My husband died 15th August 2024, he was taken into hospital on 16th June 2024 , unbelievable shock to get told he had terminal cancer in the liver, lungs and spine it was palliative care over the 8 weeks he lived .jim was my second husband , my first husband died at 49 in a road accident while driving his lorry.(I was first widowed at age of 48 in 2009).
Every day is just get up walk the dog and think how Jim passed away and how it must have been lik for him, I visited him every day very exhausting as I don’t drive and I was 13 miles from the community watching himhospital, sadly the week that he passed away he spent most of the time sleeping or wake put to have the driver changed. We like going out places wee drives but that has all ended for me, most of the friends round where I live just didn’t bother never visit and family don’t bother.
I wander if anyone has experienced the same ?
I walk my dog The days are long and empty although we only married 3 years ago Jim was retired as was every day with me he was 77 but very fit for his age and loved all DIY jobs , miss the voice saying Is the kettle on. Everything is so silent now strange empty feeling . Sometimes feel like bursting into tears just standing in the shop. It was so mentally and physically exhausting watch some one knowing what was spreading through them and nothing you can do. He had outburst of mood swings and angry ,he never discussed it with me and I suppose the anger outburst was his his way to cope often wander what was going through his mind, watching him waving his hands in the air while he was sleeping those thoughts never leave my mind.l am 63 now and try to look to my years ahead but can’t see anything only what I am going through now.
Hello Beachwalks, it sounds like you have been going through a terrible time, my heart goes out to you. I lost my partner of 20 years nearly a month ago. I feel the same way, sometimes I feel not too bad then the tears come flooding out. I miss him terribly, he was my everything and I am devastated that I will never see him again. It’s good that you have managed to reach out here, I am sure you will get lots of support. For now just take it minute by minute, hour by hour, please know that there are others on here who understand what you are going through, so come back here as often as you like and hopefully it will help. I am sending you hugs and please look after yourself xx
I understand how you feel, I too lost my beloved husband on 23rd November 2024 to penile cancer, we found out on 22nd October 3 days after our 22nd wedding anniversary, he was rushed in 28th October he was having trouble breathing by this time (he never came home). 13th November we found out there was nothing they could do as it spread to fast and he was too weak for chemo, 19th November he moved to a hospice where he passed away 4days later.
After 22 years half of me is missing and I miss him everyday.
Hello poppet1973. Thank you for your reply. Not easy explaining to the outside world how it feels , it is the suddenness of everything your husbands diagnoses was quick much like my husband’s, he was addmitted to hospital on 18th June 2024, diagnosed on 26th June it just rocks your world especially when there is no hope of treatment and not knowing how long they have , he just received medication an palliative care , I went back and forward to hospital and watched him it was mentally and physically exhausting not knowing what to say but it got to the stage he was sleeping most of the time. Just kept wandering how long he would have, counting the weeks , but 8 weeks after being diagnosed it was obviously the end was near.
When I lost my first husband that was under different circumstances it was so sudden and I wasn’t there when he was killed in the accident, But this bereavement I was there right through from he was diagnosed until he passed away and not able to do anything. I often wander what he thought when he was told how advanced the cancer was he never really discussed it in those 8 weeks .xx
I know how you feel, it was my son who had special needs died at age 47.He had no symptoms until the April 2023,he complained of pains in hip and spine. Told the pains were muscular to rub deep heat in. The end of April he could not get out of bed ,got him to hospital , they said secondary bone cancer .Nothing they could do ,he died the 17th July 2023. First they could not find primary , about a week before he died they said they have found a small 20mm ulcer in the lesser curve of the stomach.
These lesser survivor cancers don’t seem to get as much funding as others. May be in time the answers might be found.
Your son was so young, so sad when tests are done that things are to far advanced. My husband had constant chest infections and medication wasn’t helping and by 18th June 2024 he was feeling so ill was admitted to hospital and didn’t get home, so hard to comprehend he lived for 8 weeks. We had so much we wanted to do he was a fit man and had retired and kept busy with his DIY, just a whole lot of emptiness now. Friends and family don’t bother to keep in contact . I walk my dog and that’s my day.( I was first widowed 15 years ago when I was 48 my first husband was killed in an accident while driving his lorry). But then I married jim 3years ago never ever thinking life was going to happen like this.
I also was going back and forth to the hospital on my days off work or in the morning or night time. He also spent most of the days asleep so I would just sit in the chair next to his bed watching and waiting for him to wake up. When he was in the hospice he was doing ok, the morning he died he was walking around, and we were making plans for him to come home for Xmas day.
I gave up work a week before the funeral, I told them I didn’t know how long it would take to go back. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing him, how can anyone get used to losing someone 10 days after they said there was nothing they could do, we were told he had 2 months.
I had similar, we were told 2-4 mo the but he was gone in 5 days, I see now that i thought we had a minimum of 2 months ! I think when they put a timescale down my husband gave up hence dying 5 days later, I did question their timeframe & they said they were as surprised as I was & whatever timeframe they give is just a guess my reply was I think it’s better if you don’t give a timeframe then.
Every one in the hospice where he was were shocked that he went so quickly, our dr was shocked, he is so angry with the hospital for the way they dealt with him.
He said he should of done more, but I told him that Mark never blamed him, he did as much as he could of done, he blamed the Urology Department for not doing anything and sending him home every time without doing anything.
The same for my son at the hospital ,they were all shocked that he had gone so Quick.The day before he had ate his dinner in the hospital , never complained.
My husband and I were beside his bedside holding his hands when he died.I then phoned Mencap office shelter housing who he was under. She phoned me back saying she had phoned the learning liaison officer at the hospital ,who was so shocked she said she has just been up to see him
These cancers are hiding and are getting harder to find ,I do wonder if It was the medication he was on . But for 47 years he lived life to the full , always laughing loved life and people loved him. The world was a better place with him in it.
Instead of wars the world should be fighting the biggest enemy we have cancer.
I agree with you, my husband never got the chance for chemo as the consultant said it spread to fast and went into his lungs. They gave him 2 months, he had 10 days. In total I had 4 weeks from the diagnosis.