’s last weeks. It must have been awful. You are still processing the terrible trauma of your Mum’s illness and her death. Grief brings every emotion to the table and we’ve all tormented ourselves over the details of our loved ones passing. My Mum died in January, suddenly and unexpectedly so I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. I still agonise about the details of her final weeks when I had no idea of what was to come. Be kind to yourself and accept that you can’t change the past. Take each day and all the emotions as they come. Sending best wishes xx

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Thank you so much for your lovely reply. Im so sorry about the loss of your mum also. :two_hearts:

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Hi,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum, that sounds horrendous and so very quick, it is an awful lot for you to process, given that your mum was fit and healthy prior to this and how rapidly her terrible illness progressed,

We all beat ourselves up about what we should or shouldn’t have done, but we do the very best we can at the time with the cards we are dealt and that is all we can do unfortunately. I lost my mum at the end of March following a very late cancer diagnosis and she passed only 25 days later. I cared for her at home during that time so, technically, I had plenty of time to say goodbye. However, a lot of this time was spent organising meds and provisions for my mum and she was also asleep for a lot of that time. Ever since, I have tormented myself with the things I should have said or done and questioned what I could have done better.

I totally understand why you are traumatised by your mum’s last three weeks as I feel exactly the same. I didn’t want my mum to know that she was dying either, but the doctors were very eager to deliver the bad news to her and pack her off home. We have to take comfort in the fact that we did all we could at the time and that our mums knew we loved them very much. I think the death of our mums would be traumatic whatever the circumstances and we had absolutely no control over what happened.

Your mum would not want you feel any guilt whatsoever over what happened to her and she would have known you were there with her, even if she was unable to speak.

Sending you love x

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Thankyou for your lovely reply. Im so sorry for your loss also. Its so very hard. Sending love.xxx

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Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss of your Mum. We all beat ourselves up on what we should have, could have done or said, but we all did our best at the time.
I lost my Mum 10 & half months ago & it still feels like yesterday.
She lived in a nursing home for three years, had a fall, became unwell, hallucinating, so i was the one who got her to go to hospital as she was refusing. She was in hospital for just over a week, had pneumonia, COPD & passed away. I feel so guilty sending her to hospital, but she was not well at all.
Also, she lived in Ireland, I am in London. The guilt eats away at me every minute of the day.
I have also lost 6 people over the last 3 years who were very dear to me, so it’s been tough.
Sorry for long text. X

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Im so sorry about your losses, its just so hard. Please dont beat yourself up, i know its difficult not too. Im sure your mum and mine know we did what we could and love them beyond measure. Take some comfort from that if you can. :sparkles: :two_hearts:

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Thank you for your support. I’m sure they both did & we sure do love them more than words can say. I can take some comfort, hope you can too.

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