Hi Davecat87, just read your post. We all know how bad life is at the moment and my thoughts are with you . The emotional see saw makes us wonder if we will ever be ‘‘normal’’ again. I am usually such a controlled person and have had to learn to live with a wash of tears , grief and just feeling sick at the oddest times. You have your grandson and although your wife will not see him grow , you can tell him about her & her love for him as he grows up. My grandchildren love to hear about their granddad. They are older and can remember him but they still want to know about him, even if the 5yr old thinks he is now a sheep for some reason. Sometimes it is heartbreaking to talk about him but they don’t mind my tears. I still hate evenings and Saturdays and after such a long time together, I don’t think I will ever get used to being alone. The house feels cold but I take much comfort from the support of all these lovely people who listen to me on this site, so keep writing when you need to know someone else knows just what you are going through.
fleurandme
Many thanks for you message, I’m usually a well organised person as my job demands this and do likewise at home but my head and emotions are all over the place and totally agree with you about the emotional see saw. It is difficult when our grandson asks and looks for nanny but hopefully this will also ease in time and yes we are trying to speak to him already on where nanny is. I did have a little chuckle at your 5 year old thinking grandad is a sheep, oddly thanks for that I havent smiled for a while. I too am Fonding the same as yourself the house is cold, empty and lonely and weekends and I would imagine the evenings will be lonely as my daughters will be going back to their houses tomorrow.
I agree I’ve only been on this site a couple of days but the messages from all the people are helping a little. You take care
Hi Janey, I’ve just been catching up with everyone’s postings, and what you’d written just struck such a chord with me.
When I went back to work my manager said she missed the old me, and I told her that person is gone forever, because the old me was the way I was because I had Gordon loving me and looking after me and I don’t have that any longer. My counsellor says that the old me was Louise Mark 1 and that person is gone forever, I’m Louise Mark 2 at the moment, and eventually I’ll become Louise Mark 3, who’ll be different from 1 and 2. He also said that Mark 3 me would be better than Mark 1 me because of how much stronger I’ll be, but I had to tell him he was wrong, because the Mark 1 version of me was the best I’ll ever be, all I am now is half a person.
Take care of yourself and just try to get through each day, Louise xx
Hi Louise I agree with what you are saying I have posted I’m not the same person and I believe that I’m not the same person when Robert was here with me when he died part of me also died and I will never be that person again I’m trying my best to do things to fill my day I’ve been out with friends today to see the new Bridget jones film and then I went for something to eat and had a couple of wines I. Am. Now back home and the loneliness hits you my life will never be the same without my Robert I miss him so much I am just half the person I used to be you are right that’s how it makes you feel my life has changed for the worst and I hate it I hate the way I am now but we just have to try our husbands are hopefully looking down on us guiding us through this horrible existence and maybe one day we will be pain free you take care I’m here if you ever need to talk xxxxx
Louise51
I’ve been reading the thread of messages and my wife passed away on 28th August after 33 years of marriage. I’m at the point of thinking I need to start counselling earlier than the 6 weeks the hospice have said they will contact me. I’m very interested in you message as I fully understand what you are saying about the old and the now me. I was the life and soul of parties and also up for a joke and good time with June by my side but the now me is someone that I don’t like and people keep telling me I’ll get back to the Dave in my own time, but they are all so supported and helping me through this.
You take care
Hi Janey
Well you have made a huge step tonight in getting out. I’m trying to get the first’s done as soon as I can, that’s just my way of dealing with June’s loss, not sure if it’s working as early days for me. I have just been my our best friends for tea tonight which actually wasn’t as emotional as I thought it would be, and tonight is my first night at home on my own, and you are correct the loneliness and empty house is horrible. I agree I don’t like the me at present but I just keep thinking what would June want me to do, we knew our beloved spouses and knew what they would be thinking so with their strength looking down on us hopefully one day we’ll get through this to a point that we can cope with and like. I must say that since I’ve been on this site only 3 days just messaging and reading the people’s threads is helping and giving some comfort. You take care
Hi Davecat87, I hope that work goes well today, it’s a huge step, not least because everyone will be treading on eggshells around you. take their help and sympathy because it does help in the long run. Trouble is I find peoples kindness makes me cry more. This evening will be the worst, trying to find a new routine without your wife there. I watch so much junk TV, Paul would be appalled but I cope easier with the nonsense of it & it fills up the time until bed. My son has got me a games machine & a film channel & these help. At first I tried to cook but the dog was the only one enjoying the food , so now I eat what I want, usually sandwiches. Don’t worry if you can’t be bothered, just take it day by day. My thoughts are with you tonight, and remember there’s lots of us in empty houses and you do get used to it.
Fleurandme
Thanks for your message which must say gave me a little chuckle at you watching so much junk TV, that’s just what I’m doing. Work was actually not too bad as I made a point of going to all departments and speaking to them that I’m still Dave but just somewhat raw and will need a little time. Tonight wasn’t good getting home from work for me and had a good old few tears speaking to June’s photos. Your son sounds as though he is supporting you which is good as my two daughters are, guess that you and Paul as June and myself have brought them up the correct way.
You take care one day at a time and we’ll all get there.