Lost my dad to cancer

My dad died in January 1st this year. He had been living with cancer for 5 years and was told the Wednesday before he died on the Saturday that he had months left to live . I found this utterly devastating - I couldn’t speak to him when he FaceTimed me to tell me- I felt so upset for him a the all the things he was going to miss; I didn’t go round to see him like my sister did because I didn’t want to just sit and cry when that’s not what he needed.

On the Friday I went round for New Year’s Eve but he stayed in bed as didn’t feel well and I didn’t go up and see him because I didn’t want to disturbs him. At 5:15am Saturday my mum rang to say he was dead - I went round (I live on the next street) and saw him.

I am struggling so much with it - I just feel so bad that I didn’t go and see him when I had the chance; I didn’t go and say goodbye, I didn’t tell him how much I loved him.

All I think about is seeing him dead; I think of all the times I said or did things I now regret and I can’t ever take back. I think of all the things he’s missing whenever I do anything or go anywhere and it makes me so sad he’s missing it all.

I miss him so much. I talked to him and messaged him all the time - we had so much in common; we shared jokes and interests that I don’t have with anyone else and I just want him back.

I’ve took 2 weeks off work but felt guilty being off so went back but it seems everyone just thinks I’ve moved on and am over it but it’s a struggle to get through the day: I cry all the way there and then spend all night with these feelings.



I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in December to cancer she only got diagnosed in the March so it all happened very quickly for me.

I think your dad knew you loved him. Like me and others on here we also have regret when our loved ones pass away. I was with my mum till the end but at one point I fell asleep I so wish I hadn’t.

I miss my mum every second of every day. I keep waiting for her walk into the room or moan at me about somethink. Like me it’s still very early days for us both.

I go back to work on Friday I’ve been off nearly 3 months I’m dreading it as like you I feel like for 6 hours I got to paint a smile on my face and make out I’m okay when really I’m anythink but.


Thank you for that, Lou :heart:

I’m so sorry for your loss too - it’s such an utterly devastating thing to deal with and so many different feelings from one minute to the next.

I hope that your return to work goes well. I know what you mean about painting on a smile and just getting through it. I think that’s what is hard at the moment for me. Work is a great distraction as it’s so full on but before and after I’m in pieces but don’t fell like there is anyone I can show this to. I would say though that if you feel it’s too soon/ too much once you’re there then that’s normal and to make time for yourself - I suffered anxiety attacks just walking in and I’ve never had them in my life so took the first couple of days just being at work not doing much.

Take care x

1 Like

Guilt for whatever reason is part of grief … but unless you were a bad child, it rarely is appropriate … it means what we have no more chances to go back and do or fix something.

that is all that it means … that I can see.