Lost my dad.

My dear dad died just before Christmas. He was 85 years old and had had prostate cancer for about eight years which he had treatment for and did well.
About 2 years ago he had increasing memory problems and was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer’s dementia. It’s thought it was the Lewy body type.
My father lived in sheltered accommodation but was independent until 18 months ago.
Lockdown kept us apart a lot in the last year of dad’s life which was very difficult for us both. We were always close.
My dad was skeletal in the last few months, had regular falls and the worst part was in the last few months. He became angry, often didn’t know me and at times I was advised to leave his flat because he would be so agitated and angry. He accused me of bizarre and untrue things and would say he didn’t want me there. He berated me for going out with men and behaving badly.
I’ve been married 42 years and never done anything like that. It made me wonder if he thought I was my mum and perhaps they had problems in their marriage I never knew about.
He trusted me completely and I had power of attorney for everything for several years helping him with bills etc.
Towards the end he started accusing me of taking money from him which was heartbreaking for me.
I know my dad’s gone and I wouldn’t wish him back to suffer like that it would be cruel.
So on the night he passed I was with him holding his hand and felt a great sense of relief when he passed.
I am mostly doing quite well day to day.
I do find that thoughts of the nasty things do come back to me and it upsets me as much as when it happened.
I never imagined my dad’s life would end like that.
I fear he was angry with me though I can’t think why he would be really.
I am wondering about seeing a good medium to try and get some assurance that he’s not angry and that he is no longer suffering.
I miss him such a lot and his loss has led to me grieving more for my mum now too. After she died dad was my priority and grief for mum was delayed.
Sometimes I just feel confused about my feelings.
Dementia is such a terrible disease and the emotional pain it causes is immense.
Thank you for your thoughts

1 Like

Reuben, pleased you have posted because there are many on this site that have the same kind of reaction and questions regarding parents who have suffered from Alzheimer’s dementia. I personally have had friends who have suffered the same type of behaviour from their parents in the later stages of these horrible disease. He won’t be angry with you more likely with the way his life was coming to the end. Take each day, one at a time and see how you progress because grief is hard and doesn’t have a timetable or road map. Take care and keep posting and reading others post in particular regarding parents passing.
Look after yourself Sxxx

Thank you very much for that. It’s certainly feels good to join this community