Lost my Dad in Feb

Hi all, first post here.
I lost my dad in February after a short battle with cancer. It all went so fast and I’m still processing things. I don’t really know what to do with myself.
I miss him so much. I was there when he passed, as was pretty much the whole family, and I can’t stop replaying it all in my head. I won’t go into details as it wasn’t pleasant.
Everything I see reminds me of him, and reminds me of the fact that he isn’t here anymore. I hate feeling like this, and I hate seeing my siblings and my mum upset as well, but I feel so helpless. I want to help them, but realistically I know that there is nothing I can do or say to make it better.
There are times when I start to feel better, like back to “normal”, but then there’ll be something that makes me think of him and it all comes crashing over me again. I also feel guilty for feeling so sad whenever I think of him, cause I know that he’d feel awful for it, he’d want me to remember the good times - of which there are many to choose from - but it’s so hard to think of the positive at the moment.
I just feel lost and I don’t know what to do with myself.

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You are not alone. My Mum died in April from cancer. It was also very sudden. We had also been trying to cope with her dementia which had been diagnosed in the New Year. I am constantly tired and finding it hard to get her last moments out of my head. Have you thought abut counselling? I’ve had some and it definitely helps. Take care and be gentle with yourself. One thing I was told which really helped was that there is no timetable for grief. It’s very up and down. One day might be ok and the next you feel like you’re back to square one. I’ve also been keeping a diary which helps too.

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Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that.
I did have some counselling for an unrelated issue, but those sessions finished in June. I have been debating getting some more but I just don’t have any energy at this moment in time. I probably should though.
The diary is a good shout, I did start doing one when my dad first got sick, but it’s another thing I’ve let slip since.
Thank you again. I hope life is kinder to you soon

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Hey BlueBear, I’m sorry you’re going through this too. Your experience sounds so similar to mine with my dad, and at roughly the same time. I’m finding it very tough at times - some days are OK and I’m back in something like my old routine, but there’s always something waiting to trip me up - a favourite movie on TV that we watched together, a place we went, a song he loved, a news story that I know he’d have a lot to say about. At times the tears are still uncontrollable. We were such a happy team as a family, and now there’s a huge gap, and everyone is trying to manage their sadness. I think there’s no point hoping things will get back to normal, we just have to adjust to this new normal and try to make the best of it. Try not to feel guilty for being sad, it’s still very early days and your dad would totally understand your pain. But what I tell myself is that he’d want me to keep going, to try to make the best of this life he gave me, and eventually to remember him with a smile. That still feels a long way off, but I’ll try. You’ll find lots of help here too whenever you need it. Jack x

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Hi Jack, thank you for sharing your experience. At the current moment I can’t imagine a “normal”, it’s just a case of trying to take each day as it comes and hope for the best.
The random memories trip me up too. The other day I cried at a pie shop :sweat_smile: my dad loved pies.
Even something so simple as using past tense when I talk about him makes my stomach drop.
I hope time goes well for you, thank you again for your reply

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@fionas this was supposed to be a reply to you, apologies I put it in the wrong place.

@BlueBear Your experience sounds similar to mine. I even have the moments where something reminds me of my Dad. I started welling up in Neros last week because he loved his coffee. The end of his life didn’t befit the man he was & it’s upsetting that that’s what I remember. X

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