Lost my boyfriend / best friend.

So if you asked me what life was like 4 months ago I would of said everything was perfect.

I’m 23 and I have a job I don’t mind, was learning how to drive, and have the most perfect boyfriend who I could happily call my best friend too. We have been dating for 4 years and things were slowly falling into place. We were planning to move out by next year and we’ve also talked about the future together.

On the 4th of May I received the worst news I could hear. My boyfriend passed away. He went to Germany for a business trip only for a day and it was an accident. We still don’t know what happened and we probably will never know. It was a series of events what lead to his death but we don’t know why.

I am finding it very hard to come to turns with it. More than over 3 months I have found it so hard. I have been the lowest of low, have had thoughts in my head that people would not want to think. It still feels like a dream. I feel so lonely. As he was my best friend aswell as my boyfriend I feel so lost. We talked everyday without fail and made each other so happy. I miss him so much.

I have been blessed that I am so close to his family. His friends have been lovely too. I’m normally called “one of the lads” and I call all of his friends my best friends. If it wasn’t for my family, my boyfriend’s family and friends I would not be here. I owe them my life.

I’ve noticed online there isn’t a lot of help with young adults loosing their partners. I was not married or engaged and we did not live together. However we were so close and I don’t think it matters that I wasn’t married. I imagine I still feel the same with someone loosing their husband, wife ect.

I am trying counselling however I have always not been keen on it. My counsellor has cancelled on me twice already so I’ve only had one session. And it makes me not to go.

Laura
X

Hi Laura,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that your boyfriend passed away at such a young age. Three months is hardly any time to come to terms with something like that and it’s understandable that you miss him very much.

It sounds as though you’re feeling very alone at the moment. I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as many of our users find that it helps to get support from others who are grieving. As you say, even if people are older than you, and were married, many of the emotions will be the same. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may be interested to have a read of this conversation between Jazcat23 and Katie_and_Bear, who both lost their boyfriends in their 20s: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-boyfriend-heart-attack

Their posts are from a few months ago, but if you do post a reply to them, they should get an email notification.

Sorry to hear that you haven’t had much luck with the counsellor so far - I can see that the cancelled sessions would put you off. Sometimes it can be a matter of finding the right counsellor that you click with, so that is something to consider if it doesn’t feel right after a couple more sessions.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the online community, just let me know.

Priscilla
Community Manager

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Oh Laura, I am so very sorry for you. What you are going through is a nightmare. Like you say, when you love someone it doesn’t matter how long you have been together it is still heartbreaking because you have lost the future you thought you would have had with that person. Also not knowing the full details of what happened must be soul destroying because you cannot have peace of mind. To lose someone when you are starting out on your journey together is not something I know about as my husband and I were together for 50 years so we had had a wonderful life together when he died but you never got that chance and I feel so terribly sad for you. All you can do is take each day as it comes and let yours and his family support you and you support them because you are all hurting so badly you all need each other. Love Sheila x

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Hey Shelia,
Thank you for the lovely message. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband.
It still feels very unreal. I sometimes still have the moments where you wake up and you remember all over again. I hope you have all the support with your family
Love Laura x

Thank you too Laura for your kind message. It is wonderful that even when people are going through the darkest days of their lives they find the time to try and console others going through a similar thing. In cases such as yours, to lose someone so very young puts things into perspective for someone like me in her seventies, who was very lucky to have had many, many years with the one I loved because we had the chance to build memories over the years we were together. I am so very sorry. Love Sheilax

Hi Laura
It really does not matter on here whether you were married living together or had known each other for a short time everybody on here understands the loss you feel. It is like something you cant describe the pain the sadness that you feel when you have lost someone you loved.
My partner julie died on 30th june and since then my life has just been turned upside down.
There are no magic answers i have been on tablets to help me sleep on anti depressants and will try anything. I was referred for counselling they told me they did not offer service to some one grieving within 3 months. I am going to a bereavement group on friday and hoping this helps as listening to posts on here have and realise you are not on your own which can sometimes help.
Take care
Carol x

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Oh Laura, my heart goes out to you. The death of someone you love, whatever age, and whatever the circumstance is so very hard. CRUSE (bereavement service) does have a young adults section, called Hope Again I think, so they might be worth a ring and you would be able to talk to someone of your own age who may have gone through the same experience. Bereavement does not have a timescale Laura and every single person is different and everyone has different ways of coping and adapting to their new unwanted circumstance. I am doing all I can for you by just sending you a hug.

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Hi Jeannie,

Thank you so much! I will definitely check them out! I think it will be good to chat to people who feel the same but also it would be good to chat to people who are the same age as me too. I will see if I get somewhere with them!

Hugs to you too.

Love Laura x

Hi so sorry for your loss my partner passed in March suddenly aged 42 we were together 20 years
We were not married we always said we were happy as we was dont need a piece of paper to prove that
We have no kids either
So its just me now
Gosh I miss him so much

Hello,

I’m sorry for your loss. And it’s good that you were in love that you didn’t need a piece of proving it. I hope you are being strong, and I know how you feel, once you’re in love it’s hard to believe you won’t see them again and miss them terribly.

Love Laura xx

Laura,

I’m so sorry for your loss. You are such a strong person for keeping going without all the answers that you desire.

I recently lost someone who was my best friend. We dated back years ago, then grew apart as life sometimes takes you down different paths! But last year we reconnected again just like nothing has ever changed. 2 months later he died in a car crash. I couldn’t face his funeral it scares me too much, to think we lost all that time together that was precious to us. Without either of us really knowing it.

Xx