Lost my dad last week

Lost my dad last week. Loved him so much. Never felt so much pain in my gut! The reality has just started to kick in, as his funeral is this Friday! Im not sure how im going to be. The slightest thing starts me off, with emotions. I cant believe he is gone, and i wont see him again. Its a horrible feeling. One day im ok, the next day, so very down.

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@Jenna50 Sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad almost 10 months ago & those early days are particularly difficult, both pre & post funeral, as you process your loss & this new normal. Don’t worry about how you’ll be on the funeral day itself, I sobbed throughout Dad’s, as did the rest of my family. It’ll go quicker than you think. Losing someone is horrible & there’s really no pain like it. I think that’s why it’s called grief as it’s the only word that adequately describes this all encompassing trauma. I wish I had some special words or advice I could give you as you move forward, but honestly, I have none. I take things moment by moment & try not to look too far ahead. Even now grief can catch me off guard.

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Thankyou so much for your kind words and support. Loosing my dad is so painful, i feel empty and alone, even though i have a supportive family and friends, i feel so different inside X

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Hey there, I know how you’re feeling. I lost my dad close to a year ago now. This past year has been a blur. The best way I’ve been able to put it is that in between the crashing waves of sorrow and despair you’ll find tiny pockets of grace, little moments where you can finally breathe again and feel closer to “okay”. Where you can start to say “he’s gone” without completely crumbling inside and out. Those grace periods will grow longer over time.

What’s helped me along the way has been to invite his presence into my day when I’m missing him. I started a journal where I write to him at times we would normally have scheduled a phone call or when I just want to update him on what’s going on in my life. I also put together a playlist of songs that remind me of him. Try to do things like that and see that they are still with you just no longer physically. And always look for signs and omens that suggest their presence. They will show at unexpected times and places, sometimes triggering a breakdown, other times bringing feelings of comfort and love.

Most important is to be patient with your process and lower your expectations of how you should be feeling or what you should be capable of. It’s going to be less than your norm, almost like when you’re sick. You’ll need more rest and time to just be. You’ll be more exhausted because you’re carrying a whole new weight and feeling this gaping hole in your life that’s going to take time to fill. But I promise it will slowly refill in unexpected ways. Try to think about the type of advice he would give you now and practice hearing his voice and his wisdom THROUGH you. And make sure to spend lots of time with other family and friends to remind yourself that you are still surrounded with love and support.

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Thankyou so very much, that was lovely to read X

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Alanada, if I could double triple quadruple like your post then I would. They are incredibly comforting, helpful and understanding words.

I absolutely agree with your assertion that our loved ones are still with us. My wonderful amazing daddikins knew that, if things worked out as nature intended, I would outlive him. That’s life. Eventually, I would be facing this reality. Tragically and regrettably, it came 20+ years too early. But my dad did everything in his power to look after us and to make sure that he didn’t get sick (he was let down by primary care).

And so I know that his whole goal and focus in his life was for us to be happy, healthy and protected. He was my biggest supporter. It’s up to me, now, to exercise his undying love for me, and make sure that I and the rest of our family are OK.

My dad is still with me, forever and always. Death cannot break us apart. :broken_heart:

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I’m so sorry for you loss. I too have lost my dad and the first week is a blur. It’s a shock to your whole system and it feels like a physical pain. The rollercoaster of emotions is normal, I still have it and I’m still in disbelief, some weeks further on. Don’t worry about the funeral, if you cry, that’s understandable to all who attend. Try to take one day at a time, one minute even if it’s too much. :heart:

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@Alanadafauna

What a lovely post, its coming up to a year since I lost my Dad aswell and everything you have written here has been so true for me also. The journaling has really helped me.

Take Care

Vicky x

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Love your words @Alanadafauna it captures it so well. That process of trying to find that connection with your loved one outside of the physical one we are so obviously missing. I am writing to Mum every morning and talking to her, and i can often hear what she’d say back to me, but its so hard not to crave that physical presence. I worry that even after 9 weeks my memory is becoming blurry and that she will slowly slip away from me. There seems so many years stretching ahead without them here.

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