I lost my dad on 5th Jan after a sudden and very short Illness. I still feel so numb. I’ve hardly cried but feel like it’s all building up inside me. I’m supporting my mum and my sister who break down and cry all the time but I just can’t seem to cry. I feel that if I start I won’t stop so I just can’t start. I’m sleeping really badly and still going to work in about 4 hours sleep a night. I’m so tired and so sad.
Hi BeckyG1
I am so sorry about your dad. I can relate exactly to what you are saying. i lost my dad 4 years ago and broke down in tears all the time for quite a while. However i recently lost my best friend and, although i have had some days where i have cried my heart out, there are other days, like now, when i feel completely numb - deeply sad, but numb. My two experiences of loss show me that my body has just reacted in very different ways and i have no control over that so i just have to go with it. Neither way is right or wrong. One way is no easier than the other. It’s just a reaction and all part of the grieving process. It’s taken me a while to realise this as i have questionned myself all the time and i now wonder why iam not crying today for my friend. The tears may come later - they may not. It’s a strange process and hits people in different ways. What we shouldnt do is compare ourselves to others. Iam not very good at taking my own advice on this. I see other people who were very close to my best friend and they appear(on the surface) to be coping alot better than me. We should just look after ourselves and accept our own individual reaction to the loss. Easier said than done sometimes, i know.
Just take good care of yourself. You are putting yourself under alot of pressure to go to work when you are getting so little sleep. Be kind to yourself.
Hi CM
Thank you for your reply. It really helps to know that people all cope differently. I’m sorry you have lost your dad and your best friend. Make sure that you look after yourself too.