Lost my dad

I lost my dad last month, we have a restaurant and bar and i saw him every single day, i spoke to him every single day. Im 33 and my little brother is 27. We looked upto him, we worshipped him…so lost without him. He had cancer and he fought so hard, out of his last 6 months he was was only out of hospital 3 weeks. They never told us it was terminal until right to the end…why did he fight so hard only to suffer so much…mum wont leave her bed and im left to run our company and i dont know how to comfort her. I know so many thousands if not hundred of thousands of people have been, and are in this situation, but my god it hurts so much. We have a business and there is so much paper work, but the hardest thing i have done is cancel his mobile phone, i had to click on his number to tell the company that it was him and he was dead. Got noone to talk to, everyone expects me to be head of the family…dont even think ive had the chance to grieve…i suppose i just needed to tell a small story…i hate cancer…i hate what it has done to my family…just want my dad back, but i know life moves on. Everything reminds me of him, i had a coffee every day with him without fail…everytime i walk into the restaurant my heart skips a beat thinking i know he won’t be there…what annkys me as well, is that i am bitter…we have so many old customers, and i am jealous! Why did my dad have to leave so soon, why do they have a life…why is it in the bar im serving raging alcoholics and my dad never smoked or drank, and ending up derserving this…he just wanted to play golf once a week…that was his guilty pleasure. He even played at 8am so that he went back to work afterwards. Im so lost…every second my mind is free i think of him…500 people came to his funeral…he was that loved…but now all i get in our small village is 20 people a day asking about hoe i am…all i can do is smile and say its all okay…when i just want to scream…my my mum hasnt left the house in 2 weeks and i feel like shit every day, its my little brothers birthday and he absolutely worshipped my dad…hung on to every word he ever said…i dont even know how to talk to him about things…rant over lol! This was never about anyone reading this…just felt good to say it x

Hi Stefano,

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds as though you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment taking over the business without him, but it’s important not to try so hard to be the strong one or the head of the family that you bottle up your feelings - that can make grief worse. You have come to the right place to rant and let it all out if you need to. You are among people who understand here.

While you wait for more replies to your post, you might find it helpful to read and maybe reply to some of the other recent posts in the Losing a Parent section of the site - you will see that there are many others who are experiencing some of the same emotions.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about using the site, you can email me at online.community@sueryder.org.

Priscilla
Community Manager

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