Lost my dad 4 weeks ago to kidney cancer

Hi, I lost my lovely dad and I feel like no time has passed in the last 4 weeks. I feel like I’m wading through water trying to keep my head above. I miss him so much. I’m so worried about my mum. I spend a lot of time with her but I have a family who need me too. Mum and dad did everything together. How can I help her? I love her so much and seeing her so sad breaks my heart.

Hi Roseybloom,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your lovely dad. It is very early days for you and things are bound to be overwhelming. Now is a time to take things day by day and allow yourself to grieve in whatever way feels right for you.

It sounds as though you are close to your mum and it’s understandable that you are worried about her. You can’t take away her sadness, you can only be there for her and give her the chance to talk about your dad and how she is feeling.

It’s good that you spend a lot of time with her. As you say, it is important for you to have time for yourself and your own family too, so don’t feel bad about doing that. Checking in with your mum by phone or text message can also help. Cruse Bereavement have some information on supporting someone who has been bereaved, which you might find helpful: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief/how-to-help-someone-bereaved

Do you have supportive people that you can talk to as well, such as a partner, friends or other family members?

Hi there, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my stepdad in March. I’ve been supporting my mum too. It’s hard isn’t it? I only work part time so go spend time with my mum on my days off and after work. You don’t realise how emotionally draining it is trying to be strong for them but also dealing with your own grief too. I have a partner and a dog. He’s been supportive but we’ve only been together 2.5yrs so he doesn’t have the connection. They were together 25 yrs. mum became his carer for the last 3 yrs so is struggling with what to do with herself. I’m proud of her as she’s made herself go out with her best mate, even if she didn’t really want to. A lady at Cruze said just deal with one day at a time. Don’t worry about next week, don’t worry about stuff in the future as it hasn’t happened, just concentrate on today. Sending hugs.

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