@Debbie55 and gang,
Our lives have been completely flipped over.
All marriages have ups and downs.
The best part of an argument is the making up.
You will be wracked with guilt over sillybthings you said or did.
Its all part of the grieving process.
I am still in limbo waiting for the coroner to call me regarding the toxicology tests.
The post mortem didnt confirm cause of death.
Its such a horrific time for us all, but we are all going through it together.
I always have the radio on.
I found it helped me when coming back to an empty house, although my cats are keeping me going.
Try and eat.
I really struggled. I never comfort eat. I go the other way. I found some soup and a bit of bread helped. I would go days without eating.
Then wonder why i felt so faint.
My memory is absolutely shocking at the moment.
I have to keep putting reminders on my phone to do important tasks.
It takes as long as it takes. No time scale as to when you will feel a little bit better.
I have bouts of pain and numbness.
Numb is good.
Thinking of you all.
Xxx
Grahamās funeral was 11th December then Xmas and itās only now the reality of the situation is beginning to sink in. That is exactly how I feel family and friends offer kind words but just donāt get it. I had to give up my job of 32 years 6 months ago to care for him so just feel totally lost as I was with him 24/7. I am going to continue coming on here as you truly understand how I feel. Xxx
That is exactly the same for me we did absolutely everything together and now I just feel so lost and as time goes on it feels harder.
Thank you for your support and Iām sorry for your heartbreak too.xx
Thank you so much I too am considering speaking to GP.
I will keep posting and appreciate your support.
Take care xx
So sorry for your loss . I too was swept along with Xmas and new year trying to make it a happy time for grandsons and now the reality sinks in. It is just so devastating. Like you the realisation that itās now us alone . Itās so hard.
Keep posting as we are all know how this feels. I only discovered this site last week and it has been a huge source of comfort just to know other people know how you feel.
Take care x
Hello all I lost my husband December the 5
Spoke to the doctor today she has referred me to a mental health doctor just waiting for them to call me
Everyday gets worse in bed most off the day
Only get up to go cemetery xx
I am sad that you all feel your family and friends dont understandā¦i have had so much support from my daughter and stepdaughter over the last 6 monthsā¦even though they both have busy lives and are grieving themselves of course.
I am currently isolating after a positive covid test and wondering what else will be thrown my way ā¦but they continue to help and contact me dailyā¦they dont see the dark times of course as we all put on a brave face i thinkā¦especially for grandchildren. I have a little part time job since november which has helped too as well as walking my sons dogs whilst hes on a long shiftā¦take care of yourselves ā¦love and hugs
Hils
Hi itās coming up to 9 weeks for me and so very painful. Like others I think I got through the funeral, then Christmas and new year and now its the reality of my future.
Seem to spend my days crying and then watching TV to blank it all out.
Can I ask are others suffering with physically feeling rubbish too?
Nausea, not wanting to eat, lethargy, headaches. Something else I donāt know if is ānormalā whatever that means!
Hi my husband died December the 5 from Covid
Pain is unbearable
Days get harder I feel sick all the time
Sob all day stay in bed most off the time just get up to go cemetery
My doctor says it normal grief
But today she said I need more help
I am going to take as much help as I can
Xx
I have bereavement counseling through the hospice, you need to try it, cruse can also help
My partner also died from covid. I had it also and its left me with loads of medical issues too. So trying to deal with my own health on top of this devastating loss.
Must admit the nausea is terrible and no motivation to eat. I am starting to think now tho that the nausea is part of the grief, like a terrible empty pit in my stomach. It feels like this will go on for ever as I canāt imagine my life with him not in it. Xxx love to you all.
Morning gang,
It really is a crap time.
Take all the help you can get. We need it.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with this.
Every person reacts differently, but do not suffer in slilence. Tell people you are struggling.
The stress takes its toll and manifests in pain, headaches, nausea, insomnia.
I feel as though i have an iron ball stuck between my ribs, just above my stomach.
I have been on anti depresaants for 8 years.
I was put on them after my horrific divorce in 2010.
The loss, the pain is very similar to what im going through now, only this is way worse.
Last time i didnt ask for help and was very very poorly.
This is why i am accepting help and this is why i keep banging on about going to the Drs.
Please do not suffer in silence.
Lockdown isnt helping at all.
We are all stronger than we realise.
Sending love and hope.
Xxxxx
Dear KazzaT20 and all here who are hurting so much,
I want to give you some glimmer of hope that you will not always feel as you do now.
It is 7 months since my beloved husband died suddenly of COVID acquired on a visit to hospital for something else. He was strong, fit and healthy, an athlete despite his age. We had plans to celebrate next month, 60 years of being together and now there is no āweā. It seems impossible to be āIā when there is just a damaged shell left, forced to carry on alone.
How I identify with those of you suffering more recent loss because I can remember and feel the pain BUT I can tell you that it changes. For now there is a certain numbness, shielding you from the worst of it. As the shock wears off, reality begin to bite but that sense of waiting for something, followed by the realisation that he is never coming back, takes longer to subside. All I can say about that is to accept all the help you can get. Talk to your G.P. Talk to anyone who will listen, especially to us on SR. We understand and you can be sure you are not screaming into the darkness unheard.
Does it get better? Yes and donāt be afraid that losing the pain means losing more of your beloved. Nothing could be further from the truth. In my case, the pain, numbness, unreality, despair - all the tangle of emotions, kept me separated from my dear one. As I stick to my self-imposed routine - always getting up early, breakfasting, showering, dressing, doing my hair and make-up, I find a calmness and can talk to David, who always told me I looked nice and how proud he was of his dear wife. The calmer I become, the closer to him I feel.
I know this is a lot to take in and, believe me, in a minute , the floodgates can open and I am swept away in a torrent of grief and rage, fear and sheer, empty weariness. I know now that I can recover and, still shaking, tell myself aloud, that this is my last gift to him, that I am suffering this torment so that he is spared. It is something to centre and steady me again. I can feel truly glad that I am the one doing it for him.
It is early days for many of us and there is no time limit. This is not a race and there are no prizes for being first or āstrongā. How I hate it when people tell me Iām strong. They know nothing about it or me. It makes them feel better to think I am coping and they can forget about me until next time we speak.
There is no crystal ball and there are times when I feel broken beyond repair. In those times my life looks like a jig-saw puzzle with no edges and half of the middle pieces missing. It is like one of those mystery puzzles with no picture and no indication as to which way is up. There is no possibility of anything ever making sense again. TAKE HEART because you will suddenly find a piece that fits, even a few edge - a corner!
I donāt know how long this is going to take or how many days in each week I shall dread going to sleep knowing that the morning will bring only empty silence and terrifying loneliness. All I DO know is that, to begin with, these feelings never left me and now there can be three or four days of the seven when I feel a sense of purpose or determination.
My husband was my life, my world - no children, no family near and as I was always the youngest of our group of friends, no friends because I am the only one left. We married all those years ago because we wanted to spend our lives together, not going off with separate friends and following separate pursuits and interests. I am paying the price now, an overwhelmingly heavy price but would I say it wasnāt worth it? NO. I have been so blessed and would not change any of it.
We have been given this burden to bear for our loved ones, until we meet again. It WILL become lighter and easier to carry for much of the time. Often, something sharp and jagged may stick out and tear at us but I am looking forward to the day when the whole load is hardly noticed and all the sharp edges are worn smooth.
Please try to take heart and feel the love reaching out to you in the messages you read here. They have helped and are helping me. God bless us all.
Thankfully my husband didnāt have Covid and I got to visit him in the Chapel of Rest. I found this comforting.
Your body will tell you when it needs food, just make sure you drink plenty.
I pray you find the strength to live your life in honour of your partner. I have promised myself that is what I am going to do when I am able. xxx
God bless xxx
Thankyou. This is a wonderful message. I donāt post often but I do come here often just to feel that I am with people who understand and share the disbelief and sorrow and fear.
Fiona x
Your words are beautiful Prof and surprisingly helpful even though it has only been nine weeks since I lost my Geoff. I am still feeling nauseous most of the time, having to make myself eat. I find myself talking to him and apologising for not eating and looking after myself and then telling him when I have eaten and hoping heās proud of me like he always was. I long for the time when I can think of the many happy times we have had and smile, not cry! When I can laugh about his funny habits and the way he could make me giggle and make me feel so special.
I canāt imagine that yet, it is still so raw and every day an effort, but I know it is what he would have wanted and certainly what I would have wanted for him if it had been him left behind.
I miss him so much. I never imagined loneliness could be so painful. The simple things like hearing him say my name or instinctively both knowing how the other felt without having to speak, just simple things but so sad.
But your words give me hope that I will get there eventually. Thankyou
Love to everyone.
Bless you, Jacko25. You WILL get there but, as you say, it is a long, lonely road.
For me, as I am old (although not recognizing myself as such until David died) the road is shorter. I hated it as each forced step took me further away from the day we last spoke. Now I understand that each step is taking me to meet him. Itās agonisingly lonely and I donāt know how long this road will be but there are times when it becomes less steep, less pitted and stoney and my head lifts to give me a glimpse of easier stretches ahead.
The storms of tears, feelings of sickness and suffocation, still come of course because it is all still so new but it is in the calmer, quieter times I feel David near. I think his spirit is shielded from me in my times of despair because to see me then would be a torture to him. When I am bright and smiling and have taken the trouble to dress nicely in outfits he likes, the pain goes away and I can enjoy the memories for a while.
I have a good friend who rings every day, which is very kind of her, but she hasnāt the remotest notion what my situation is like. She complains that she is bored, needs a holiday, sees nobody etc. I try to point out that she has a husband, sees her children and grandchildren regularly, has even been staying with them but all she can see is her disappointment with life as it is. I ask myself if I am just the same.
Right now, I am going to be thankful for the long years of being cherished, adored and having my best friend by my side, the years of loving and knowing how I was loved. When the tears come, let them. For now, even if itās only for 5 minutes I am going to be calm and thankful.
God bless.