Lost my husband and my mam

Lost my husband on 6th December 2020 to bladder cancer and my mam 6 months before that to covid. Im struggling with my grief. My husband was my whole world. He was in a hospital for 5weeks prior to his passing and was desperate to come home. He died before I could fulfill his wishes.
My life seems empty and meaningless without him, covid is making things harder as its difficult to see family or friends.
I was with him when he took his last breath and it haunts me. The night before he died his breathing was shallow and rapid and I worry that he was in pain.

Hi I too lost my husband following a 6 week hospital battle. He had cancer back in 2010 but he did manage to fight that and we had another wonderful 10 years together however on Nov 20 he contracted Covid and lost that battle on New Years Day. We were with him when he took his last breath after the hospital told me they were removing the breathing support. It was absolutely heartbreaking to be by his side watching him pass but at the same time I am pleased he was not alone. The hospital reassured us he was not in any pain and I am sure that would be the same for your husband. I am so very sorry for your losses and I can only relate to losing a husband I can absolutely understand the pain you are feeling. If I could do anything now it would be to give eternal life to everyone. Sorry that I can’t say anything that will really make you feel any better but please remember you are not alone and if you need a chat I am here and do understand some of your pain you are feeling right now from my own personal circumstances. It was also his birthday yesterday so a very very difficult time for us all. Sending you lots of love and hugs xx

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I was with my husband when he died on 25th November. It was sad and horrible but it was important for both of us that I was there. After his death, I sorted out photos of him in happier times and this helped to dispel the horrible image if him at his dying hour. I am feeling deep grief especially not helped by the pandemic. I cry a lot but I have to empty out all my emotion however long that takes.

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Sending you love and support as I absolutely understand your pain. Xxxx

Shaznay 1971,
Thank you so much for your reply, your words are really comforting. I am still in the throes of raw grief and I struggle with my loss, but its comforting to know Im not alone. Its the first time I have posted on this site and am just finding my way around.
I took his old gardening jacket to bed with me last night, I can still smell him on it and it made me cry but was comforting in the same breath.
I hope he is with me , him and my darling mam. He would hate me being so miserable. X

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Bobmajor,
I feel your pain and am so sorry for you. I have photographs all over the house of the two of us in happier times. He fought the cancer so bravely and never gave up, even when he suffered so much pain. I hope you and I can come to terms with our grief through time, but at the moment all seems bleak especially with this covid pandemic. Sending hugs to you :heart: x

Shaznay1971,
Sending love and hugs back to you and thank you :heart: xxxx

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Bless your heart I have slept with my husbands jacket every night since he was taken into hospital and I will continue to do this so you are definitely not alone in how you are feeling and you are doing amazingly well with getting yourself through each day. He will be watching you with pride as I hope mine is. We will never be the same again but we will learn to appreciate small things and one day we will both be able to be at peace back in the arms of our husbands. Until then keep strong and keep going as that is exactly what he would want you to do xxx

I’ve just had a huge, huge cry. It overwhelms and exhausts me, but Ive got to let it out. Your kind words mean the world to me and they are helping me to know that Im not alone. Its so comforting to have his jacket over me, Im glad and relieved you do the same as me. I think you too are amazing the way you are coping and then offering words of comfort to a complete stranger like me. Thank you and I hope we speak again soon. Much love and luck to you xxx

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Thank goodness Christmas and New Year are over. We will both have to battle on through the pandemic and hope time will give us a more hope for our future. Learning to live alone so hard. Love and Hugs Tricia

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Thank you. Much love and hugs to you too Tricia. Love Christine xx

Strangers we are but united in our grief and helping anyway I can will also help me make sense of how I am feeling and behaving. You my lovely must have had a wonderful husband just like me as we both feel exactly the same and we are also finding comfort in the same things Doing the same things and trying our best to keep going. I’ve cried many tears each and every day and I know I will continue to do so each and every day I am still breathing but that is ok as I will also start to be able to smile again in between those tears and always always know that the first thought of my day will be my Simon and the last thought will also be him . He was my everything and that will not change ever and I’m sure that is how you feel too. Don’t be afraid to cry shout scream as I’ve just found it helps me letting it all out at that particular time and then I’m ok for a bit and it builds up again and i go through the same process again and again but it really does help me when I let out the grief even just for a short hour or so each time. Remember the good times and cherish those memories . I’m just a message away anytime xx

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Shaznay 1971. Icry alot. I get angry and get scared too. Life is very frightening without my Mick. We were a team. He was a larger than life character, always smiling and never had a bad word to say about anyone. I miss him desperately as you miss your Simon.
I won’t ever be the same person again as part of me left with him, but I hope one day to be able to smile when I think of him instead of crying.
Massive support from you today. I’ve listened to you and it has helped me. Im going to bed shortly wearing his jacket❤. My darling Mick.
Thank you and speak soon lovely lady xxx

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Sleep tight and keep Mick close with his jacket as I will with Simon’s x He will always be with you no matter what that’s what great teams do. Definitely keep in touch and whenever you need to chat I’m here xx :heart:

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I will :heart: xxx

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Felt desolate today. Brought his ashes home ready for interment, sometime later in the year when this lockdown is over, and friends and family can come and give him the send off he deserves.
I’ve been feeling so alone, and so angry with myself for not being stronger. Covid is also making life so difficult for so many people.
I’ve been talking to him and mam all day today, looking at their photographs that are smiling out at me and wishing they were both still here. :pensive:

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