Finding Christmas tough, I always do, but the last 2 years I had a boyfriend to distract me. Happily single but coping with the grief is difficult again. He loved Christmas a lot and he gave me my favourite Christmas memory.
He lost his life by suicide. I keep intensely fantasising that he faked his death and he will just pop up one day. So many emotions about this. I have friends/family but no support for my bereavement, I am not friends with anyone who also knew him and my current circle just don’t understand or will be like “sorry you’re feeling rough”.
I’m planning a trip next year or the year after to visit where his ashes are. Money is tight so it’s tricky. I really, really wish he had faked his death and that he would just message or call me now. I want to apologise for letting him down. I want to shout at him for abandoning me. I want him to see all the cool stuff I’m doing now. I want to spend another Christmas with him.