Lost my dad last week

It’ll be 3 weeks on Wednesday since my dad died, I’m coping better but still crying a lot. My hubby says ‘you can’t mourn forever’ but I fear that I will. Wednesday is the funeral, over 300 people are coming. Dad was a big part of the local community and ran many youth groups. Now I am back at work and life is back to normal I feel as though he didn’t die. Then I remember he did and I start to cry. Is this normal? I feel as though I am losing my mind to grief.

Hi Mellymo
3 weeks isnt long at all. Im 6 weeks in and Im still crying everyday. Im a pretty strong woman in a tough job but just now I feel weak and pretty ill. I keep telling myself to get a grip but I realised today it will take as long as it takes. Ive had good days when I think “yeah its gettibg better” then a memory will be triggered by a place, a song or something someone says and off I go again. Im now feeling serious physical symptoms of stress purely because ive tried to hold it all in but im not going to do that anymore. You cry when you need to honey. I was strong at Dads funeral cause I know he would want me to he happy but equally he will want me to let it all out and you should too. No one no matter how close or well intentionedcthey may ve xan tell you how long to grieve. Thats up to you. Be strong xxx

I am also suffering from stress, I am constantly unwell with a nervous stomach, I can’t eat and sleep with sleeping tablets. I have a holiday booked next Friday and I am worried about how I’ll cope.

Hi Mellymo
It might just be what you need. Get away from everything and just relax and enjoy the time away. Use it to reflect on your memories and Im sure you will be fine

A x

I survived the funeral, wanted to jump in the grave with my dad but didn’t. If I can live through today it’s a start. Over 200 people were there. It was amazing the out pouring of love for him.

Youve gotten over the hardest bit. My Dad was cremated and we still have to scatter his ashes. It turns out he wants to go ro my favourite place on earth. I had no idea it was his and he had no idea it was mine. You can start to think about the good times now that the tough bit is over. He must have been well liked with all those people there so just remember that.
A x

My friend who also lost his dad messaged me this. It’s made me re think things and now I know in time I’ll be ok: ‘Ah, Mel one thing to keep at the front of your mind is that your relationship with your dad won’t disappear, it will just change. He’ll still be there. Even now, I still occasionally think, Oh I’ll have to tell my dad that, before I remember - that’s how present he still is.’
My dad is still with me. Always and forever.

And its true x

I’ve been out and bought a diary to write to my dad every day to tell him what we’ve been up to. I want him to still be a big part of our lives. When I’m ready we will get some photos printed and up on the wall. I miss him so much.

Now I keep forgetting my dad died and mentioning him as if he was here. Is this normal?

I do too then have to keep reminding myself he is gone. I suppose everyone goes through that after a loss like that x

I do too then have to keep reminding myself he is gone. I suppose everyone goes through that after a loss like that x

The constant nervous feeling has gone, no
Longer do I feel physically unwell, today I cried for about four hours, thing is crying won’t bring him back. So why do I do it? It’s too hot to cry as well. I go on holiday on Friday, I am dreading it as I’ll be around people all day every day. At the moment I work from home so do my crying when the kids are at school. Tonight a bird sat next to
Me in the garden and didn’t move for a few minutes. I started asking it if it was my dad. The neighbours must think I’m a fruit loop! This grieving has broken me :frowning:

If you want to think of him as that little bird then do it. Ive had a few things go in my favour recently and I believe its my Dads way of saying “chin up kiddo its all gonna be fine!” I havent cried fir about a week now other than the floods of tears for Eastenders or Corrie or something daft like that but when I think of my Dad now its full of fun and laughter and I dont think of him lying in the funeral home. That was the hardest memory to shift but its not all I see now which is a breakthrough. You got through the funeral and you will the holiday too. Join in with the fun, think of your Dad looking down on you. He wouldnt want you to be sad and missing out. I never thought I would ever get iver this and you wont either but it does get better. Get packing your bikini and you flip flops. Toast your Dad each night in your head no one else needs to know. Go on I dare you to enjoy this holiday!

A xx

Thank you Angela, I will try and enjoy it, it’s only a week in a caravan in Norfolk. Last year we went to Devon with my dad. We had a great time. Tomorrow is 22 July, dad died 22 June. I’ve got through a month without him. Didn’t think I would last that long but i did. Dad was a Christian and believed in life after death. I like to think he is watching over me. I still write to him every day with out news. That helps.

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My dad died in March and I am still struggling, I have good days and bad days, but just lately I am finding it hard to tolerate anything, my husband and I keep arguing and my mum is very reliant on me, help pls

Dont give up hope! My patience is being testing severely at the moment with things i know ordinarily wouldnt bother me. I guess its just how things are at the moment. I have a lot of times where I think “people just please leave me alone” but the reality is the world keeps turning, we still had work to attend to, families who depend on us to look after. All of thst makes me angry cause I want to shout “hey you know what i dont care what you want or what you need…i want my Dad and I cant have him so why should you!” maybe thats the angry phase of the grieving process…I dont know but hang in there…talk about it x

Juemack, I went through an angry stage. I was angry with the hospital for not spotting that my dad was so ill. Angry with other people who put on him and asked him to do things for them. I think there are many stages to grieving.

I went on holiday and was determined not to spoil it for my girls. I acted ok the whole week and cried in the shower. Felt terrible and missed my dad a lot as we went on holiday with him last year. Not sure where I go from here. Every day is a struggle to get through at the moment. The only thing I find is to keep busy. It makes the day go quicker.

ThankyOU, that has helped, I thought I was just being a nasty bitch and it’s not like me xx

I did the same, I often cry in the bath, trying to be strong for my children. Thank you for your support, I defiantly helps, you take care xxx