Lost my Husband in May 2016

Hi I’m new to this. I lost my husband In may. We were married 2 years. He went into hospital on our wedding anniversary. We have a 4 year old son and I have 2 older children.
I just can’t see a way forward, constantly feel like my heads in a fog. I try to stay strong for the family but inside just falling apart.
Our little one constantly talks about daddy which I encourage and we have photos of daddy around us. I have family I can talk to but they don’t know what to say. Please I’m desperate to talk to somebody who has been thro this.

Tracey x

Hi Tracey my name is Karen and I lost my husband in February 2016 of a heart attack due to an underlying condition we had been married 18 1/2 years my husband had just had his 47th birthday. At this point it is so early that the fog you feel is because you are in shock in some ways it cushions you although it won’t feel like it but being a few more months down the line I can assure it’s nicer being in the shock bubble it’s when reality kicks in it somehow feels worse because you have to have to come to terms with your new reality a reality you had no say in and one you do not want it’s painful and lonely and when you feel like you can’t cry anymore a fresh batch of tears arrive I can’t tell you when you will feel normal I myself fluctuate between very emotional and concentrationing on trying to stay together I suppose it’s a process my lovely it’s hard and everything feels painful and all I can say to you is don’t think about the future as it is to scary concentrate on hour to hour baby steps until you feel stronger and believe me you will feel stronger don’t get me wrong this whole process will change you and the way you view the world but you have two solid reasons to find that strength within yourself and they will help in your healing although you cannot imagine that at the moment it’s all so raw I don’t know that the sadness will ever go away but the intense pain you feel deep inside your heart now, although will come out periodically it’s not all the time. Have you considered grief counselling cruse provide a free service perhaps if you haven’t already go on there website I am receiving counselling it is no magic wand but sometimes it puts things into perspective and gives you new ways to consider things, also if you like to write, a diary may be helpful as apart from expressing your feelings it will allow you to realise how far you have moved forward when you don’t feel like you have . Talking to people especially on this forum is helpful as we are all in the same position and so understand completely what you are going through, as well intentioned as as other people are if you have not experienced a loss you really don’t understand the intensity of feelings involved. I will end here but as I continually say you are not alone my love please feel free to message me anytime for any reason rant cry whatever take care xx

Hi Tracy,

I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I hope you find that sharing your experiences with people who understand what you’re going through helps you a little.

I just want to let you know that Fleurandme also lost her husband in May and you might want to have a look at her post here:

https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-my-husband-44-years-may

It can be so hard feeling like you have to stay strong, please don’t feel like you have to put on a brave face here.

Take care,

Kate

Hi Tracey, I can’t say I know exactly what you are going through because we all feel differently but I do know the emptiness & the pointlessness. I thought I was coping quite well but now the tears have started again. I have 2 grandchildren , 9 & 5 , and I have being doing my best to be strong in front of them but you know , they don’t mind me crying . They have found their own ways. The youngest does worry how old you have to be before you die and the eldest goes off on her own to talk to granddad. I have been writing my feelings in a book but when I read the words back I still cannot properly express my feelings. There are not enough words in the world to describe my world now. I am at the bottom of a pit with no way forward, or so it seems today but each day is another survival. You are doing really , really well so keep at it love. Just keep at it . People say well meant things like keep strong for the children but unless they have lost part of themselves , which husbands are, they do not really understand how futile the words are. Just get up each day. You will find a way forward , as will I but knowing other people are there is a big help to me. I was breaking up , which is why I wrote in and already I find it soothing , just to talk. My heart goes out to you, so young . Let yourself go when you can. I wish I could make it better for you but I’m finding that there are lots of us widows out there and we are all hoping for better things and we all share the pain. You are not alone love, we all send good thoughts to each other. You can do this, you really can. Keep writing.

Hi Tracey,

It’s been a couple of weeks since you posted this and I just wanted to check in and see how you were getting along?

It is so sad that you lost your husband after being married such a short time. I am glad to see that you had some supportive replies and I hope it helped even a tiny bit to read some posts from others with similar experiences.

It sounds as though you are doing exactly the right thing in encouraging your children to talk about it. We also have an information page about supporting children with bereavement, which you might find helpful: http://support.sueryder.org/practical-emotional-advice/how-can-i-support-child-bereavement

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