Lost my husband

I lost my husband on Christmas Eve 2020. My world has stopped, the lose is undescribable, he was my soul mate, my life, my breathe

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Hi KazzaT20. So sorry to hear of your loss. You will still be in shock so do take things slowly as your mind will be all over the place. Try not to be overwhelmed as there will always be someone to help you and do keep posting on here. You will make lots of friends. Remember to breathe and slow down. Much love. x

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Dear Kazza T 20,

How I feel for you. Yes, your world has stopped and you can’t understand why everyone seems to be going on as though nothing has happened.
W.H. Auden’s poem, “Stop All The Clocks” may help to put your feelings into words for you when you feel too exhausted to think for yourself.

You will find kindred spirits on this site for when you want to pour our your grief but no-one seems able to understand. Some will lose patience and we are forced to block our feelings and pretend we are coping. Be prepared for that but I pray there is someone close to you who is willing to support you through this dreadful time.

Next month my husband and I were to have celebrated 60 years together, married for 58. There was no-one but the two of us, no children and our last close friend died on Easter Monday. Like you, I have lost my soulmate and thought I would not survive but I and all the people on this site, are somehow, getting through the hours and days.

My courage comes from the fact that I would have died in his place but that was not given to me. Instead, I have been given a greater gift for my beloved husband. I am living in his place and when overwhelmed by exhausting grief, I try to be thankful that HE is not the one left behind and suffering. I don’t know whether or not this helps but offer it anyway.
God bless you and grant you some peaceful times in each day.

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Thank you, I can relate to the things you say, my husband and I had no children. I’m sitting looking out the window on a world I no longer feel part of without my husband :broken_heart:

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Hello kazza My husband died December 5 th I can’t do a think takes me all my time to eat I have got some sleeping tablets off doctor all it does is makes the night go quick and then you start another day I have been told to just take it very slow not sure my life will ever start again as I died with him December the 5th I cry I scream all I want is my husband back please keep talking say what you have to say to us

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I force myself out of bed every day, I find staying up harder than getting up. I haven’t been eating, lots of people have said get some cheese, salami and a glass of wine.

@KazzaT20
I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my Husband suddenly on 15th Nov.
We had no children either.
It is a truly horrific time.
The “festive” period made me feel sick.
Songs on the radio break my heart all over again.
There are tv programmes we used to watch together that i cant watch anymore.
I was prescribed diazepam which i took for 2 weeks.
Once i stopped those, the ball in my chest came back and eating has been a real struggle.
I have been drinking far too much, but it cant be used forever.
Reach out to people on here.
We all.understand what you are going through.
The loss, the fears. The complete misery.
Do not suffer in silence. Xxx

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Sorry for your lose, I can’t eat, family and friends keep saying, get some cheese and salami with a glass of wine. The idea is good but more wine is consumed than food eaten.

Stay away from diazepam there are better and less addictive meds your GP can give you, ring them.

I am still planning my husbands funeral for 15th January and I am praying we don’t get any further restriction before then :pray:

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Can’t believe it we’re back in full lockdown, don’t know what this means, not had my husbands funeral yet, this is so unfair x

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Morning yes it is we were able to have Andy funeral 18 December,
It a big enough struggle as it it ,xxx

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I lost my husband nov 2020. He had been diagnosed with terminal cancer back in January 20, he had six months of chemo, then due to his cancer he had to have a feeding tube fitted. He was about to start another course of chemo in September when he suffered a stroke. He lost his mobility and could only say a few words The chemo was then stopped and I brought him home nurse to him that was at the beginning of October. Kev took his last breath with me and our 5 children holding him.
Kev was only 51, we still had so memories to make together and with our children.
I have days where I just sit and do nothing, I find myself crying for no particular reason Nights are hard as that would be our time to just sit and watch telly and chat, but what find the hardest is that I will never be able to hug him again.
I’m about to go back to work tomorrow, I know this is going to be hard seeing and speaking to people but I have no choice financially.
To be honest I don’t think it has really sunk in, sometimes I still think he is going to just walk back through the door.

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@Sue.G
I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my husband Nov 2020.
I dont have children, so you must take comfort from them. He lives on through them. X
I too have gone back to work.
I have found it has helped my brain think about other things.
It is just an awful time.
Learning to live a new life.
You must allow yourself time to cry, be angry.
The rollercoaster of emotioms from one hour to the next.
If you want to scream, scream.
I rang the Samaritans one night. Itvwas 1.30 am and i had noone to talk to or cry to. They were amazing.
Stay strong and check in on here.
I have really benefitted from the support on here.
We all know what you are going through. Xxxx

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So sorry for your loss. Its only 14 days since I lost my dear husband. I still can’t eat properly, I feel incomplete and believe I always will. How do people ever get past this loss? It consumes me 24/7 what I had, what I’ve lost,

I’ve heard many on hear say that people start to drop off as they get on with their lives (as it should be). But seeing this happening is difficult and makes me want to shout 'why are you not hurting as much as me, my husband is dead and you laugh and smile.

I have to write things down just to remember what I need to do next. I have to ring and talk to another company to cancel something e.g utility bill and they keep asking to speak to you husband, despite me saying why I have called in the 1st place. And so it goes on and on.

I find solace in things I read on here, the number of times people tell me it will get better in time, you know he’s at peace makes me want to scream but I don’t have the strength to even do that.

:sob::broken_heart:

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So sorry for your loss
My husband passed December 5 th and I walk around like a zombie
Can’t think for myself went food shopping Tuesday
Stood in Asda crying as I didn’t know what to buy
For me ,and I always did the shopping it so bloody hard ,
My life as changed for ever as yours as.xx

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Hi all.
I was very tranquilised the first two weeks.
I found my Husband in the garden and had to do CPR until thebambulance arrived.
The flashbacks are getting less.
Every person deals with this in their own way.
I promise to those who are just at the first stage of this nightmare, it will get easier.
My phone has gone from ringing constantly and pinging constantly to nothing.
People will avoid you.
People show sympathy, then it ebbs away.
I wanted to wear a huge badge that said “My Husband has died”
I wanted the world to know i was suffering.
I had a horrendous experince with the DWP when i enquired about the 1,000 benefit towards the funeral costs. I was hysterical when i put the phone down.
I have found ranting on here a huge help.
Receiving a message of support from someone who kniws EXACTLY what i am going through is a huge help.
Be kind to yourself. It takes as long as it takes to learn to live without them.
This is the worst time of our lives, but we will get through it.
Stay strong.
Sending love. Xxxxx

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@KazzaT20
I’m sorry for your loss, it is hard seeing people just getting on with their lives, but the I have times when watching telly I laugh and then think no I shouldn’t be doing this, but I know deep down Kev wouldn’t want not to laugh.

I was lucky as I could give all my bills that needed sorting to my future son-in-law to deal with for me, which really helped. That is one thing I would definitely suggest if you can get someone else to do them for you, I was in the room so if they needed to ask me anything they could.

My first day back at work was difficult as I work in a supermarket, so being in amongst the public and not in my bubble was hard. But my work colleagues were lovely.

I must admit being able to write on here is helping and I’m just taking small steps.

Take care xx

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I find being on the chat helps a little,
So hard to get out off bed in the morning,
I went work Monday for the first time So bloody hard coming home to a empty house no coffee on the side and Andy happy smiling face to greet me
Please chat any time xx

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Have just read all your posts . I don’t come on here very often at all now but I did in the beginning …the beginning being two and a half years ago when my 60 year olds husband got out of bed to go to work and had a sudden cardiac arrest
I was with him
He was resuscitated but never regained consciousness and died three days later in ICU

I recognise the pain , the shock , all of the things you are going through

At 4 months I cried so much one morning I had to ring the psychology department offering me bereavement counselling for an appointment as soon as possible

I went once a month for a year

And at the end I had 3/4 sessions of EMDR …best to google this …to help with the flashbacks

This was fortunate because I had it just before we went into lockdown and if really helped even though it was hard reliving what had happened that morning
But it meant that I can now think of my lovely husband as he was in life not what happened that day

I now follow a grief expert on Facebook called Tom Zuba …an American author whose wife and two children have all died . He does grief in a way that helps me to cope .

It’s hard work trying to live and deal with grief at the same time but it is possible to get to a place where grief and joy can coexist …albeit it might be only little sparks of joy

I am sending you all my love and understanding
You will do it
You will feel better if you do the work to try to heal
It won’t just happen
You will have to make a conscious effort
And probably ask for help from people who understand

This forum was a lifesaver for me in the beginning
I hope it gives you as much comfort as it did me
X

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SUE G…i also lost my hubby to cancer last july 2020. .he was told the previous august but only knew it was terminal from jan 2020…i have hardly cried…feel numb and so lonely and must seem quite ok to others …but oh how hard it is! I feel that my daughter and stepchildren dont want to see my grief all the time…they have their own to get through and we have all supported each other through his last days at home…funeral and his birthday a few weeks later.
Christmas was hard but i wanted it to be good for the grandchildren…now though I want to grieve…but I dont know how to let it out…is this normal? I have started a part time job …walk my sons dogs and visit family but do it all with a feeling of detachment and miss him so much …

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@Hils13
I’m so sorry for your loss.

All I can say to you is that everyone grieves in their own way, I struggle myself as to how am I supposed to do this. I do read a lot of different articles about grief and think should I be doing that or I don’t do that.
When I’m asked ‘how are you?’ I find myself saying yeah I’m ok but sometimes I just want to say I’m not ok, I feel crap and just want scream please stop asking me but can’t as I don’t want to upset them or make them feel awkward.

I am a private person and don’t really open up I put on that brave face and because of this I’m always getting told your so strong but inside it’s completely different, this is why writing on here helps, I can say what’s going round in my head and you all get it as we are all going or have gone through the same thing.

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