Lost my husband to cancer

Hi, sadly I lost my husband in June to bladder cancer. I am devastated and feel so alone. We were together for 33 very happy years and now it’s just me. I’m struggling to cope and find some days are better than others. I work full time but find coming home to an empty house and weekends very difficult. How long will it take before I feel more able to cope? I just don’t know what the future holds and I’m scared .

Shelly

I saw your replied on one of the conversations thread Inwas in and have just replied to you on this.
I have just seen you conversation and feel for you losing your husband to this horrible disease, I lost my wife June in August to Esophagael Cancer after a year long battle. I did say before mornings and evenings and that empty house feeling when I come home from work is like you Injust breakdown when I still talk to June as she is still at home and say what I always would but it strangely does help me even though I get upset. There is no timescale so I’m told and everyone is different, I do know others that have lost loved ones that have spoke to me and they say it does get bearable which you think as I do now is not going to happen but I think if they can I can but everyone says you never forget your loved one life just gets bearable. I too am scared, mine is having anyone around me when it’s my turn to go as June was my rock and used to comfort me always.
Keep strong and sure we’ll get through this, always here for a chat.

Thanks Dave for your reply. I’m feeling exactly the same as you. I’m just hoping things will get more bearable as time goes by but at this moment I can’t see that happening. It’s only been 3 months so I know it’s early days. Fingers crossed things will become easier .

Shelly

Hope the last few days have been more bearable for you and your keeping strong. I feel just the same as yourself that cont see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I can so sympathise with you about the lonely house when you come home from work, it gets me every time. You said you work full time has your work been supportive for you ?
June and my best friends have been very supportive asking me over about once a week for tea and my 2 daughters have been really good to their Dad, do you have friends and family support ?
If you need a chat I’m here as out circumstances are very much the same.
I have had a few bad days since Sunday but keep strong Shelly it will ease because if others can do it so can we

Dave

Hi Shelly,

You asked how long it will take until you feel more able to cope. I think Dave has written some excellent replies and it is very true that there is no timeline on grief.

I just wanted to let you know that we have an article on our website called How Long Does Grief Last?.

Sadly it can’t give you an exact answer, but it’s been written by bereavement support teams at our hospices and is based on their experience of working with grieving people. I thought you might find it useful to have a read about some of the experiences that people have coping with grief as time passes.

1 Like

What a good article and read
You are correct it doesn’t give you the answers but it does relate to many feelings that I for sure am experiencing and I’m sure Shelly you are too.
I particularly finding at present that the smallest thing triggers my emotions but these at present are more behind closed doors in the house but Inhave experienced emotions in public. Friday I went to our godsons 30th birthday June would have wanted me to go but a couple of songs triggered my emotions and also on Sunday I’m trying to get back playing golf as I did before June was diagnosed but again got emotional after Infinished because I would normally text June to let her know I’m on way home. These are just a couple of things but they happen and I talk to my daughters and friends about it which does seem to help as I’m seemingly sharing with them my grief and emotions.
It will be a long road and this week has been particularly difficult at home for me but we all have to be strong and try and get through this. I try to think what my Jine would have done, I had 33 years with her so she as I knew what each other was thinking and that is how I’m trying to deal at present. I talk to my favourite photo of June as though she is still with me.
Always here for a chat and share experiences and methods of trying to cope that may help others as well as myself
Dave

Hi, I am new to this site. Like you I have lost the most important person in my life. At the moment I cannot see a way forward. My darling partner passed away after many months of battlin Lung Fibrosis. Like you I find the house so empty.

Lesley

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, Inlost my wife June back in August so I’m still in early stages of grief, not sure when you lost the most important person in your life but I’m too finding the mornings and evenings particularly hard. I continually talk to June through my favourite photo of her, although of course it makes me upset it strangely does help as it is as close to the normality I can get to what we had for those 33 years before June passed away.
Keep strong Lesley I’m always here for a chat, and it has helped me being on this community site with the messages from everyone as they know what you are going through.

Thank you for your kind words. Terry my partner passed away on the 1st of September, after a long illness. I knew it was going to happen, but it has not made it any easier. I have a very supportive family but I try not to rely on them too much as they have children and busy jobs. I am at home day time and night time. I gave up work to care for Terry. It’s very difficult, the house is so empty.

Lesley

Great to here from you that’s good you have a supportive family like myself. I have two beautiful daughters and I know what you mean about relying on them as they have busy jobs and their lives to live but they are your rocks and I know June would have wanted me to make sure I spend as much time with them as possible as she was such a family orientated person. My eldest has a 19 month old grandson who June absolutely adored. I’m sure your partner Terry would have wanted you to use that family support.
I have a full time job and went back to work on 19th September after 5 weeks off to care for June towards the end of her battle, and for me that has helped as June didn’t want me to pack up work as I had said I would to care for her.
My friends and family keep in contact with me regularly at present with our best friends inviting me for tea on the odd occasion, I know that will stop in time but it does help at present, so please in your early stages use your family and friends support because they love you and are looking out for you in this difficult time, so like me take this help from them at present.
We are both in early stages of our grief but I’m sure we’ll get there. I start my counselling this week so hopefully that might help me too.
Keep strong and always happy to chat
Dave

Yes I agree with you our families will help get us through this. Finding weekends and particularly tonight hard to cope. I seem to get a couple of days which are not too bad, then I get a day, like today when I just can’t stop crying. I wish I could take one day at a time, but I keep thinking of the future and that upsets me even more.
I apologies for my negative thoughts but I’m having a really bad evening.
I am waiting for my counselling to start, I am hoping that it will help. Thank you for listening.

Lesley

No need to apologise, we are all here to help each other.
Sorry to here that you have had a bad day, hopefully in time those couple of days will turn into the odd week and more. I have had a bad week since last weekend when I went to our godsons 30th birthday party, today hasn’t been too bad for me.
I know exactly where you are with the future, that is what starts my emotions going that June won’t be able to share all the experiences and we cant fulfill our future plans we had.
I do hope that you get counselling sorted soon and hopefully both of us find that it helps.
You take care and have no problem chatting or listening as hope it is helping even in some small way for you.
Dave

Hi Lesley,
I to lost my husband a little while ago and am finding it so hard. He died on the 13th June from a rare form of bladder cancer. I miss him so much. We had a very happy marriage and had 33 wonderful years. Each day I still expect him to text or phone me as he used to work way most weeks. I’m trying to be positive but I to am so scared about the future. He was my rock and he was always there to put things right. I have two lovely daughters but they are busy with their lives and I don’t want to be a burden. They are also missing their dad dreadfully. I take each day as it comes. I work all week but find evenings and weekends difficult. I’m 54 years old and a widow. I just can’t get my head around it.

I wish you well and hope that in time we will both be able to move on and each day will get better. Keep strong Shelly x

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