Lost my Dad

Just after Christmas my dad died of stomach cancer. We only had 2.5 weeks between his diagnosis and his death. I’m struggling to catch up with the speed of events to be honest. I feel completely bowled over. And whilst I am thankful it wasn’t a long drawn out illness for him (& miraculously he had NO pain despite the aggressiveness of the cancer) I feel robbed of the chance to say all I needed to. I was with him when he died & he knew I loved him but how do you put into words what someone has meant to you when you only have such a short time to get your head around it? I just don’t know. And now all I feel is pain & heartache. Thanks for reading if you got this far. X

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I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been a terrible shock and even though you were with him I am sure there was still so much left unsaid. My father died in his sleep at the end of September. It was pneumonia. He went to bed healthy and didn’t wake up and I still find it so hard to get my head round. It’s been nearly 5 months and I still sometimes think I’ll just ring him for a chat and then realise I can’t. It is very early days for you. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. I know there is no pain like it and you wonder how you carry on when your heart is so broken. Sending you lots of support at this horrible time. x

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m sorry to hear if your loss too. Yes it is very early. I have grieved for other close relatives before but losing my Dad has broken my heart. I just wish I could see him again & talk to him. He was so quiet, unassuming. But always there for me. I do miss him terribly. X

I’m so sorry to hear you lost your dad so sadly. I completely understand as my dad too was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer last August, but 2.5 weeks later he was gone. The shock was horrendous. All I can say is take each day at a time. I struggle now still and u will be on a roller coaster for some time yet. Thinking of u x

I am so glad I found this site and can see that I am not the only person who has lost their dad so quickly to this horrible disease, (as sometimes it feels that way). My dad also had stomach cancer and lived for only a short time which all of us still can’t understand. I feel so lost without him but I know I have to carry on for mum and husband and toddler but it’s so hard some days.

Thank you. I feel like I will never feel ok but I guess that’s normal… Sorry to hear you went through similar. X

Sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately I think it’s often the case for stomach cancer as is difficult to diagnose until later stages. It just seems very cruel to us all left behind. I feel there is so much i’d like to have said/done. Like yourself I feel I have to be strong for mum, my husband & kids but inside I feel like i’m breaking into millions of pieces. It’s so hard isn’t it? X

I feel like you’ve described exactly how I feel but couldn’t put it into words so thank you. I also feel cross that dad wouldn’t talk to us about his illness so we couldn’t sort out things at home like he would have wanted and I feel like although I was there when he died he couldn’t talk to me so I don’t know how he was feeling and when he did speak we didn’t understand what he was saying. Such conflicting emotions!

I understand that completely. My dad wasn’t a talker either but we muddled through. I find i’m more mad at people who are left behind weirdly. Stupid things like my mum for not falling apart (she’s doing really well-it’s not a bad thing!), my half-brothers because they dared to mourn my dad when they still have their dad alive! (Makes NO sense!) I know that I have to try and be kinder to myself. But I feel the loss so deeply and I feel so alone even though i have family. X

Hi, I totally get what u mean when u feel totally alone. I also lost my mum 6 yrs ago so to then loose my dad too last August was horrendous. I’m finding it hard knowing that the majority of my friends have their parents and I don’t thinking why has this happened again when I’m still young. As I know from grieving before, it’s only me that can sort myself out, but sadly the journey isn’t short xxx

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Same I get mad inside about some of the family who just seem to have moved on but then I guess that’s maybe their way of coping. My mum tells me things now I didn’t know about when dad found out he was ill and I was mad about all that but now I understand it must have been really hard for mum not being allowed to tell us.

Yes I think that my mum often felt stuck between a Rock & a hard place because she knew people wanted to know but my dad was very much a “let’s not make a fuss” guy. It’s a right old bumpy road this grieving thing! X

Hi, So sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my Dad in January, Just a few weeks ago. He had a stroke in Nov 18 and the hospital spent all their time trying to help him through that, no one knew that actually is bladder cancer had progressed which he had had radiotheraphy for in March 18. The hospital let him home on Christmas Eve but by then he started going down hill…we knew then that it was the cancer as he lost so much weight. It was heartbreaking, I cannot share his fear, but know that all reading this will understand how that must have felt, having experienced with their loved ones…knowing you are nearing the end. I cannot accept that he has gone, life is so cruel, and very hard to bear when you are faced with such emotional grief. I am thinking of everyone who has gone through the same. Take care xx

Sorry for ur loss I lost my dad on the 14.12.18 I rally don’t how to deal wiv it I miss like mad love you dad